Expert: Rev. Robert Woods - 9/20/2009

Question
I divorced my husband because he committed adultery.  I am currently dating a man that divorced his wife for withholding "intimacy" for over two years.  I know that the Bible accepts adultery as a cause for divorce, but what about withholding "intimacy"?  Does that constitute "marital unfaithfulness?"  Would we be free to marry each other.  He is a Christian, and so am I.  We want to marry, but I want to be sure our marriage would be acceptable to God.

I appreciate your prayerful consideration of this question.

Answer
Blessings and thank you for your question.

Short Answer:  withholding intimacy is a sin.  Paul points this out in 1 Cor 7:4 The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

While withholding intimacy is a sin, it is not a reason for divorce.  However, the divorce has already occured.  I think that if you have truly repented for the failure of your past relationships and you have taken the steps to dedicate your new life to Christ, then I don't see why you can't go ahead and get married.

Long Answer: Divorce is a sin.  When God created marriage, he intended for 2 people to be together until death.  Divorce came into the picture when sin entered the marriage.  God gave permission for people to divorce when their partner was unfaithful.  By the time of Jesus, divorce was a big problem.  Many Jewish men would marry prostitutes for a night and divorce them the next morning.  This enabled them to get what they wanted without breaking the law.  

Jesus saw the hardening of their hearts and pointed out that marriage was a sacred vow.  Divorce should only happen in the severest of cases.  

Divorce is not a sin only if your partner was unfaithful or if your partner is not a Christian and wishes to divorce.  Now I don't think God would want someone to stay in a marriage where they are being abused.  So each case of divorce should be looked at individually.

While divorce is a sin, it is not an unforgivable sin.  I believe that if a person is in relationship with Christ, repents and asks the Father for forgiveness, then the Father forgives that person.  Then they are free to marry again.    

Marriage is sacred.  Unfortunately we live in a time when a vow for life no longer means anything.  So many people go into a marriage thinking they will divorce if it doesn’t work out.  Divorce should only happen in extreme circumstances.  

Scripture on Divorce:  Exodus 21:10-11; Ezra 10:1-6; Deuteronomy 24:1-4; Isaiah 54:6; Jeremiah 3:1, 20; Hosea 2:7. Malachi 2:13-16; Matthew 1:19, 5:31-32, 19:3-9 24:37-38; Mark 10:2-12; Romans 7:1-3; 1 Corinthians 7:1-16; 2 Timothy 3:3