Expert: Dr. Billy Kryger - 4/8/2010

Question
"Sir, I am 22 years old from India.I have grown up in a so-called christian family with my mom since my parents got separated when I was 11 years old.I did not get the sort of spiritual food which could make me grow as disciple of Jesus.I have always got a passion to serve Him right from my childhood and I have always prayed that I get married to God's servant.I have suffered a long period of spiritual loneliness while I went to hostle for further studies.That was the time I earnestly prayed for a spiritual companion.God blessed me and answered my prayers by sending me a friend who shared the same kind of faith I had also with the same goal. Together we witnessed for Christ and turned few collegues into believing Jesus.After 3 years when studies got over, we began seeing our future life-partners in each other. My mother doesn't want me to marry him because he is a believer and because of family status, according to her, we are higher than him.She want me to get married to NRI person who is wealthy enough to give me a luxurious life.All she thinks of is material benefits. Whenever any proposal comes, she doesn't see if he is a believer or not.I can not spoil my life like this.In no circumstances am I ready to agree with my mom and family. The person whom I love is humble by heart and says prayer will work everything out for us. At the same time I wonder, is it appropriate for me to go against my mother's will in future if at all she doesn't understand me?"
  Another question is at most of the points I disobey her because it's not what I think gets in alignment with God's word.For example, forcing me to mingle with godless people.I used to roam about with non-christian friends, but ever since I invited Holy Spirit to dwell in me, I don't see it right(I do have non-christian friends, but I refuse to mingle with boys). I do not have longing for watching movies in theater(am not against watching movies).Ever since she came to know about the changes occuring in me she is angry on me and insists me to follow the old lifestyle again. If I study overnight she doesn't have any problem but studying Bible does.When I do not allow any boy send dirty texts on my cell, she has a problem and says I must not spoil relations like that and I should be polite and not discontinue friendship. She forces me to date my friends whom I have left and doesn't like my friendship with believers of my church. In my opinion, she should be very happy to know that I have chosen a God fearing person to be my husband who loves and cares for my spirit.But she is not.My brother threatens me to have him beaten up by his friends.She disgraced me publicly by driving me out of the house just for choosing a believer to be my husband.I dare not to judge her,but her life-style doesn't match with God's word.I am being blamed as a dis-obedient daughter.I am in a dillemma. My boyfriend says it wouldn't be right if we run away and get married in court, as it would be a disgrace for God's servants. And that prayer is the only solution and he has faith that God will change her heart.
   Shall I be biblically right by marrying him in face of such opposition from my family?

Answer
Jennifer:
    Thank you for your question.
    You are correct in the fact that as believers we are to develop friendships with other faithful believers.  That is certainly true of the one we marry.  However, the Bible commands us to honor our parents.  There is no age limit set on this command.  As you have discovered, that is not always an easy command to follow.  Jennifer, I know it will be difficult but your boyfriend is correct that you must be patient and honor your mother.  In time she will see that honor and patience and may come come to see your point of view because of the respect that you show to her.  In the meantime you do need to be praying that God will soften her heart and the hearts of your other family and friends.
    If God means for you to be with the young man you have grown to love then it will still be right when you allow time and the Holy Spirit to work on your family.  If you marry without the blessing of your family then you may spend the rest of your life being alienated from them.
    Although this may not have been what you wanted to hear I hope it helps.