Expert: Clive Heath - 7/8/2010

Question
QUESTION: This is a very strange situation. I have been talking to this guy that I meet online for 7 months now. We talk daily on the phone for hours upon hours. It started off as friendship but it has grown into a love that I have never had before and he says that he feels the same way but the problem is that he just told me that he is married. What I am about to telling you is what he has told me about the marriage. They were married almost 4 yrs ago for the wrong reasons. He was over 50 and had never married and everyone was telling him that he should marry. Well, this lady and him had been friends for years and she helped him through some hard times. Her family doesn't like him and thinks that is is no good at all because he has health problems due to a car accident 26 yrs ago which was getting worst at the time. So they decided one day to up and get married. After they were married each went back to their house and have never lived under the same roof at all. However, they have had relations but not that often. Since they have married he has gotten sick and has been unable to work and receives diability. She doesn't support him in any way money or emotionally. In the time that I have known him, his water, lights, phone have been turned off for a short period of time. Some months he doesn't even have enough food in the house to last to the end of the month. She does come by when she needs something and does call but never stays the night or help him. Also, when they got married they both agreed to sell the house that each had and to buy one together. Well, she now doesn't want to sell her house and buy another because she likes it and he can't move into her house because her family will believe that he is just living off of her. From the way that I see things, this is was never a true marriage in God eyes. He doesn't believe in divorce unless is it is Biblical correct. He knew that when he married her it was the wrong thing to do but because of things he saw no other way and did it anyway. He is depressed. Her family has him followed and reports everything back to her. He needs help and advice what to do. I love him dearly and only want the best for him. Does he have Biblical grounds for divorce? Also does God bring together everyone that is married? The Bible says that what God has joined together let no man come between. Also if he does divorce for non-Biblical reasons and marries again, would he have an adulterous Marriage as long as they were married or is a one time act. Thanks you.

ANSWER: Hi Charlotte,

Thank you for this question, it is a complicated one, but as usual I will do my best for you.

Marriage was the first institution established by God as in Gen.2. It is a Holy covenant.

But most Christians are taught that divorce must be seen as a last resort, the Bible also says to enter into a marriage carefully, I have no doubt that your friend thought he had done so. But as I see it it has not worked for him, as he is really suffering and the covenant is "for better and for worse", so his wife is not fulfilling her part of the promise, it is not his fault that his health is getting worse, she has give up nothing for him.
God recognises that divorce will occur, so it does not mean that God will love him any the less, God has provided us with a right to an expectation of personal peace in marriage, he clearly is not getting that peace, infact all it is giving him is depression.

It also appears to me that her family are of evil nature.

God will see what is happening and He is a loving and caring God, my view is that he has Biblical grounds for divorce, and a right to seek happiness.

I hope this helps

Regards and God Bless

Clive Heath

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks for you answer. I believe in my heart that he does have Biblical reasons to get a divorce but where in the Bible does it say that he can? The only reason that I can find in the Bible is for fornication. He believes that is the fornication is the only reason to get a divorce. He believes that if he divorces her for any reason other than fornication then he can never remarry because it will be an adulterous marriage and he will go to Hell. Right now I am just so confused. I have been researching the meaning on put away and I am getting different answers. Some say it means to separate with a bill of divorcement. Others say it means to divorce. What is you view about that? I have told him that if he stays married then I can no longer talk to him because we both want more than just friendship because it is more than friendship right now. I also believe that God doesn't always join two people who get married for the wrong reasons because he God does join two people in marriage then divorce would never enter the mind of either one of the spouses. Would God allow two people to find each other, click on every emotional level possible, feel comfortable with each other from the start and fall in love if it wasn't his will for the two to be together.

Answer
Hi Charlotte,
In Maththew 5:32 it ays not for marital unfaithfulness, this does not just mean fornication, it applies to other ways that one is not supporting the other. Divorce is not an unforgivable sin, it happens and regardless of circumstances God will want happiness for you both, as I sad God wants us to be happy and at peace.

As long as he is divorced before you embark on your relationship it will be fine and I admire your morals.

People have the free will that the Lord gave them, so mistakes will be made, we were not created as robots.
Things are obviously moving along for you and my advice to you is that as long as he seperates himself from his wife and gets a divorce then you can be together with the blessing of the Lord.

Regards and God Bless

Clive