Expert: Cooper P. Abrams III - 2/17/2010

Question
I am finding myself drawn to be a leader or a teacher of some sort in the church. However I am concerned about what capacity I can serve. I myself have never been married before yet my wife was married many years ago before she came to the saving knowledge of Christ. She also was married by a justice of the peace and not in a church setting. I am curious to know does this necessarily disqualify me to be a deacon or a pastor. I ask because I have not seen a scripture that dictates that a pastors wife must be the wife of one man and in 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. It seems to me that to look back and hold to my wife's previous sin in divorce of an ungodly marriage is to say that sin is forgiven and yet not forgotten. Especially since she was not yet a Christian. It seems to contradict the very essence of Biblical forgiveness. And yet if the Bible is to be believed(and i do believe it) scripture as I understand it says that since this sin was before her saving knowledge of Christ it is washed under the blood and is no longer to be remembered. I truly want to serve and my heart draws me toward a preaching format. I just do not wish to serve and be wrong.

Sincerely
Robert

Answer
Hi Robert,
  Probably your's is one of the hardest questions I am regularly asked.  It is a serious question and needs a biblical answer, but also understanding and respect.  I will try to be strait forward, kind and tactful.   Men who have married divorced women are not qualified to be pastors or "deacons", who are appointed servants in a local church.  Before we go on it does not mean they cannot serve the Lord in their church and have an effective and fruitful ministry to others.  The fact is no one can serve the Lord and not serve others.  I will try to present the  biblical reasons and principles that apply.
    A woman or man who has been previously married and who divorces and remarries commits adultery. (Mark 10:11) Matthew 5:32 states that a man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.   The Lord allowed Moses to issue bills of civil divorce because the Jews were divorcing anyway and this allowed some order in their society and culture.  It was only then granted for reasons of fornication and adultery.  
    After a divorce the woman now has two families and/or two husbands and she broke her marriage vows, which state one marries for better or worse, till death do us part.   I cannot find anywhere in the Bible that God was pleased remarriage.  Yes, when  bill of divorcement in the Old Testament was given most times there was remarriage, but that was not pleasing to God.

    The biblical example of an unbroken marriage, of a man and woman joined together until "death do us part" is lost in divorce. The couple are not an example of a biblical home.  

          1 Timothy 3:11 says "Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things." This would indicate the wife of a pastor or deacon must be a spiritual woman who would be above reproach.  The New Testament does not specifically mention the situation of a man marrying a divorced woman except at stated above, but the Bible does give God's people instruction on the matter.

         Is God not telling us that he wants pastors and deacons to be above reproach as examples in their church?  As a pastor I would not consider using a man as a pastor or deacon who is married to a divorce woman.  It may indicate a lack of commitment to the Lord on his part. It does not mean the man cannot be used in other tasks in a church, but the position of his being an appointed public servant is compromised.  His wife's testimony is in question and that casts a shadow over him. This does not mean the woman was necessarily at fault, but whether she was or not, the suspicion and cloud is there.

         The matter biblically is a three fold matter. One, the wife fails the principles of 1 Timothy 3:11. Secondly, because she is remarried to another man she has committed adultery and the man who marries her commits adultery. Third, why did God choose to give instruction about a deacon's wife and not a pastor's? That strongly indicates the character and testimony of a servant of the local church is vital to the ministry of the deacon. Clearly, we as God's children, and as a biblical church should uphold the word of God let it guide us as we hold the highest standards of spiritual living as a testimony to others.

         Clearly, it is not popular to take this position and many people will not understand and those that take this stand will be criticized.  Some mistakenly conclude that the matter is not addressed in the New Testament and therefore is acceptable.  In our current world culture is reflected in our churches.   Although God gives clear instructions, undiscerning men and woman take a superficial look at the matter and concluded is okay because God does not specifically state a man marrying a divorced woman is not qualified. It would be the same thing if a man concludes that using drugs is okay because God does not specifically prohibit their use.

      It is also not a matter of being forgiven.  Yes, God absolutely forgives all a person's past, present and future sins when they trust Christ and are born again.  A person who was a criminal in their past is forgiven if they believe, but the results of the sin remains.  The stigma although not very strong in our current culture does remain.   I have had dozens write asking the same question about the service of a man with a divorced wife.  That shows their is concern about the public perception of this.

         God plainly condemns divorce, but many of our church members, hold the same views as our sinful society. That is why divorce among many professing Christians is looked upon as normal and it is ignored for the sake of peace. Today you rarely hear a pastor addressing the matter and the issues involved in the pulpit. The result is that the divorce rate among most church members is the same as in the secular society.

          When God's people say that divorce and remarriage are wrong, as God does, and they let God's word govern their actions . . . the Lord is glorified and our families, churches and society are better for it. God blesses the individual and the congregation. God can and does bless a church and believers who stand for the truth and refuse to compromise God's principles.  Sadly, few pastors/churches/church members have the stomach, discernment or commitment to do this and we are the worse for it.

         One word of advice. We should stand solid on God's word and His principles, but we should do so in a way that makes accepting the Bible's teaching the issue and not differences in personalities. When differences such as this come up in a church the matter can resort to judging personalities or different situations, which clouds the real issue. We are to be kind, loving and respectful towards others, even those who are wrong. It would be a serious mistake to slander a man and his wife or make them second class Christians and church members. Some of the most godly couples I have known over the years in the churches I pastored one or the other had been divorced.  Many has served the Lord, been soul winners and were a great asset to our church.  One man particular comes to mind.  When others in the church did not understand the matter and criticized me for presenting what the Bible says, he defended me and God's word.  He has the respect of everyone in then church and was seen as a leader.   People went to him for advice he was everyone's friend.  He was a real genuine Christian and his life glorified Christ.   
     When I start a new church I deal with the matter before it comes up. Therefore, a couple is not subjected to scrutiny and possible embarrassment.  Looking for loop holes in order to get around obeying biblical principles causes confusion and hurt.  A church and pastor must be very careful not to hurt one of God's children, nor not recognize true spiritual and godly living. We must respectfully seek to guide a congregation to take a proper biblical stand on doctrinal issues, which this clearly is, but we must also with a Christ like spirit "contend for the faith."  
     I hope this helps you understand this important subject.  Ultimately, it is your decision.  Study God's word, honestly and prayerfully seek His council and seek a place of service that would be God's will for you ....and your wife too.  God gives every one of His children talents and abilities to serve Him and accomplish His will.   It is a wonderful and satisfying thing to serve the Lord and be in His will.

    If you have further questions or comments please write.

Cooper P Abrams III
Romans 12:1-2
http://bible-truth.org
     "Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong. Let all your things be done with charity"  (1 Corinthians 16:13-14 )