Expert: Rev. Stuart Woodward - 11/2/2011

Question
My husband and I lived together before we were married, as such my uncle (a baptist minister) refused to perform our wedding ceremony. Now, my cousin (who has a child out of wedlock) is getting married (not to the child's mother) and my uncle (his father) is gladly performing the union.

That said, do you think that it was really a case of doctrine being in the way of marrying my now husband and I? I guess my feelings are just hurt and I want to understand where he was coming from. Thank you!

Answer
Hello Nikki,
Thank you for your question. I understand your hurt and it is probably even more keenly felt because it involves family. I am English and minister in England, so I can only answer from my own perspective. If a couple who are living together ask me to conduct their wedding I ask them to respect the Christian view of marriage by living apart for a time before the wedding, unless they have children. A sexual relationship outside marriage is always wrong from a biblical perspective but repentance and right actions can bring both forgiveness and the chance to move forward properly. I do not know of your uncle's reasons for refusing to conduct your wedding but they may be to do with the issues I have raised.
That your cousin had a child out of wedlock is sad and regrettable. However, the grace of God can bring forgiveness and a chance to start again. If your cousin was living with his partner before marriage it would be hypocritical of your uncle to marry them. I presume this is not the case.
Having said all this I fully understand that you would be confused and hurt. My advice would be that you ensure that you have repented of anything that falls short of God's standards so that you and your husband can move forwards in freedom. It is best to leave to God the judgement on the behaviour and choices of others.
I do pray that God will bless you and help you not to harbour resentment in your heart.
I hope my comments are of some help to you.
Stuart Woodward