Expert: Dr Don Howe - 10/12/2010

Question
QUESTION: Dear Dr. Hopwe:

I lived in the Philippines and I'm a 21 yr. old,
microbiology graduate guy and  a Baptist Christian. I would
like to ask about spiritual/religious abuse. My former high
school teacher who belong to a very fundamental and
independent, kjv only church led me to to Christ 6 yrs. ago
and we became very close friends and she became some sort of
an adviser and confidante although I attended a mainstream
baptist churches (moderate, and sound and not fundamental) I
often visited her and talk to her. As time goes by, she
wasn't very affirmative about me, she neither encourages me
in my life and she acts as a superior authority over me...
dictating what is right and saying everything as if she
knows what God's will is for me... Moreover, she treated me
like a seven yr. old child... Every concern I share to her,
she always spritualized it explaining everything in Bible
etc... When I about to graduate in college, I intended to
enter medical school, and she wasn't very affirmative unlike
my other Christian friends, when I was still in medical
school, I visited her and she doesn't sound warm to me not
encouraging, she even say things that are discouraging me...
Then finally came the time that I quit medical school for
the reason that I always got sick because of extreme stress
plus my house is too far from the medical school... My other
Christian friends were saddened of what happened and
encourages me to attend church again (because when I'm still
in medical school certain sundays I skipped because of too
much load of studies plus my house is very far from the
church), also my other Christian friends agreed to pray for
me and gave kind words as well as comforting words... But
what my former high teacher who is a fundamentalist blamed
me, as if she was God and said, "that's why you didn't make
it in medical school because you don't attend church and you
put God aside' which of course is not true plus I sense she
was happy of what happened to me, unlike my other Christian
friends... I was hurt and disappointed of what she said...
and after a month I texted her that I was hurt of what she
says because what she said to me was different from my other
Christian friends... what she replied was justifying her
acts with biblical passages... lately I leaned that these
people are kind of spiritual abusers... what can you say?
thank you


ANSWER:    Hugh, thank you for your question. This could be spiritual abuse. But this lady may have been abusive to you, but you let do it to you. My question is why did you keep going back to same harsh, legalistic, fundamentalistic, apostate Christian woman, when you knew she was not right biblically. Why did you go to her for answers to biblical answers when you should have been going to your own Pastor or Sunday school teacher for answers. Why were you looking for affirmation from this apostate Christian when you should be seeking it from God Himself and the people in your own church.

  She was spiritual abusive to you, but you kept going back so she could hit you again and again. These questions you need to be asking yourself, and seek God's face for answers. If it is really a concern for you, you need to get some counseling from a Christian Counselor who is grounded in the Word of God.

  People who are spiritual abusive are very legalistic, inflexible, and like to control people. Spiritual abusive leaders are present in all churches sometime or other. That is why you study the Scriptures yourself and never take face value what other people say when they may interpret a Scriptures. This is what "rightly dividing the Word of Truth" is about.

  Stop having anything to do with this woman. Stop texting her, talking to her, and stop visiting her. You do not need her as she will only mess with your head. Seek answers from your own Pastor if you have questions.

Blessings,

Dr Don Howe, RN, PhD, ThD


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you very much Dr Howe for the response... I've now
decided to end up anything that I have to do with this
former teacher.... As an act of doing away things that
pertains to her, I disposed and burn the pamphlets that came
from her Church....
Thank you very much once again for the response, I've
decided to move on and live again... I would like to ask any
advice that you can give in order for me to continue to move
on and do away with those bad experiences? Thank you so
much. God bless

Answer
Hugh, Praise the Lord,  you are not having anything to do with this spiritual abusive apostate. I only suggest that if you have any real issues that are unresolved and that cause you problems. You need to get some counseling from a Christian Counselor. Spiritual abuse is no different than anyother abuse, it can have lasting scars that need to be addressed.

You can start confiding in your Pastor and other Christians who you trust in your church and let them know what you have been going through. That way you can have fellow believers love on you and pray over you.

I would suggest that if you do not have a Celebration Recovery support group in your church, maybe you could facilitate getting one started. Celebration Recovery was started by Rick Warren (author of Purpose Driven church) and it is based on the Beatitudes of the Bible. Look online for information about it. I help facilitate CR in my church and it helps people who are broken no matter what the reason is. You may have a church in your area that has a CR group, and if so. Start going.

I will be praying for you in your recovery.

Dr Don Howe, RN, PhD, ThD