Expert: Pastor Don Carpenter - 1/26/2010

Question
I have been living with my boyfriend for 6 years and we have one child together. I also have an older daughter who he cares for as if she were his own (her biological father isn't involved in her life). He wants to get married, but I feel that it wouldn't be right to marry an unbeliever since the Bible says that a person should no be unequally yoked. However, it also says that if you are married to an unbeliever, you should not leave that person. So, I am confused on what I should do. I know I should have never gotten myself into this situation in the first place, but there is noting I can do about that now. I don't want to set a worse example for my daughters by living with someone I am not married to, but I also don't want to leave him because I think it is important to have a father around. He has no problem with me taking them to church and sending them to a Christian school. Please let me know your opinion on this situation. Thank you!

Answer
Hi Sarah,

Thank you for this question.  You are in a difficult situation because you broke God's rules by acting like you are married when you are not.  You have been shacking up for six years, and now resist marrying someone who is an unbeliever, even though you have been acting like you were married.  This does present a difficult situation.  I see you have two choices.

1.  You could leave him because you are involved in a sinful relationship having sex without marriage.

Hebrews 13:4
4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge# 1769.

2.  You could get married because you have been acting like you were married for the last 6 years.  It is possible that if you go ahead and get biblical in your relationship, and get married, that you could dedicate your life into being a Godly wife, perhaps you will win him to Jesus.

1 Peter 3:1-2


Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
The King James Version, #Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

I hope that this helps you.

In Christ
Pastor Don