Expert: Rev. Robert Woods - 5/19/2009

Question
I attend a Baptist church where 2 members (male and female married to spouses who are members) carried on an affair.  They held positions in the church.  The pastor knew about the affair for a while.  When it could no longer be hidden, he addressed them 3 times to quit or else.  They decided to resign from the church with hard feelings ( never admitting to what was going on).  The man divorced his wife, yet the woman he was having the affair with is STILL married to her husband, although separated.  She and the man she had an affair with moved in together. The changed churches and the pastor informed our church of everything that went on and took them off the church roll.  The church they changed to would not admit them as members after they contacted our church and was informed of what went on.  Now they have come back to our church and are acting like nothing happened.  They come separately and won't sit with one another, yet they are seen at home together and out "dating".  He claims he is moving to his own home.  However, they still do not admit to any wrongdoing.  The church states they have to let them attend and that we should "forgive and forget" as good Christians do.  I feel I can no longer sit under a pastor that condones this behavior and just forgets about what Corinthians states about sexual immorality.  They state if I leave I was coming for the wrong  reasons anyway.  What is the correct, biblical way of handling this situation?

Answer
Blessings and thank you for your question.

Unfortunately, I have been in this same type of situation in a former church.  There really isn't' an easy answer because you have to weigh two different Biblical positions.

1. Discipline:  The Bible tells us that open sin in the church needs to be dealt with.  It sounds like your Pastor did the right thing in confronting the situation first, then eventually removing them from leadership.  The Bible tells us when someone is in open sin, unrepentive, and refuses to stop then they should be cast out of fellowship.    It does sound like this couple decided to skirt the issue and go to another fellowship to "start over."  But again, your Pastor did the right thing in refusing to a transfer of membership and explaining the sin at hand.  The problem in your situation is, do you now bar them from coming to worship?  If so, you is going to do the baring?  If you bar this couple, what message will that send to the lost who might be coming to your church now?  Do you live in a small town, if so will this become a defining moment for your church in the community?  Believe it or not, moments like these will define who your church is for generations to come.  If your cast out these obvious sinners, then you WILL BE KNOWN as the judgmental church.  The reason we have church discipline is to bring sin out in the open and hope to persuade sinners to repentance and restoration in the church.  Galations 6:1 says "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted."  

2.  Grace: When the woman was caught in adultery, Jesus said "you who is without sin, cast the first stone."  Jesus was not condoning the sin of the woman but was pointing out an important lesson:  Only God can judge.  Grace is forgiveness when we did not deserve it.  As scripture says, "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."  The church is the place where people find grace and hear the word of God.  I agree that this couple is in a great sin.  I agree that they are hypocritical coming and acting like there is no problem.  But shutting them completely out of church, shows no grace at all.


It definitely sounds like your pastor is not condoning the behavior.  He did confront them, removed them from leadership, told the church about the sin, and refused to allow it to become "another church's" problem.  My opinion is (unless your church's constitution or by-laws say otherwise) to continue to allow them to attend your church but in no way allow them to serve in church leadership, worship leadership or represent your church to the community.  Remember in the end, discipline is not meant to be punishment but as a way to bring them back to full reconciliation with Christ and the church.

Thank you for caring for your church so much.  Pray for your Pastor, the enemy will try and use this to divide the church and destroy the Pastor.  May the Lord Bless you richly.