Expert: Dr Don Howe - 8/17/2009

Question
Hi Dr. Howe my question is regarding my husband and i! my husband has been married before and we began dating at the end of his marriage but he was still married, so i know in one of your questions you answered you said our sins were covered by by God even the sin of remarrying but does it cover it if you stay in an illegal marriage?? both my husband and his ex wife were committing adultery she actually conceived another mans child while they were married, but that still doesn't make it right what he and i did!!! so am i committing adultery by being married to him?????

Answer
  Shannon, thank you for your question. Your are not committing adultery because you are married. Because the all sins of the past, present, and future were paid for by Jesus on the Cross. But you have to forgive yourself for what you did, but if you asked God to forgive you then He has. God says that “And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more” (Heb. 10:17). Psa. 32:1-2 says best “How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, Whose sin is covered! How blessed is the man to whom the LORD does not impute iniquity, And in whose spirit there is no deceit!”
  People fell like they have to  forgive themselves when  they have sinned, because they have never feel like they are truly forgiven by God. There are no bible verses that say we need to forgive ourselves specifically. The problem becomes a heart-problem in which we can fully come to grips with God's forgiveness of us.  Our  freedom from guilt and shame is not now nor ever will be dependent upon us  forgiving ourselves.  But our freedom is dependent upon our knowledge of and belief in God's deep, deep forgiveness of all our sins. If God has forgiven me then I do not have to forgive myself because it is covered by the Cross. John 1:9 states “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

  We keep picking up that old baggage (feelings of guilt, shame for old sins) and carry it around. There is a story that there were two women, one was a black lady and one was a white lady, who came to the cross to ask God for the forgiveness of their sins and give over their baggage to God. The black lady left her baggage at the cross and her hand were clean and empty, but the white lady picked her baggage up again and carried it out with her. The white lady had never felt forgiven (she had a heart-problem) and picked her baggage up again. Shannon, I hope you are not like the second lady in this story. If you have truly repented of your sins, asked Jesus to be your Savior and Lord, have a relationship with him (this is were most Christians fail in their Christian walk), worship in a local congregation, and serve Him, then you should know that your sins are forgiven. Have you failed to do any of these? Then, this may be why you  feel like your have not been forgiven and still committing adultery. God has forgiven you. Leave any old baggage at the Cross and START LIVING IN THE GRACE OF ALMIGHTY GOD. I am saying all this to encourage you and I want you to stop beating yourself up, because it not necessary.

  Shannon, you asked “both my husband and his ex wife were committing adultery she actually conceived another mans child while they were married, but that still doesn't make it right what he and i did!!! so am i committing adultery” The answer is depends on whether you were married at the time also.
  When your husband and ex-wife (while they were still married)  were sexually immoral with other people they were committing adultery, and he was committing adultery with you. But he had sexual relationship with you while he was still married to his ex-wife and you were not married, then you were committing FORNICATION NOT ADULTERY. ADULTERY IS COMMITTED ONLY BY MARRIED PEOPLE. SINGLE PEOPLE COMMIT FORNICATION. Both are equally wrong. If your were married also, and messing around with your husband, while he was still married to his ex-wife, then you would have committed adultery also. Sounds like you were committing fornication.

  I assuming your husband got a divorce from his ex-wife, and then he married you. The next question, “Are you committing adultery now being married to a previous adulterous man.” And the answer is NO. Remember, once we become saved and as God to forgive us, then were are forgiven of all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).

 Shannon for your own edification I want to look at Matthew 19:3-12,  break these verses down in their context, and “rightly divide the word of truth” for you, and show you that marriage is serious business as far God is concerned. God never commanded divorce but permits it because of the hardness of man’s heart.
  God does not like divorce, condone, or condemn because of divorce, but permits it because of the hardiness of man’s heart. To understand the full meaning of what this means we have go to Matt. 19:3-12, and you have to interpret it in the context that it was written. The Pharisees are trying to trap Jesus about divorce and adultery so they can use it against him. And you can tell as the use of the word “tempting” in verse 3. There were two schools of rabbinical thoughts about the Law of divorce. The first school held the only grounds for divorce was immorality (school of Rabbi Shammai). Another school (school of Rabbi Hillel) believed that anything that displeased the husband was sufficient to obtain a divorce. The Pharisees wanted Jesus to take one side or the other to use as evidence against him. Keep in context Jesus is responding to the questions of the Pharisees related to one of these schools of thought about divorce. Jesus states God does not like divorce but permits it because of the hardness of mans heart (this shows God’s grace toward man by His permitting it and also understood the hardness of man’s heart).
  Matt. 19:3-4 states “The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made [them] at the beginning made them male and female.” Note in verse 3 tells of the intentions and purpose of the Pharisees is to tempt Jesus. Jesus did not want to get involved in the two controversies about divorce but reminded the Pharisees the original purpose of God’s establishing the marriage bond. So Jesus gave a question back to them that God made male and female in the beginning. God is the one who joins men and women together in marriage. In this, Jesus asserts God’s “ownership” over marriage; it is God’s institution, not man’s, so His rules apply.

   Matt 19:5-6 states “And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” God ordained marriage as the strongest bond in all human relationships. A man leaves his parents and is joined to his wife. The most permanent relationship in society is not between parent and child, but between husband and wife. The two become one flesh. The basic element in marriage is the covenant between man and woman. Let no man put asunder, which asunder is chōrizō in the Greek which means to depart, separate, or divide. Let not man separate the two.

  Matt. 7-8 states “They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.” Then the Pharisees asked Jesus why did Moses command to give a writing of divorcement. Command is entellō in the Greek and it means to order, give charge, or command to be done. So Moses gave an order or charge to give a writing of divorce, and to put her away, which in apolyō in Greek which means to set free, let go, depart, or dismiss. When the order for a divorce was given the woman was set free. Note God never commands divorce but permits it because “hardness of your hearts.”
What does this “hardness of your hearts” really mean? The word hardened is porosis in the Greek which means to make the heart dull, to grow hard, callous, become dull, lose the power of understanding, dulled spiritual perception as in Mar 3:5, or spiritual blindness. Easton’s Bible Dictionary states the “hardness of heart” is evidences itself by light views of sin; partial acknowledgment and confession of it; pride and conceit; ingratitude; unconcern about the word and ordinances of God; inattention to divine providences; stifling convictions of conscience; shunning reproof; presumption, and general ignorance of divine things.” So because of man’s hardness of heart, which is callous, dulled of spiritual perception, spiritually blind, and inattentive of divine providence of the importance of marriage, God permitted divorce, but did not command it.
But out of God’s mercy he has not commanded, does not condone divorce, nor does He condemn because of divorce but has allowed it due to the hardness of man’s heart.

   Matthew 19:9-10 states “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with [his] wife, it is not good to marry.” I want to point out three things about these particular verses.
1). You have to keep Matthew 19 in the proper context, that Jesus is answering the question the Pharisees had asked him on God’s position concerning the two rabbinical schools of thought concerning marriage. Jesus is telling them what God’s position is; He does not command divorce but PERMITS it because of the hardness of heart, but God does not condemn because of divorce. Jesus is answering this question based on the LAW which is presently in place when these Pharisees are trying to trap or tempt him (Matt. 19:3). When Jesus died on the Cross and rose again on the third day, the Law was fulfilled to every jot and tittle, and after that, today we are under Grace and not the Law.

2). Now let’s address the verse 9-10, “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with [his] wife, it is not good to marry.” The phrase “Whoever set the wife free except for fornication”, fornication is porneia in the Greek which means illicit sexual intercourse including adultery, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals, and can also mean the worship of idols. According to the Law at this time, if the husband divorces his wife, except for fornication, any man who marries her commits adultery. The reason why a person who does not have a legitimate divorce commits adultery upon remarrying is because they are not divorced in the eyes of God. Since their old marriage was never dissolved on Biblical grounds (sexual immorality or desertion), that marriage is still valid. Remember in these verses Jesus is answering the question the Pharisees had asked him on God’s position concerning the two rabbinical schools of thought concerning marriage. Jesus is telling them what God’s position is; He does not command divorce but PERMITS it because of the hardness of heart, but God does not condemn because of divorce.

3. The third part address your question “so am i committing adultery by being married to him?”  And the answer is “NO.” We are not under the Law but under Grace. When you ask Jesus to be your Lord, Savior, and you have a personal relationship with him, your sins are forgiven and covered by the blood of Jesus. Rom 4:7 states “Blessed [are] they whose iniquities are forgiven, and whose sins are covered.“ Covered by what, the blood of Jesus. Jim, when you accepted Jesus as your Savior all of your iniquities (including getting a divorce) is covered by the blood of Jesus, God says he remembers them no more. Heb. 10:17 states “And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.” Now you are cleansed for ALL UNRIGHTEOUSNESS. 1Jo 1:9 states “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” In summary, Ken when you accept Jesus as your Savior the following happened: 1) You are blessed because your sins are forgiven (Rom. 4:7), 2) your sins (including being divorced) are covered by the blood of Jesus (Rom. 4:7), 3) God forgets your sins and iniquities for ever and remembers them NO MORE (Heb. 10:17), and 4) you are cleansed from all unrighteousness (note God said all unrighteousness which includes divorce) as stated in 1 John 1:9. So God’s grace and forgiveness did all of the above when you were saved and your iniquities are not remembered no more by God. So if we remarry someone else, we are under Grace and not the Law. This does not give you permission to marry and divorce over and over again. Remember, we all will have to give an account of all our sins one day to the Lord Jesus in Heaven when we die. Your faith in Lord Jesus will exhibited by living a godly life in the freedom given to you by the cross, and this does not mean getting divorced over and over again. This would be a poor witness or poor works of fatih as the bible calls it. James 2:17 states “Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.” We are not saved by works, but by a faith that DOES WORK.
The Bible does not say that the blood of the Cross covered all sins except remarriage and divorce. It covers that to. It is our witness for Jesus in our marriages after we are saved that is important.

  Finally in Matthew 19:11-12 states “But he said unto them, All [men] cannot receive this saying, save [they] to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from [their] mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive [it], let him receive [it].” The disciples understood Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce clearly. They understood that it was not a commitment to be entered into quickly or lightly, and considered that since marriage is so binding before God, then maybe it is better not to marry.
“All [men] cannot receive this saying, save [they] to whom it is given” means Jesus recognized that celibacy is good for some, for the one who is able to accept it (such as the apostle Paul). In verse 12, the term eunuch was used figuratively for those who voluntarily abstain for marriage. Jesus doesn’t necessarily mean biological eunuchs, though He certainly includes them among those who abstain from marriage.

 I hope sharing what Matt. Chapter 19 really means will help you understand what God says about divorce, and you can stop feeling guilty. You need to make sure you and your husband are saved, asked Jesus to be your Savior and Lord, and be in a relationship with him.

Shannon, if you still have issues with this or other things in your life, I suggest that you find yourself a Christian counselor in your area and get some counseling and guidance.

Blessing to you today.

Dr Don Howe, RN, PhD, ThD




  

     















Shannon, thank you for your question. Your are not committing adultery because you are married. Because the all sins of the past, present, and future were paid for by Jesus on the Cross. But you have to forgive yourself for what you did, but if you asked God to forgive you then He has. God says that “And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more” (Heb. 10:17). Psa. 32:1-2 says best “How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, Whose sin is covered! How blessed is the man to whom the LORD does not impute iniquity, And in whose spirit there is no deceit!”
People fell like they have to  forgive themselves when  they have sinned, because they have never feel like they are truly forgiven by God. There are no bible verses that say we need to forgive ourselves specifically. The problem becomes a heart-problem in which we can fully come to grips with God's forgiveness of us.  Our  freedom from guilt and shame is not now nor ever will be dependent upon us  forgiving ourselves.  But our freedom is dependent upon our knowledge of and belief in God's deep, deep forgiveness of all our sins. If God has forgiven me then I do not have to forgive myself because it is covered by the Cross. John 1:9 states “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

We keep picking up that old baggage (feelings of guilt, shame for old sins) and carry it around. There is a story that there were two women, one was a black lady and one was a white lady, who came to the cross to ask God for the forgiveness of their sins and give over their baggage to God. The black lady left her baggage at the cross and her hand were clean and empty, but the white lady picked her baggage up again and carried it out with her. The white lady had never felt forgiven (she had a heart-problem) and picked her baggage up again. Shannon, I hope you are not like the second lady in this story. If you have truly repented of your sins, asked Jesus to be your Savior and Lord, have a relationship with him (this is were most Christians fail in their Christian walk), worship in a local congregation, and serve Him, then you should know that your sins are forgiven. Have you failed to do any of these? Then, this may be why you  feel like your have not been forgiven and still committing adultery. God has forgiven you. Leave any old baggage at the Cross and START LIVING IN THE GRACE OF ALMIGHTY GOD. I am saying all this to encourage you and I want you to stop beating yourself up, because it not necessary.

Shannon, you asked “both my husband and his ex wife were committing adultery she actually conceived another mans child while they were married, but that still doesn't make it right what he and i did!!! so am i committing adultery” The answer is depends on whether you were married at the time also.
When your husband and ex-wife were sexually immoral with other people they were committing adultery, and he was committing adultery with you. But if had sexual relationship with your husband while he was still married to his ex-wife, your were committing FORNICATION NOT ADULTERY. ADULTERY IS COMMITTED ONLY BY MARRIED PEOPLE. SINGLE PEOPLE COMMIT FORNICATION. Both are equally wrong. If your were married also, and messing around with your husband, while he was still married to his ex-wife, then you would have committed adultery also. Sounds like you were committing fornication.

I assuming your husband got a divorce from his ex-wife, and then he married you. The next question, “Are you committing adultery now being married to a previous adulterous man.” And the answer is NO. Remember, once we become saved and as God to forgive us, then were are forgiven of all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).

Shannon for your own edification I want to look at Matthew 19:3-12,  break these verses down in their context, and “rightly divide the word of truth” for you, and show you that marriage is serious business as far God is concerned. God never commanded divorce but permits it because of the hardness of man’s heart.
  God does not like divorce, condone, or condemn because of divorce, but permits it because of the hardiness of man’s heart. To understand the full meaning of what this means we have go to Matt. 19:3-12, and you have to interpret it in the context that it was written. The Pharisees are trying to trap Jesus about divorce and adultery so they can use it against him. And you can tell as the use of the word “tempting” in verse 3. There were two schools of rabbinical thoughts about the Law of divorce. The first school held the only grounds for divorce was immorality (school of Rabbi Shammai). Another school (school of Rabbi Hillel) believed that anything that displeased the husband was sufficient to obtain a divorce. The Pharisees wanted Jesus to take one side or the other to use as evidence against him. Keep in context Jesus is responding to the questions of the Pharisees related to one of these schools of thought about divorce. Jesus states God does not like divorce but permits it because of the hardness of mans heart (this shows God’s grace toward man by His permitting it and also understood the hardness of man’s heart).
  Matt. 19:3-4 states “The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made [them] at the beginning made them male and female.” Note in verse 3 tells of the intentions and purpose of the Pharisees is to tempt Jesus. Jesus did not want to get involved in the two controversies about divorce but reminded the Pharisees the original purpose of God’s establishing the marriage bond. So Jesus gave a question back to them that God made male and female in the beginning. God is the one who joins men and women together in marriage. In this, Jesus asserts God’s “ownership” over marriage; it is God’s institution, not man’s, so His rules apply.

Matt 19:5-6 states “And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” God ordained marriage as the strongest bond in all human relationships. A man leaves his parents and is joined to his wife. The most permanent relationship in society is not between parent and child, but between husband and wife. The two become one flesh. The basic element in marriage is the covenant between man and woman. Let no man put asunder, which asunder is chōrizō in the Greek which means to depart, separate, or divide. Let not man separate the two.

  Matt. 7-8 states “They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.” Then the Pharisees asked Jesus why did Moses command to give a writing of divorcement. Command is entellō in the Greek and it means to order, give charge, or command to be done. So Moses gave an order or charge to give a writing of divorce, and to put her away, which in apolyō in Greek which means to set free, let go, depart, or dismiss. When the order for a divorce was given the woman was set free. Note God never commands divorce but permits it because “hardness of your hearts.”
What does this “hardness of your hearts” really mean? The word hardened is porosis in the Greek which means to make the heart dull, to grow hard, callous, become dull, lose the power of understanding, dulled spiritual perception as in Mar 3:5, or spiritual blindness. Easton’s Bible Dictionary states the “hardness of heart” is evidences itself by light views of sin; partial acknowledgment and confession of it; pride and conceit; ingratitude; unconcern about the word and ordinances of God; inattention to divine providences; stifling convictions of conscience; shunning reproof; presumption, and general ignorance of divine things.” So because of man’s hardness of heart, which is callous, dulled of spiritual perception, spiritually blind, and inattentive of divine providence of the importance of marriage, God permitted divorce, but did not command it.
But out of God’s mercy he has not commanded, does not condone divorce, nor does He condemn because of divorce but has allowed it due to the hardness of man’s heart.

Matthew 19:9-10 states “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with [his] wife, it is not good to marry.” I want to point out three things about these particular verses.
1). You have to keep Matthew 19 in the proper context, that Jesus is answering the question the Pharisees had asked him on God’s position concerning the two rabbinical schools of thought concerning marriage. Jesus is telling them what God’s position is; He does not command divorce but PERMITS it because of the hardness of heart, but God does not condemn because of divorce. Jesus is answering this question based on the LAW which is presently in place when these Pharisees are trying to trap or tempt him (Matt. 19:3). When Jesus died on the Cross and rose again on the third day, the Law was fulfilled to every jot and tittle, and after that, today we are under Grace and not the Law.

2). Now let’s address the verse 9-10, “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with [his] wife, it is not good to marry.” The phrase “Whoever set the wife free except for fornication”, fornication is porneia in the Greek which means illicit sexual intercourse including adultery, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals, and can also mean the worship of idols. According to the Law at this time, if the husband divorces his wife, except for fornication, any man who marries her commits adultery. The reason why a person who does not have a legitimate divorce commits adultery upon remarrying is because they are not divorced in the eyes of God. Since their old marriage was never dissolved on Biblical grounds (sexual immorality or desertion), that marriage is still valid. Remember in these verses Jesus is answering the question the Pharisees had asked him on God’s position concerning the two rabbinical schools of thought concerning marriage. Jesus is telling them what God’s position is; He does not command divorce but PERMITS it because of the hardness of heart, but God does not condemn because of divorce.

3. The third part address your question “so am i committing adultery by being married to him?”  And the answer is “NO.” We are not under the Law but under Grace. When you ask Jesus to be your Lord, Savior, and you have a personal relationship with him, your sins are forgiven and covered by the blood of Jesus. Rom 4:7 states “Blessed [are] they whose iniquities are forgiven, and whose sins are covered.“ Covered by what, the blood of Jesus. Jim, when you accepted Jesus as your Savior all of your iniquities (including getting a divorce) is covered by the blood of Jesus, God says he remembers them no more. Heb. 10:17 states “And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.” Now you are cleansed for ALL UNRIGHTEOUSNESS. 1Jo 1:9 states “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” In summary, Ken when you accept Jesus as your Savior the following happened: 1) You are blessed because your sins are forgiven (Rom. 4:7), 2) your sins (including being divorced) are covered by the blood of Jesus (Rom. 4:7), 3) God forgets your sins and iniquities for ever and remembers them NO MORE (Heb. 10:17), and 4) you are cleansed from all unrighteousness (note God said all unrighteousness which includes divorce) as stated in 1 John 1:9. So God’s grace and forgiveness did all of the above when you were saved and your iniquities are not remembered no more by God. So if we remarry someone else, we are under Grace and not the Law. This does not give you permission to marry and divorce over and over again. Remember, we all will have to give an account of all our sins one day to the Lord Jesus in Heaven when we die. Your faith in Lord Jesus will exhibited by living a godly life in the freedom given to you by the cross, and this does not mean getting divorced over and over again. This would be a poor witness or poor works of fatih as the bible calls it. James 2:17 states “Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.” We are not saved by works, but by a faith that DOES WORK.
The Bible does not say that the blood of the Cross covered all sins except remarriage and divorce. It covers that to. It is our witness for Jesus in our marriages after we are saved that is important.

  Finally in Matthew 19:11-12 states “But he said unto them, All [men] cannot receive this saying, save [they] to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from [their] mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive [it], let him receive [it].” The disciples understood Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce clearly. They understood that it was not a commitment to be entered into quickly or lightly, and considered that since marriage is so binding before God, then maybe it is better not to marry.
“All [men] cannot receive this saying, save [they] to whom it is given” means Jesus recognized that celibacy is good for some, for the one who is able to accept it (such as the apostle Paul). In verse 12, the term eunuch was used figuratively for those who voluntarily abstain for marriage. Jesus doesn’t necessarily mean biological eunuchs, though He certainly includes them among those who abstain from marriage.

I hope sharing what Matt. Chapter 19 really means will help you understand what God says about divorce, and you can stop feeling guilty. But make sure you and your husband are saved.

Shannon, if you still have issues with this or other things in your life, I suggest that you find yourself a Christian counselor in your area and get some counseling and guidance.

Blessing to you today.

Dr Don Howe, RN, PhD, ThD




  

     




















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