Expert: Pastor Don Carpenter - 2/26/2010

Question
Hi. I am a member of Independent Baptist church and have been for 12 years. I am married and blessed with 4 wonderful, healthy children and a loving husband. However, not everything was perfect. Nine years ago, me and my husband commited a sin (fornication) right before our wedding. We have so much regretted it right away and ask God for forgiveness outside of Church. our church is very strict to these sins, and if we were to tell our pastor, he would have to make a member only meeting and tell all members of church of our sin. We were ashamed for all our friends and family to know it on the public level, since all the invitations went out when it happened just before the wedding. In no way, we excuse what we did. It is a Sin before God! But we have lied to our Pastor, saying that we have not sinned. (pastor has to ask that before wedding day, because he says that God may punish you with handicapped children, etc) I know God forgave us and we are truly sorry, but we did not want 1000 or more people knowing our sin. By the way, we are Russian Independent Baptists. What do you think- should we go after 9 years to our pastor and have them put us in the front of members and dismember us for some time. I have a hard time with people knowing our sin. We have since tried to live according to God and truly repented before Him. thank you for your future answer.

Answer
Hi Nad,

Thank you so much for this question.  I am very sorry for my late response.  There are a few things to consider in this matter:

1.  What does your husband think?  Is he feeling the weight of guilt like you are?  Does he believe before God that itis over and none of the pastor's business?  Does he feel that this is a wedge between your family and spiritual leadership?  What he says as leader of your home has a great deal to do with what you should do.  In some ways, this takes the burden of making a decision out of your hands... it is his discision as family leader to make.

Ephesians 5:22
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

2.  Perhaps God is bringing this up now in order to clear the path of unconfessed sins.  Often when God works this spirit of repentance in the hearts of His people, He is getting ready to do something great.  They first must clean house so that He can use them.  

3.  Church discipline is for members who do not repent, clearly you have repented.  I do not believe that you would be put on discipline, but perhaps even if it became known, many others would be warned not to stumble like you did.

4.  You are forgiven!  It is under the Blood and even if the whole world knows what you have been forgiven from, you are forgiven and no one can take that away!

Romans 8:31-33
31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? 32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? 33 Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God’s elect? It is God that justifieth.
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

I hope that this helps you as you consider what to do.  May God give you wisdom.

In Christ
Pastor Don