Expert: John of AllFaith - 11/25/2009

Question
my husband cheated on me and was not willing to work on our marriage. we have since divorced and he has found god and married his mistress. yet he feel he has no obligation to support me or the children we have. What is the bible stance on forsaking ones original family ?

Answer
Hi Sarah,

There are two important points here.

First, biblically speaking he is living in a state of adultery now, as his mistress/wife. His second marriage is disallowed by the rules established by Jesus.

Since he cheated on you and the marriage was therefore dissolved, you are allowed to re-marry (should you so chose), he is not (unless he remarries you).

Of course most churches today no longer enforce these clear biblical teachings and one can always find pastors willing to be "politically correct" and condone what the Bible clearly defines as sin (Rev. 3:14-19).

Jesus said:

Mark 10:11 ... Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.
12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery

And again:

Matthew 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

So,
You husband committed adultery against you while you were married and therefore his present marriage is biblically rejected. Both he and his mistress are committing of adultery or "living in sin" according to the Bible.

His having "found God" in the meantime changes nothing when it come to this topic. It simply requires him to obey the Master's instructions about marriage which he is refusing to do.

Unfortunately the world in which we live today is very different from the world of biblical times. There is nothing in the Bible specifically regarding your situation. The Bible does not speak to the subject of alimony or child support.

Biblically speaking, as a Christian, he should leave his mistress and be reconciled to you if possible, otherwise, he should remain celibate and care for the needs of his family.

Few people obey the Bible today however and divorce is as high among Christians as non-Christians, as is shirking parental obligations of all kinds.

There isn't much in the Bible directing men to care for their families. Its a given, its what "men do." He is commanded to love and care for you and your children as Christ loves and cares for the Church:

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

As a Christian he is commanded:

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
...
21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged....

There is nothing in the Bible directing an adulterer to pay child support, alimony etc. The command is for him to cease from his adultery and take up his paternal responsibilities.

Depending on your country etc. your best bet will probably be the courts to force him to honor his parental obligations. If he has really "found God" this should not be necessary, but apparently it is.

Hope this helps,

~ John of AllFaith