Expert: Dr. Billy Kryger - 7/15/2009

Question
My husband and I were the teen leaders at our small church until a younger more hip couple in their 20's  joined the church.  Without any mention to us 2-4 weeks after they joined the Pastor asked us to step down, we are in our early 40's. Our children and we dress up  to go to church out of respect for God, the other couple dress down, jeans and whatever top.  She also has pink stripes in her hair and tatoos on her leg and back.  She wears low back tops to highlight her tatoo.  We had teen group which is our 3 boys and pastors 2 kids, for about 16 months during that time the Pastor's teen daughter turned 16 and went wild, sex, drinking maybe drugs.  Then as we were asked to step down their son turned 16 and failed a drug test.  They blame us for their teens rebeliousness as do their children. We have been slammed all over facebook and my space by pastors wife and daughter and new lady teen leader. They don't mention our names. We have 3 teens ourselves 14,15,17 all boys.  Our boys are not rebellious they are often complimented about their behavior.   When we teach the teens, we have them read out loud the context of the scripture of bible drawing on bible men and women lives which drives home the points of Christ like attitudes and standing strong on bible and God vs temptations and regular daily life.
We have pointed toward James 3:1 , 1 & 2 Timothy about leaders needing to be held to a higher standard now we are called judgmental and righteous and our boys are hearing it from the Pastors kids how wrong we are.  Although the kids remain good friends.  We believe our boys understand and agree and have stood up for our beliefs and convictions. Also we are being called angry because we do not believe in fundraisers for church actitives and redecorations of the church. We will not allow our kids to participate in these events. Which is something the new teen leaders have started with car washes at Wal Mart and movies nights with snacks at the church to raise funds inviting any and all in the community who wish to come and pay for the snacks, to raise money. The new leaders bought the snacks with money that Wal Mart donated to the church through the car wash.
I know this is not simple but my husband said he doesn't want to talk about this with any famliy or friends because he doesn't want to discredit us or the church.  Are we to blame for the pastor kids rebellion?

Answer
Theresa:

    No.  You and your husband are not responsible for the rebellion of the Pastor's kids.  It sounds like your teaching was based on Scriptural principles and you even made the extra effort to ensure that the proper context was viewed.  

    Many parents blame the church/youth group if their children go astray.  The fact of the matter is that the church's role is to enhance what is being taught in the home--especially a Pastor's home.  Church leaders are not to be "buddies" with their young people, they are to be Godly examples.  That's not to say that young people ought not have a good time in church, they should.  But there is a difference between having fun with young people and lowering your standards to get them to like you, which it sounds like is being done now.