Expert: Dr. Tim Gladu - 1/19/2010

Question
QUESTION: A local man confessed that I did a sexual act to him for which I have not even shook his hand. So I definately couldn't have gotten close enough to do the act. With this "confession" the whole neighborhood knows about it and "someone" from the church told my husband of whom I've been with for 30 yrs.  This lie is taking a toll on my marriage as this man has been unfaithful before which is why everyone believes him and not me. I spoke with him by cell so of course if I'm talking to him then the act must have happened as we live in a small town where the locals stick together.  My question is a "confession" is private between the preacher and sinner....unless it's a murder or other "bad" act...how is it that the neighbors knew all this before I did? Why is anyone saying this in the first place?  Is the church equally reliable for the "slander" that is being done as it has effected my entire family which I still may loose.

ANSWER: Cindy,

This sounds like you are really asking about a legal question here. If your are speaking about character and your reputation then that would be something to ask a lawyer about. I can't really speak to how much liability someone has in this situation. I know that we are told not to gossip and this is what has happened. People have got into your business and blown something untrue up so much that is has hurt you and your family. When it comes to clergy having to tell of a crime then the law states if we become aware of a crime then we as pastors or clergy should encourage the person to confess. We are not legally bound to reveal that someone has committed a crime. I know that if someone is going to commit a crime then we are supposed to reveal this. This sounds like someone else learned about the confession of this man and then began to gossip.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: You did help me a little; however, I'm curious to know- a "confession" as I've always known it to be is between the Preacher and sinner so basically you beleive that the sinner spoke to others not the Preacher.  In the Baptist Church, is there a group "confession" that is done? I guess I'm just so shocked of the result of the "rumor".  I was the last to know and no one has even asked me about it.  I guess that is the true meaning of "rumor" though...  Thanks for your time.  Just not sure how to fix what has been done.  My family is suffering and I'm angry about it.  I wish you well in your future and thank you for your time in hearing me.  Cindy

Answer
Let me give you some scripture that may help you in the future even if it may not make a lot of sense now.

The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts. (Proverbs 18:8)
The mouth of the wicked gulps down evil. (Proverbs 19:28)

A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret. (Proverbs 11:13)

Do not spread false reports. Do not help a wicked man by being a malicious witness. (Exodus 23:1)

A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends. (Proverbs 16:28)

And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to. (1 Timothy 5:13)

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. (Proverbs 17:9)

A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much. (Proverbs 20:19)

A wicked man listens to evil lips; a liar pays attention to malicious tongue. (Proverbs 17:4)

Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down. (Proverbs 26:20)

For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned. (Matthew 12:37)

Men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. (Matthew 12:36)