Expert: Pastor Don Carpenter - 1/24/2010

Question
Hello. One of my co workers was involved in a relationship with a violent  boyfriend. Eventually the situation was too much to handle and she left. She did forgive her boyfriend but for her safety she has decided to stop all communication. How can she forgive him if she cannot see him?

Answer
Hi Rose,

Thank you for this great question.  It is important to understand that forgiveness primarily happens in one's own heart.  Forgiveness is the absolute surrender of feelings of revenge and payback, and trusting God to handle the situation as he sees fit.  It is the absence of a grudge.  Forgiveness is not the same as trust!  Forgiveness is commanded, but trust is earned.  It is absolutely appropriate for your friend to forgive, avoiding bitterness in her heart while at the same time cutting off contact in order to protect herself and her family.  Bitterness is a spiritual cancer that grows as a root under the surface as a result of not forgiving someone.  Your friend has wisely chosen not to allow that root to grow.

Hebrews 12:15
15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;  
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

I hope that this helps you.

In Christ
Pastor Don