Expert: Dr. Billy Kryger - 3/11/2009

Question
I am a 29 year old female who was in a relationship with someone from the age of 19 years. I became a Christian 4 years ago but still continued in the relationship.  However, after reading the word of God I understood the importance of God's command about being unequally yoked.  As such I spoke to my boyfriend (now ex- boyfriend) about it and I tried as best as I could to explain to him that I needed to end the relationship as he is a non-believer and I am a Christian.  He asked me to marry him as he thought that it would be the best option.  However, even though we had a wonderful relationship we were not married, living together nor do we have any children. As such I thought it would be easy to end the relationship and I did.  However, my (ex)-boyfriend is not dealing with the break up very well because he does not understand that I am trying to be obedient to God.  This is also very hard for me because we did have a good relationship and he is a very loving and kind person.  After I became a Christian he even encouraged me in my church activities and bible study and there was no pressure whatsoever to have sex or do anything that would be displeasing to God.  However as a non-believer who does not understand the word of God, he thinks that I am being unfair to him and says he cannot understand how marriage to him could affect my Christianity.  He is not an atheist but he is not interested in coming to church or giving his life to God. I don't want to be disobedient to God but I don't want to hurt him either.  Please advise.

Answer
Natasha:
  God bless you for your obedience to the Word and will of God.  Many young ladies in your position would have taken the attitude, "I'm going to stay with him and be a godly example.  Maybe he will come to Christ as a result of my testimony".  But as you have come to understand that is not a biblical position.  Nowhere does the Bible endorse "missionary dating".  If you were already married when you became a Christian, then the Scriptures deal with that as well.  You said he didn't hinder you from practicing your faith and even encouraged it.  That may have changed if you were to have married.  He may have come at you with scriptures of his own like how a wife is supposed to submit to her husband.  I am reminded of the illustration of putting a good apple in a barrel of rotten ones.  The good apple doesn't make the rotten apples good--it's the other way around.  The rotten apples make the good apple rotten.  More than likely, he would have gotten you out of Church and not walking with the Lord.
    As difficult as this is for you (and him) you need to continue to stand on your convictions.