Expert: Cooper P. Abrams III - 4/29/2009

Question
I have read your previous answer and really like the way you explain the Bible verses.  We have three young women and their mother who dress very scantily.  We have waited over five years for them to get older but things are still the same.  We have decided to speak to them as Christian older women, in Christian love but what really is awkward is that they are the Pastor's daughters and wife.  We have seen the church grow smaller and know this is the reason.  Our pastor is a wonderful independent fundamental preacher that always brings us the Word and we do love him and his family. We are reading the Bible and praying for an answer.  I have read almost all of your advice and I am keeping you in my bookmark.  Thanks for any help.

Answer
Hi Dee,
  Your attitude towards this situation is to be admired.  Often church members respond to problems in a condemning and scolding way which hinders them from helping a failing brother or sister.  I do pray that you and your fellow sisters in the Lord will be able to help your pastor's family as you prayerfully let the Holy Spirit guide your efforts.

   First let me mention that the minium standards for a pastor are found in 1 Timothy 3:1-7.    Three verses address the situation of a pastor's wife and daughters dressing inappropriately.

   "One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)   . . . Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil. (1 Timothy 3:4-5, 7)

   The pastor's relationship with his family should be one in which he is respected and followed as the leader and spiritual head of his household. I am mentioning this because it could be that your pastor may not be in agreement with how his wife and daughters are dressing, but has little influence in helping them to see the problem.   If this is the case your efforts to help him see and correct the problem may not be possible without his family having a change of mind which is biblical repentance.  If the pastor's family does not respect him and follow him regrettably he is not qualified to lead a church.   Many good and godly men have had their ministry and service for the Lord hindered or ended by the inappropriate and  actions of their wives and family.

    It should also be noted that 1 Timothy 3:5 the results of a pastor not leading his family properly.   A pastor who does not have the respect of his family will lose the respect of his church also.

    Hopefully, this matter is simply an oversight that has slowly grown and been overlooked.    It is a serious matter however, when a pastor's family hinders his ministry and the work of the Lord in their church.   You and your friends are right in trying to help your pastor whom you love.  The pastor may not be aware of the problem which is causing people to leave.  You are also following Jesus' instructions and the principles concerning handling problems as Matthew 18:15-20 explain.

    The following is taken from a message I preached that addresses the requirement for modestly in godly Christian women.

   GOD'S INSTRUCTION TO WOMEN.
(1 Timothy 2:9)
         GENERAL APPEARANCE. "In like manner" directs the focus of this discourse towards the conduct of Christian women. Paul turns our attention to what "lifting up holy hands" means in reference to women in the church. Verse 8 addresses the whole of all believers in living for the Lord, and this brought up the need to address the conduct of Christian women

         In verse 8, the phrase "I will" carries apostolic authority meaning that this instruction was coming from God. Paul is not saying "I wish" in the sense that it was of little importance, but I will which said, "I command." Paul is commanding men and women to worship the Lord with "holy hands." This passage gives sharp rebuke to the "Sunday" Christian who lives an unpure life during the week. It is clearly is addressing the every day life of a believer. . . both men and women.

         The word "adorn" means "to arrange or put in order." He is giving standards for dress in services, meetings and public life. "Modest" means being well ordered, or well arranged and decent. It does not mean to appear plain, but decent. The word "apparel," refers not only a woman's clothing but also her demeanor or attitude. It refers to inward as well as outward adorning. The outside and the inside should reflect a correct attitude in the heart and her hearts attitude that is made visible in her clothing and outside adornment. Her clothing should reflect a heart focused on a love and honoring of God. A godly woman then would not by her conduct nor her dress bring into question her devotion and faith in the Lord.

         God says that a woman should dress modestly with "shamefacedness and sobriety." Shamefacedness refers to humility that both men and woman should show. It means she should not be outspoken and bold. She should show respect, reverence and regard for others.

         The word "sobriety" means she should conduct herself with soundness of mind and be in control of her emotions. Women are more emotional than men in many ways and quick to be offended or to speak out. Sobriety coupled with shamefacedness means she should reign in her passions and desires and exercise self control.


SPECIFIC APPEARANCE IN BIBLE TIMES
         The Christian women in Ephesus were under the same pressure of women today in being expected to dress in the fashion of the day. However, form the following accounts we can get a good idea concerning the appearance of women culturally in New Testament times:

         JUVENAL: A Roman poet of 1st Century writes about the conduct of women in his day:

"There is nothing that a woman will not permit her self to do, nothing that she deems shameful, and when she encircles her neck with green emeralds and fastens huge pearls to her elongated ears, so important is the business of beautification; so numerous are the tiers and stories piled one on another on her head! In the meantime she pays no attention to her husband"
          PHILO, who was a Jewish-Greek philosopher in his work titled "The Sacrifices of Cain and Abel" described a prostitute bedecked with a multitude of gold chains and bracelets, her hair dressed in elaborate braids, her eyes marked with pencil lines, her eye brows smothered in paint, and her expensive clothes embroider lavishly with flowers.

          PLINY the ELDER a Roman historian of first Century He described Lollia Paulina, the one time wife of the Roman Emperor Caligula, who owned a dress worth by today's standards at least a million dollars. It was covered with pearls and emeralds, and she carried receipts to prove its value.

         Interestingly in Greece, the mystery religions had stringent rules for women which shows that modestly in women was recognized as showing devotion. One inscription said, "A consecrated woman shall not have gold ornaments, nor rouge, nor face whitening, nor a head-band, nor braided hair, nor shoes, except those made of felt or of skins of sacrificed animals"

         God's instruction becomes clear: God is telling women not to wear gaudy clothing, and the styles of pagan women, worn to call attention to themselves, or to dress up to lure men. To do so was to blaspheme the intent of public worship service and further it was ungodly for women to outwardly dress like worldly women. Godly women showed their godly hearts by their outward modest dress.

         Poverty was wide spread in the Early Church. Yet some wealthily church members used the service as an place to show off their wealth by wearing expensive clothes to the services and causing a stir when they entered. Also they would wear expensive and elaborate hair styles. This is totally out of place in a service held to honor and glorify Jesus Christ. The Bible is not prohibiting women from wearing braided hair, or gold or pearls and fine clothes. Proverbs 31:22 stated this godly woman owned such. However, the Bible is clearly forbidding wearing them immodestly and for the wrong motives, or wearing clothes that entice or cause lustfully thinking. Modesty means being modest or not being in access like putting on too much jewelry. It does not reflect godliness for a woman in public or in the church put on a fashion show or a place to show off a her sexuality.

         We come to church to worship the Lord, Sunday morning, night and at Bible Study. Our appearance in public or in church can honor God or dishonor Him by dishonoring ourselves. A godly woman will not bring attention to herself, but dress and live to show her faith in the Lord. Her testimony of her love of the Lord has the first place in her life and she will not do things that will destroy her testimony or send the wrong message about her relationship with the Lord.


Proper Biblical Motives:
         Married Women: She should attract attention to her godly character, not to herself by her actions or clothing. Her clothes show her concern for her husband and her devotion, respect and love for him alone. Wearing immodest clothes or revealing clothes in public is dishonoring to herself and shows little respect for her husband. Her devotion should be to her Lord and to her husband. Single Women: It isn't proper or modest to attract men by wearing seductive clothes or bringing attention to herself. Again, her attractiveness should be in her godly character and testimony for the Lord, rather than outward sexual appeal. It does not mean to dress drab or not to wear one's best. But one's nice modest clothing should not distract from one's godly character, but should reflect it.

         Women should ask themselves: "Does my clothing indicate an inward desire to worship God?" "Does it honor God?" "Does it stand out or is it inappropriate for the occasion?" "Does it reflect godliness or worldliness?" "Does is show I love and respect my husband and am not interested in other men."

         Peter also addresses this matter in 1 Peter 3:1-7:


1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

         Verses 1 and 2 uses the word "conversation." The word is not referring to talking between people, but to the "manner of one's life" or a persons' behavior. (anastrofh an-as-trophe ) Verse 2 added the adjective "chaste." which means pure from carnality, of being modest, pure from every fault, and being immaculate. The verse is instructing women to be in subjection to their own husbands, that they might by their godly manner of life and behavior win them to Christ. None who do not live what they preach has any influence or credibility with someone they are trying to win to the Lord. Actions speak louder than words. If a Christian lives like the world does and is not faithful to the Lord they by their behavior are telling people they are a hypocrite. They are claiming to be something that clearly they are not. Their live style then does not present God's truth and the true live changing affect of the Gospel. The bottom line is that a woman who is by her actions and outward appearance immodest has no testimony for Christ and cannot win her lost husband to something she does not appear to have.

         Verse 2 defines the manner of one's life as being pure and chaste and adds "coupled with fear." This phrase means women are to revere their husbands. Ephesians 5:21 states that both men and women are to be "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God."

         Specifically it means that we love and obey the Lord, because of revere for Him and His instructions for us. God knows what is best for us so we live godly lives as He tells us too. We submit to each other knowing that this is what is best and correct....and because God says this is right.

         In 1 Peter 3:3 states this same instruction that Paul gave to Timothy for the church at Ephesus. Let the manner of one's life not be the outward adorning and showing off one's person, but as Verse 4 says "But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price." Clearly the Lord is referring to the new nature given to Christians when they believe.

         Wives ( and all believers) are to live guided by the Holy Spirit which will produce in us a meek and quiet spirit. The next phrase says that this is of great valve to the Lord. It refers to the great price that the Lord Jesus paid for our redemption. The manner of our lives should correspond and be influenced by the great cost that Jesus paid to save us. It mocks the Lord's sacrifice for sin when a professing believer lives a life that condones sinful behavior and attitudes.

         Peter uses the example of women in Old Testament times who trusted in the Lord and adorned themselves to honor their husbands in whom they were in subjection.

         Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him "lord." This is the same word that is used in reference to God ( kuriov kurios koo'-ree-os). The phrase "afraid with any amazement" in 1 Peter 3:3 means, " fluttering alarm." In other words, no wife need fear a man in doing what is right, and should not be thrown into fluttering alarm by any sudden outbreak of temper on the part of your unbelieving husbands. They should not respond in kind.

         Verse 7, addresses husbands as well, that Christian husbands should dwell with their wives in knowledge. That means with understanding. Men should be appreciating the due relation of the sexes in the design of God, and act with tenderness and forbearance accordingly meaning wisely: with wise consideration.

         "Giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel" It means that both husband and wife are vessels made by God and each God given a specific makeup and responsibility. Man is weak, but the woman, God says, is the weaker. Therefore the man is to honor the woman because God gives honor to the man giving him the responsibility of leadership and provision for his family.

    If you have further questions or comments please write.   I have prayed that God would give your pastor and his family tender hearts that are sensitive to having a good testimony in the church and community.   I have prayed also for you and your friends.  Keep your good spirit and prayerfully follow the Lord's instructions.

Cooper P Abrams III
Romans 12:1-2
http://bible-truth.org
" Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong. Let all your things be done with charity"  (1 Corinthians 16:13-14 )