Expert: Dr. Ronald E. Shultz - 8/25/2010

Question
My son is dating and wants to marry a very nice Jewish girl.
We are Baptist. I advised him against dating her from the
beginning, but he didn't listen. Now they are seeking
counseling and advice from our Pastor and her Rabbi, and so
far don't like what they have heard. The only feedback,
other than tears, that I have gotten from either of them is
that one was must turn their back on their faith to enter
into a marriage with the other.
Bottom line-my heart is breaking for them as a mother. I
don't know what to say or do, so I'm trying to stay quiet,
they see the Rabbi on Friday. I don't want to loose my son
to Judaism any more than her parents want to loose their
daughter to Christianity. Yet I also don't want any
grandchildren going to hell, or having their parents divorce because they couldn't or wouldn't deal with this now.
These kids are only 25 and 23. I'm proud of them seeking
counsel, and have told them so, and we will love them
whatever they decide. But that God gave them free will for a
reason.
What if anything should we as parents do to assist them?
What exactly does the Bible say about this?

Answer
I encounter this question all the time and I just answered it to a Catholic who was dating a Baptist.  I mean I sent the answer and here is your question.  Here is what I told the Catholic fellow.

2. Did I break her heart and mine because of fundamental theology differences?

The Bible tells us to not be unequally yoked and marriage is a yoke.  Amos asks how can two walk together except they be agreed?  There are major differences between Catholic and Baptist theology.  While we do concur on some basic issues.  There are many that create an unequal yoke.  Even between the various non-Catholic sects there are massive issues and for want of a better expression one should not marry outside of their tribe unless they have studied both sets of doctrine and are convinced that the new tribe is correct and their old one is wrong.  

Sadly, most people in any tribe know very little about their doctrine.  They are what they are because of birth, ethnicity, culture, marriage or they like the preacher, the people or the music in their group. They are in a comfort zone. Very few who name the name of Christ are true Christians no matter what tribe they are in and that number is decreasing daily. Jesus even questioned if there would be faith on the earth when He returned and the Bible speaks of remnants and remnants are small pieces not large ones.  

You spared yourself much more heartbreak by leaving.  It was a wise move.  
----------

A Christian is only to marry a Christian.

1 Cor 7:39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.  KJV

This is an injunction to a widow to marry only in the Lord/Christian but it applies to everyone.

The Jewish lads parents are not going to be happy either.  I do not know what branch of Judaism her beau adheres to but some would have a funeral for him if he marries outside of the faith.  Some, if not all, teach that you are only Jewish if your mother was Jewish so if your daughter marries him none of their children will be considered Jewish and that will also be a major concern to his parents unless they are very liberal or secularists.

It hardly ever works out between various Christian sects or groups. It is even rarer when you go outside Chrisianity completely.  If they can live outside of the blessings of the families, the blessings of G-D and endure the social stigma that may come to them and their children then they are either extremely in love, blind to the problems or too selfish.  I say that from the perspective that there will be family strife.  Christians will see her out of the will of G-D.  Jews will see him out of the will of G-D.  Their children will be considered Samaritans on the Jewish side and possibly not accepted on the Christian side either since some who call themselves Christian, but are not, are anti-Semitic.  Society still has its insanities.  

My feelings are that if they really love each other than they would not want all that for the one they love and any children that may come of it and would end it.  Conversion for the sake of marriage only solves a few problems because the losing family will only suffer more hurt.

It is good that they both sought counseling from the Pastor and the Rabbi.  Be aware though that they might say forget it and become agnostics and elope to Vegas.   Hormones and emotions often sever all other ties including ties to the brain.   All you can do is pray and calmly answer any questions that they may have.

May God grant you great wisdom and discernment and peace no matter what the outcome.