Expert: Dr. Tim Gladu - 4/15/2009

Question
My husband and I divorced 3 years ago because I was unfaithful and refused to stop the affair. I was a Christian (I repented 3 years after we were married) and he was, and still is not, a Christian. Shortly after our divorce, I was convicted of my sinful lifestyle and repented, seeking forgiveness from both God and my ex-husband. He has forgiven me and we have become very good friends even to the extent of celebrating the holidays together (we do have three children). Neither one of us are remarried. I do hope the following question is not confusing. Is it biblically wrong for me to remarry him since he is an unbeliever? Or because we have been married, is it right to be united with my spouse? I also know that the Scriptures give permission for divorce in the event of unfaithfulness so does that give either one of us permission to remarry whomever we choose? I've been dating some but I'm just not sure that it's right and if it's not proper for me to remarry a Christian, then there is no reason to date. I do see possibilities of dating my ex again sometime in the far future, but he does not want to get married again to anyone. So I wonder if I am bound forever by a broken vow or if I am free to remarry.

Answer
Christy,

I have looked at what the Bible says about divorce and I will share with you what I have found.

'I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel. (Malachi 2:16)
Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. (Matthew 19:8)

It has been said, "Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce." But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery. (Matthew 5:31-32)

Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate. (Mark 10:9)

I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery. (Matthew 19:9)

And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery. (Mark 10:12)

To the married I give this command (not I but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:10-11)

Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (Luke 16:18)

Like a bird that strays from its nest is a man who strays from his home. (Proverbs 27:8)

If a man divorces his wife and she leaves him and marries another man, should he return to her again? Would not the land be completely defiled? (Jeremiah 3:1)

If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. (1 Corinthians 7:12)

And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. (1 Corinthians 7:13)

But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. (I Corinthians 7:15)

If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Timothy 5:8)

I have provided all this because as you can see the central message remains the same throughout the Bible. God never wanted a man to divorce his wife. God wants us to remain married for all time to the same person. He does make provision for the unfaithful spouse. He also gave us the way to divorce and knew that it was because of mans hard heart that we would get divorced. If you want to marry your ex then I am sure that in time that may happen. I would also have to say that if you have repented and have been forgiven that God will also look at that and forgive you. If you marry another man I also do believe that you would be fine. If your ex does not want to be married to you or anyone else that he can do that and be fine. If you do not think that you can live alone and not ever be married again then I believe that we have but to ask and we are forgiven. I am sure that my opinion may not be the same as other pastors and I would have to say that that is fine because I am not the judge I am just a servant of the Lord. You have to find peace with your decision and no man can give you that peace. God is the one who can so speak to God and find the peace you are looking for. If you do get married to your ex someday then that would be great and the scripture supports staying with the unbeliever. I am sure that you will be able to use the scripture and your heart and find the answer you are seeking.