Expert: Cooper P. Abrams III - 1/11/2011

Question
Should my in laws express their objection  to their son's adulterous affair with a married woman and subsequent divorcing me?
My in laws are retired American Baptist Missionaries, he was a theological professor, an ordained minister, a biblical scholar, an author. She was a musician, librarian, and retired missionary. they both have been life long Christian, as have I. My husband was a Christian and has this year told me he no longer believes. I have tried to save the marriage. I am so hurt my in laws have turned their backs on me and not objected to the affair and pending divorce. Is their scripture saying they should object? I am in Christ but in pain. Thanks

Answer
Hi Wendy,
   A true Christian will stand on God's word, rebuke and reprove sin no matter who is sinning.  The problem is lots of people claim to be Christians, but have no problem with sinning and thus do not live what they profess to believe.    The late Paul Harvey said, "If you don't believe it, you will not live it."    From their actions it does not appear that the sin that God says He hates, are hated by these "professing" Christians.   Jesus said "He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me." (Matthew 10:37)  
   We can understand in human terms why parents stand by their children, but Christian parents should first stand by God's truth.   It is not loving to ignore sin and by one's silence condone it.   That is one of the problems in churches today is that adultery, living together out of wedlock, fornication are not condemned.  Many churches and those who say they are Christians accept these sins and thus in truth support them.  If your husband once professed to be a Christian and now does not believe....he appears to be an apostate and never a true Christian.   If God does not chasten him that would show he never knew the Lord.(See Hebrews 12:6-11) God only chastens His children who fall into sin, but not those who are not His.
    From your statements I do not think even if his parents objected to his adultery it would have any effect on him, but if they don't certainly they will never know.   
    As a believer, you must trust the Lord and not let this come between you and the Lord.  Certainly the Lord promised to never leave us and to give us the strength to endure great pain. It is not easy and the sins of others does hurt us.  You have what many do not have and that is the Lord's presence in your life.  Your trial can bring you closer to the Lord.  
    James addresses the trials that can come in our lives saying "My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations(various trials); Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him."   (James 1:2-5)
     When we think of eternity, your relationship with your Savior is immensely more important that even your marriage. I would carefully read Romans 8 and see what the Lord says to us about the difficulties that come our way.  Especially verse 28 that says "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)
    It would be wonderful if your husband responded and repented of his infidelity and your marriage would be restored.  I know that is what you want and pray for, but whether that happens or not what I am trying to impress upon you is how you respond in faith is the most important thing in this.   Your relationship with the Lord, as you believe Him and live by faith, can see you through this whatever the outcome.
     I always feel so inadequate to help in situations like this, but what I can do is point you to the Lord and encourage you to seek and accept His loving help.   Also, as hard as it is to even think about, be forgiving and do not let bitterness take hold which will hurt you even more deeply.  Bitterness can ruin one's life.   I prayed for you today.  "And the LORD shall help them, and deliver them: he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in him."   (Psalms 37:40)
   "The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower." (Psalms 18:2)
    I pray the Lord will direct your path through this difficult time.
Cooper Abrams

Romans 12:1-2