Expert: Dr Don Howe - 6/23/2009

Question
QUESTION: I have been studying verses in Matt, Mark, etc on Divorce and remarriage. My question is if I marry a divorced woman (I am also divorced), will we be committing adultery if we remarry anyone other than our ex spouses?

ANSWER:
    Ken, thank so much for your question. I get asked a lot about divorce and remarriage and I know about your concerns. I was divorced once myself.

    Since these type of questions can be very sensitive, I want to sensitive to your situation and concerns. Brother, please resubmit you question and check the privacy box and then the general public can not review what we talk about. I will recieve your question just as you stated above, but it will be private.
    I hope you do not mind. This area is very sensitive and there are many wounded divorced people, and I just want to respond to you in a more confidential way.

Thanks,

Blessings,

Dr. Don Howe, RN, PhD, ThS



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I do not have a problem with my question being public or the response as it does not have our last names. We are very serious about doing the correct thing and are not sensitive about the topic. Please let me (us) know what the proper biblical answer should be. Thanks.

Answer
Ken, thank you for your question. I have gotten many questions about divorce, remarriage, and will there be commitment of adultery if one remarries. The answer to your question is NO. But let’s see what the Word has to say and this may help you.
  I see you have been studying as you stated “I have been studying verses in Matt, Mark, etc on Divorce and remarriage.” But do you truly understand what Jesus is talking about in Matt. 19:3-12 which corresponds to Mark 10:1-10. Matthew does a better job of explaining about divorce, but you have to keep it in context of what Jesus was being asked by the Pharisees. God does not command divorce, He does not condone divorce, He does not condemn because of divorce, but He permits divorce because of the hardness of man’s heart. But I need to explain to you what that really means. God does not condemn because of divorce, but some churches will condemn a divorced man or woman from holding some leadership position in the church because of being divorced. You may have been in this situation.  We have to rightly divide the Word of Truth (2 Tim. 2:15) and keep it in the context of what the Word of God says, not what man might think it says.

   God does not like divorce, condone, or condemn because of divorce,  but permits it. To understand the full meaning of what this means we have go to Matt. 19:3-12, and you have to interpret it in the context that it was written. The Pharisees are trying to trap Jesus about divorce and adultery so they can use it against him. And you can tell as the use of the word “tempting” in verse 3. There were two schools of rabbinical thoughts about the Law of divorce. The first school held the only grounds for divorce was immorality (school of Rabbi Shammai). Another school (school of Rabbi Hillel) believed that anything that displeased the husband was sufficient to obtain a divorce. The Pharisees wanted Jesus to take one side or the other to use as evidence against him. Keep in context Jesus is responding to the questions of the Pharisees related to one of these schools of thought about divorce. Jesus states God does not like divorce but permits it because of the hardness of mans heart (this shows God’s grace toward man by His permitting it and also understood the hardness of man’s heart), and he does not say that adultery or divorce is the one sin that is going to send you to hell.

  Matt. 19:3-4 states “The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made [them] at the beginning made them male and female.” Note in verse 3 tells of the intentions and purpose of the Pharisees is to tempt Jesus. Jesus did not want to get involved in the two controversies about divorce but reminded the Pharisees the original purpose of God’s establishing the marriage bond. So Jesus gave a question back to them that God made male and female in the beginning. God is the one who joins men and women together in marriage. In this, Jesus asserts God’s “ownership” over marriage; it is God’s institution, not man’s, so His rules apply.

  Matt 19:5-6 states “And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” God ordained marriage as the strongest bond in all human relationships. A man leaves his parents and is joined to his wife. The most permanent relationship in society is not between parent and child, but between husband and wife. The two become one flesh. The basic element in marriage is the covenant between man and woman. Let no man put asunder, which asunder is chōrizō in the Greek which means to depart, separate, or divide. Let not man separate the two.

  Matt. 7-8 states “They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.” Then the Pharisees asked Jesus why did Moses command to give a writing of divorcement. Command is entellō in the Greek and it means to order, give charge, or command to be done. So Moses gave an order or charge to give a writing of divorce, and to put her away, which in apolyō in Greek which means to set free, let go, depart, or dismiss. When the order for a divorce was given the woman was set free. Note God never commands divorce but permits it because “hardness of your hearts.”
  What does this “hardness of your hearts” really mean” The word hardened is porosis in the Greek which means to make the heart dull, to grow hard, callous, become dull, lose the power of understanding, dulled spiritual perception as in Mar 3:5, or spiritual blindness. Easton’s Bible Dictionary states the “hardness of heart” is evidences itself by light views of sin; partial acknowledgment and confession of it; pride and conceit; ingratitude; unconcern about the word and ordinances of God; inattention to divine providences; stifling convictions of conscience; shunning reproof; presumption, and general ignorance of divine things.” So because of man’s hardness of heart, which is callous, dulled of spiritual perception, spiritually blind, and inattentive of divine providence of the importance of marriage, God permitted divorce, but did not command it.

  Matthew 19:9-10 states “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with [his] wife, it is not good to marry.” I want to point out three things about these particular verses.
1). You have to keep Matthew 19 in the proper context, that Jesus is answering the question the Pharisees had asked him on God’s position concerning the two rabbinical schools of thought concerning marriage. Jesus is telling them what God’s position is; He does not command divorce but PERMITS it because of the hardness of heart, but God does not condemn because of divorce. Jesus is answering this question based on the LAW which is presently in place when these Pharisees are trying to trap or tempt him (Matt. 19:3). When Jesus died on the Cross and rose again on the third day, the Law was fulfilled to every jot and tittle, and after that,  today  we are under Grace and not the Law.
2). Now let’s address the verse 9-10, “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with [his] wife, it is not good to marry.” The phrase “Whoever set the wife free except for fornication”,  fornication is porneia in the Greek which means illicit sexual intercourse including adultery, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals, and can also mean the worship of idols. According to the Law at this time, if the husband divorces his wife, except for fornication, any man who marries her commits adultery. The reason why a person who does not have a legitimate divorce commits adultery upon remarrying is because they are not divorced in the eyes of God. Since their old marriage was never dissolved on Biblical grounds (sexual immorality or desertion), that marriage is still valid. Ken again, remember in these verses Jesus is answering the question the Pharisees had asked him on God’s position concerning the two rabbinical schools of thought concerning marriage. Jesus is telling them what God’s position is; He does not command divorce but PERMITS it because of the hardness of heart, but God does not condemn because of divorce.
3). The third part address your next question “will we be committing adultery if we remarry anyone other than our ex spouses?” And the answer is “NO.” We are not under the Law but under Grace. When you ask Jesus to be your Lord, Savior, and you have a personal relationship with him, your sins are forgiven and covered by the blood of Jesus. Rom 4:7 states “Blessed [are] they whose iniquities are forgiven, and whose sins are covered.“ Covered by what, the blood of Jesus. Jim, when you accepted Jesus as your Savior all of your iniquities (including getting a divorce) is covered by the blood of Jesus, God says he remembers them no more. Heb. 10:17 states “And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.” Now you are cleansed for ALL UNRIGHTEOUSNESS. 1Jo 1:9 states “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” In summary, Ken when you accept Jesus as your Savior the following happened: 1) You are blessed because your sins are forgiven (Rom. 4:7), 2) your sins (including being divorced) are covered by the blood of Jesus (Rom. 4:7), 3) God forgets your sins and iniquities for ever and remembers them NO MORE (Heb. 10:17), and 4) you are cleansed from all unrighteousness (note God said all unrighteousness which includes divorce) as stated in 1 John 1:9. So God’s grace and forgiveness did all of the above when you were saved and your iniquities are not remembered no more by God. So if we remarry someone else, we are under Grace and not the Law. This does not give you permission to marry and divorce over and over again. Remember, we all will have to give an account of all our sins one day to the Lord Jesus in Heaven when we die. Your faith in Lord Jesus will exhibited by living a godly life in the freedom given to you by the cross, and this does not mean getting divorced over and over again. This would be a poor witness or poor works of fatih as the bible calls it. James 2:17 states “Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.” We are not saved by works, but by a faith that DOES WORK.
  The Bible does not say that the blood of the Cross covered all sins except remarriage and divorce. It covers that to. It is our witness in our marriages after we are saved that is important.
  But remember God does not command divorce, does not condone divorce, does not condemn because of divorce, but permits divorce because of the spiritual harness of man’s heart. So do not exhibit any self-condemning ideology because you have been divorced, remarry, or think you will be committing adultery if you remarry. The blood of Jesus covered all this and God forgets your sins when you become saved.
  Any unfaithfulness that anyone commits after getting remarried and being saved is committing adultery plan and simple. Then that sin will have to addressed between God and the adulterous, and not based on the LAW which was in place in Matt. 19:3-12.

  Matthew 19:11-12 states “But he said unto them, All [men] cannot receive this saying, save [they] to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from [their] mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive [it], let him receive [it].” The disciples understood Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce clearly. They understood that it was not a commitment to be entered into quickly or lightly, and considered that since marriage is so binding before God, then maybe it is better not to marry.
“All [men] cannot receive this saying, save [they] to whom it is given” means Jesus recognized that celibacy is good for some, for the one who is able to accept it (such as the apostle Paul). In verse 12, the term eunuch was used figuratively for those who voluntarily abstain for marriage. Jesus doesn’t necessarily mean biological eunuchs, though He certainly includes them among those who abstain from marriage.

I that is the full meaning of Matt. 19:3-12. God will forgive a man if he is divorced and does not condemn that man,  but some churches do condemn people for being divorced. Ken, I hope you have not run into some of these type of churches. They are so damaging to the people.

Ken, since you are asking what does the bible say about marriage and divorce other than adultery, we need to look at 1 Cor. 7:12-15. We need to keep in context that in 1 Cor. 7, Paul is answering specific questions asked of him in a letter by the Corinthian Christians.

1 Cor. 7:12 states “But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.” Paul says “but to the rest speak I, not he Lord” means that Jesus did not teach on this principle brought up by this specific question asked of Paul. Just because Jesus did not teach on it does not mean Paul is not just inspired by the Holy Spirit. If Jesus did not teach on it, his inspired apostle did. Paul is saying if a Christian husband is living with a non-believing wife he is not to divorce her (put her away). This is why it is important for a Christian not to be unequally yoked to a non-believer as Paul mentions in 2 Corinthians 6:14. But they are not to get a divorce.

1 Cor. 7:13 states “And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.” This applies to a Christian wife not divorcing a non-believing husband.

1 Cor. 7:14 tells us why they should not get a divorce, the text states “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.” Sanctified in the Greek is hagiazō which means to separate from profane things and dedicate to God. So the unbelieving husband is separate from profane things and is dedicated to God by the believing wife and the same applies to believing husband toward unbelieving wife. As result of this the children become holy.
  In churches today, you see this too numerous times to count. A Christian woman come to church on regular basis with her kids, but the non-believing husband who is at home on Sunday drinking beer and watching football as far as God is concerned he is being sanctified (set apart) by the Godly wife he is married to. God places his grace upon the household due to the Christian wife, the children grow in the Lord without the help of the unbelieving father, and God takes care of that family. This does not mean the unsaved husband is saved because he married to a Christian wife that is only when the unsaved husband comes to the Cross. The greatest blessing out of this type of relationship is that the kids are no longer unclean. Zuck states about this “divorce was to be avoided because the Christian spouse was a channel of God’s grace in the marriage. Within the “one flesh” relationship the blessing of God which came to the Christian affected the family as a whole (such as Jacob in Laban’s household [Gen. 30:27] and Joseph in Potiphar’s [Gen. 39:5] also Rom. 11:16). It is in this sense that the unbelieving spouse was sanctified and the children are holy.”
  The Godly Christian will not lead the unbelieving husband by words or gripping at him, but by her conduct. 1 Peter 3:1-6 states Christians married to unbelieving spouses will not likely led the unbelieving spouse to Jesus by their words, but by their godly and loving conduct.
  Morris comments on the children also. He takes “the children as holy” one step further and states “Until he is old enough to take responsibility upon himself, the child of a believing parent is to be regarded as Christian. The parents ‘holiness’ extends to the child.” Only God could do that.

  In 1 Cor. 7:15, Paul addresses a different situation. The text states “But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]: but God hath called us to peace.” If the “unbelieving depart, let him depart,” means if the unbelieving spouse refuses to be married (he or she departs or deserts), then the marriage can be broken; but this isn’t to be initiated or sought by the believer. Paul is not saying the Christian spouse should depart or bail out of the marriage for whatever reason, and seek or initiate an end of the marriage. If the unbelieving spouse leaves (departs and does not want to be married) it is okay for the Christian spouse to break the marriage (here is an example where God does not command divorce but permits it)(this is desertion). Paul tells us why this okay. Because “A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]” Guzik states it very nicely “If the unbelieving spouse should depart, the Christian is not under bondage to the marriage covenant. This means they are, in fact, free to remarry because God has recognized their divorce as a valid divorce,” AND THIS DOES SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IF YOU GET REMARRIED YOU ARE COMMITTING ADULTERY  BECAUSE WE ARE NOT UNDER THE LAW. Guzik is saying God permits divorce (“valid divorce”) but does not command it.    


I want to take this further for profit for doctrine (means teaching) and instruction in righteousness. What if a Christian woman is married to a Christian husband who beats her, chokes her, sexually abuses her, threatens her, pulls a knife on her and cuts her, etc? Is she justified by 1 Cor. 7:15 to end the marriage covenant and not be under bondage. You bet she can, and she can put the sucker in jail. It does not matter if he is a Christian in name only, he had deserted his marriage vows by being abusive to his wife because he is not loving his wife as Christ loves the Church and died for i (Eph. 5:25), he will “sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word” (Eph. 5:26), and finally the real Christian husband will “also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself” (Eph. 5:28), so if a Christian husband loves his wife this much as stated in Eph. He is not going to hurt her but he will sanctify her. The abusive Christian is still deserting what God's has ordained him to be as a Christian husband.
Abusive men have to held accountable and that sometimes means putting them in jail and getting some psychiatric help at times.
Still the only two reasons for a biblical divorce is adultery and desertion as stated in Matthew and 1 Cor.
  But if you remarry another person they have to be a Christian also or you are going to be unequally yoked and problems can occur there. But you are not committing adultery because we are not under the LAW (which was still in place in Matthew 19 as Jesus had not died on the cross at that time) but GRACE (which was in place in 1 Cor). That does not mean that God is not still going to hold us accountable for our failed marriages as we will stand before Jesus and give an account of all our SINS.     

  Ken, this is the biblical response to Matthew Chapter 19 and 1 Cor. Chapter 7, but remember to keep both chapters in context as Jesus is answering the Pharisees concerning the two rabbinical schools of thought on divorce and they were trying to trap Jesus in Matthew. And the Apostle Paul is addressing a question about divorce and marriage asked by the Corinthians. I know it is lengthy but may be it will help you understand biblically what the Word says about divorce and marriage.
   So many churches condemn people because they are divorced but the divorce rate is just as high for Christians as it for nonbelievers. So church are going have stop being Pharisaical and be biblical and stop beating up on divorced believers.

Ken, just make sure you are saved and that you calling and election is sure (2 Pet. 1:10).

I hope this helps my Brother. May God's Blessing be upon you and the woman you marry.

Blessings,

Dr Don Howe, RN, PhD, ThD