Expert: Rev. Stuart Woodward - 11/1/2010

Question
I am in a very difficult situation right now. I live with my boyfriend of 7 years and our 2 children (the oldest isn’t his biologically, but he has raised her since birth). Unfortunately, he doesn’t believe in God. He says he isn’t sure if there is a God or not. He has told me that he has prayed occasionally, but he doesn’t know who he is praying to. He does support the children and I in our faith. He has come to church with us a few times, likes the Christian school our oldest attends (the youngest isn’t in school yet), and even comes into my daughter’s bedroom at night sometimes when we pray.  I am seeing now more than ever that it is a sin for me to continue living with a man to whom I am not married; however, I am not sure I should marry him, as the Bible says one should not be unequally yoked. However, becuase of the children, I feel that we will be "yoked" whether we are together or not. I do love him very much and don’t want to break up my family by leaving him. I feel that it is important for children to have both parents in the home. I am really confused over this and am not sure what God would want me  to do. At this point I feel like it would be best for us to be married. I can hten do my best to set a good Christian example for him, and hopefully he will be moved by this and come to know Jesus as well. Please let me know if my reasoning is correct. Thank you!

Answer
Hello Sarah,
Thank you for your question. The situation you face is difficult but not unusual in today's world. The church needs to consider its application of biblical principles very carefully so as not to lower its standards but also not to get trapped in legalism. At the heart of the Christian Gospel is grace (the free and undeserved favour of God) and it is important that we apply the grace of God to your situation.
Christian marriage is the lifelong commitment of a man and a woman to one another. There is no doubt that God's ideal is that a Christian should not marry a non Christian as it leads to many problems in terms of following the ways of God. However, God fully recognises a marriage between a Christian and non Christian, as marriage is a creation provision by God for all peoples of all time.
The fact that you have children means that in God's eyes  you are a family. God's heart is for children and He wants them to be brought up in a stable family atmosphere with good role models in mother and father.
From my perspective the greater application of grace in your situation is that you should marry, assuming you partner is willing to do so.
Let me illustrate this another way. Having sexual intercourse when not married is sinful and if a pregnancy follows then there is long term reminder of that sinful act. However, no church would ever teach that the child should be disposed of because it reminds of the sin, but rather we believe that the grace of God through Jesus redeems the situation so that the sinner is forgiven and the child becomes a reminder of grace not sin.
That you have made wrong choices in the past does not put your relationship outside of the redeeming power of God's grace. By taking the right step of marriage the process of the working out of redemption takes a significant step forward. I also have faith to believe that by taking such a step, for the God honouring reason of the care for your family, God will honour you in such a way that your partner will one day come to personal faith in Jesus Christ.
I minister in England where the way forward I have described would be broadly agreed with by most churches. If you are from the USA you may find that some churches would not allow the wedding to go ahead on their premises. However, God recognises all legally conducted marriages wherever they take place.
All this a long way of explaining why I believe your reasoning is indeed correct.
I hope my comments have been of some help.
May God bless you and lead forward in wisdom.
Stuart Woodward