Expert: Elder Greg Madden - 5/2/2009

Question
Help!

I'm at wits end with my wife!

We are good Baptists. However, my wife controls our finances. She has gotten me into serious debt a number of times. Yet she won't let me oversee my own finances! It sounds crazy, I know. I'v etold her over and over agin that I can't take it anymore. But, controlling our money is something she simply can't give up. Once in awhile she will give me a budget plan she devises listing most (but not all) of our debts and monthly expenses. I've even talked to my wife's parents about this problem, but they refuse to do anything about it either.

What do I do?

Answer
Brison,

Hope you don't mind, but your questions was placed in the "questions pool" by another volunteer and I though I may be able to help.

1. First things first, are you and your wife born again Christians? You said nothing in your questions that indicated if you were, or were not (you said you guys were 'good baptist' but that does not necessarily mean that you're Christians). If you both are, then please continue to my next suggestion. If not, then my subsequent suggestions will be of no avail. If you have any doubt about this for yourself, or your wife, then I suggest you go to this link on or ministry site that will help you get started in your relationship with God...

http://www.forministry.com/USOKPENTEMMM1/HowtobecomeaChristian.dsp

2. Are you both committed tithers and givers to your home church? For me to suggest anything to help you in your situation, and you both are not tither's, then my subsequent suggestions will be of no avail (like the first point). If you guys are not, then please consider the following...

You see Brison, my wife and I tithe 10% of our gross income, and give offering above that. Let me tell you, we are blessed because of it! The only place in the Word of God that the Lord ever challenged His people to put Him to the test is in the area of tithes and offerings (Mal. 4). He told His people to "Prove Him". In other words, try tithing and giving offerings and see if He will not "pour you out a blessing you will not be able to contain". God promised us that when we pay our tithes, and give our offerings above tithes, that He would pour out such blessings that we would be unable to contain them. WOW! That is powerful my friend.

The Bible teaches us that it is the will of God for every Believer to have more than enough to meet their needs, to have enough left over to bless others and to give into the work of the Lord. I believe poverty, debt, and lack are a curse. We believe as Christians are obedient in tithing to the local church, sowing financial seeds into ministry, giving of their first fruits, and blessing the needy they will reap a harvest. Provision is having an adequate supply to fulfill the vision (destiny) God has given the Believer, and prosperity is anything more than what meets your needs.
Mal. 3:8-12; Gen. 8:22; Gen 14:20; 1 Kings 17:10-16; Neh. 10:35,37; Prov. 3:9; Lk. 6:38; 2 Cor. 9:6; Gal. 6:7; Phip. 4:10 ,14-19

So if you guys are not tithers and givers, then I suggest you ask the Lord to help you to start today. Otherwise, even if you solved all your financial problems without tithing, your solution would still be based upon money that is not blessed by God.

3. If you both are born-again, and you are both committed tithers and givers to your home church, then I have the following suggestions....

A. Pray in the Name of Jesus that whatever is causing this division between you and your wife would be bound and cast out of your relationship. A house divided cannot stand. So as the spiritual head of your home you need to step up and be just that. The devil has to go when you as the spiritual head call on the Lord!

B. Pray and ask the Lord to bring unity into your home, and your marriage relationship. Once again, a house divided...

D. Ask your wife to join you in prayer about your finances. I have found that when a couple prays together about a specific need that those needs are met. The Lord tell's us in His Word that there is wonder working power when we agree together in prayer.

(After doing steps A-D, you will find that your wife may be more receptive to working on a budget. If not, then do not do continue to press her till she does. If need be, continue to do A-D till she does, then try my next suggestion.)

E. Set up a daily, monthly, and yearly budget. There are a plethora of budget programs that are available. Find the one that fits you both the best. But make sure that it is one that both of you can work on, and that it is not all on one person.

In my own case, my wife is more of a finail person than myself. However, she does not do it on her own (we tried that for many years and it caused her allot of undo stress). My wife and I put our bills into a simple Excel spread sheet (tithes and offerings are the first one's on the list). Then we plugged in our income (we both work) and ergo, budget. It was very important that every bill, or expense was accounted for. Not just bills, but we also knew it was important to put back monies for a "rainy day" fund. Now she has specific bills she pays out of her income, and I pay the rest. After doing this, we really do not have to go over the budget very often (unless something unusual comes up). If you have access to, and the understanding of, Excel spreadsheet, then I suggest you do this too.

But until you find a specific budget program that works best for you, I suggest you try the "envelope" method. This is a very simple way of starting a budget. Take every bill (tithe and offerings first and don't forget 'rainy day' money, food, and gas, ect...), and write the amount and who it is for on the front. Then either place cash or checks (at first cash would be easier). Then pay your bills, and live off of what is left over until your next payday.

Brison, please let me know if this helps, or if you have any further questions.

Elder Greg Madden