Expert: Dr. (Rev.) Miles Bateman, USAF (retired) - 7/19/2008

Question
"My husband and I have been separated for a month now. We have 3 children
ages 9, 7, and 6. I found out that he had been soliciting himself to other men
for over a year. There had been multiple individuals. I know I am going to ask
for a divorce but is there any books that could help me relate to my healing that
I could use as a guide for the bible as well? Thank you for your time."

I always thought that my husband was my soulmate and I would be with him forever. I have to believe that God has a bigger and better plan for me. Is it wrong to hope that I will not be alone forever since I am only 37?

Answer
Hi Phyllis! Let me start by saying that I am sorry that your husband failed to live up to the promise that he made to you, your children and God. This, unfortunately, is an all too common situation in todays' society.

Let me remind you that this is not your fault and you are not responsible for your husbands sinful actions. You are innocent and your children are innocent as well. Your husband is responsible for his actions and he is accountable to God for his failure as a priest and leader of your family. The person who should be seeking help and repenting for his actions is your husband-not you. You are not responsible for his actions and you should not feel any guilt for what your husband did.

As to the question of divorce, I see divorce as a last avenue of action. You have 3 children which you share with your husband, they  need both of you. Divorce needs to be looked at as the last option.

Your first course of action needs to be to forgive your husband for sinning against both you and your children. That is not an easy thing to do, especially if he shows no remorse and continues to sin, but it is something that you need to do so that you can make the best decisions for both you and your children.

Forgiveness is the first step toward healing yourself, you were hurt by your husbands actions, forgive him and you begin the healing process for yourself and your children.

You are loved! God loves you, your children love you, your friends and family love you and you are blessed! As long as you abide in that love you are never alone!


Here are some scriptures to help you;
Love - 1 Corinthians 13
When others fail you - Psalm 41 ;9-13
                      Luke 17 ;3,4
                      Romans 12 ;14,17,19,21
                      2 Timothy ;4
Overcoming - Psalm 6
            Romans 8; 31-39
Divorce - Mark 10; 2-12
Forgiveness - Mark 11; 25-26
             Ephesians 4; 31-32

Rather than recommending a book for you to read, I would recommend that you, your husband and your children seek Pastoral Counseling. This is a difficult and complicated issue and you will need someone you trust, trust God. Seek his will, take this before him in prayer. I will be praying for you, your husband and your children. May God bless you and keep you!

Remember Phyllis,You are loved!

Keep the Faith! Miles