Expert: Elder Greg Madden - 5/13/2008

Question
Hi Elder,

Thanks for your last response. I could not respond as a follow up because the website will not let me.  I received your message, but have not had time to read the whole thing yet. But I will, and I will check the website you provided.

One thing I did want to touch on is that in your last message you said that I still call my wife my fiance. The reason I do that is that I don't want to offend you by calling her my wife in case you don't agree with that. If I just called her my wife then I might get an angry pastor knock me for doing that, and I don't wish to cause anyone to become upset.

You state that deep down inside I have my doubts and that's why I'm asking many pastors about this, and therefore I know that I am doing something wrong.  I have my firm beliefs, but I always doubt by nature.  It is part of human nature to doubt, when someone is seeking the truth, even if they are bound by their own convictions, there is still always some doubt.  To not doubt at all means that the person hasn't really thought it through.  But it's true that I am a doubting Thomas in a way, and even when I sure of things I still doubt and wish to see if the other person can give me information that I am missing and cannot discredit. When I left the Catholic Church and became a born again Christian I doubted even that to some extent, even though I was positive that I did the right thing. I even went to confession one more time after I got saved. I know that if a man doubts it is sin to him, but some people by nature doubt more than others about everything.  Some people do it because of their upbringing, or because of a lack of self esteem.  Some people were raised by parents who always doubted them, and never trusted them and doubt has become part of their nature and way of thinking. They can never be fully sure of themselves, even if they are convinced of something. That is the case with me. I had a bad upbringing by people who never had confidence in me for anything, and this mentality has lasted into my adult years and is part of the way that I think.  It's not that I'm unsure of what we did, I just wonder what others will say about it and if they will accept my arguments as I have thought them through.

But I will read your comments. Thanks.

Answer
Josh,

Please understand that though I am in disagreement with you and your fiance's decision, I am most certainly not placing myself as your judge. God is well capable of being the Judge of all the universe. So please know that it is not my intention to be hurtful to you guys.

Buy as I wrote before, the Bible admonishes me to speak the truth in love...

Eph. 4:15
But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:

And the Scripture declare that it is better for me to openly rebuke people who are in sin, then to say nothing...

Prov. 27:5
Open rebuke is better than secret love.

And lastly Josh, in what you wrote, I do sense that you both want to do the right thing, and that you want your decision to be the correct one, and that you both do not wish to even have an appearance of sin/evil. Correct? The Bible teaches us that we should avoid even the very appearance of evil/sin...

1 Thess. 5:22
Abstain from all appearance of evil.

Rom. 14:16
Let not then your good be evil spoken of:

Sometimes we do things, not because we believe them personally, but because if we do otherwise, we bring a reproch to God and His Kingdom.

Josh, after you have had a chance to read over these things, please let me know what your thoughts are.

In Christ,
Elder Greg Madden