Expert: Dr. Ronald E. Shultz - 4/24/2011

Question
Hi Dr.Shultz,
My question is about forgiveness.Lately my wife and I have had some hurtfull unwarrented comments directed toward us from some other Christians and to make things worse,our minister was present at the time these comments were made and she stayed silent. We thought she could have at least Interveined and asked for a display of mercy and forgivenes.My problem is that I want to forgive those who I felt sinned against us,but I feel I would be sinning,because my heart is not into it and I would be lying.I have taken these things to the Lord in prayer,but must admit I'm being tossed between the spiritual and worldly ways of handling these things.Can you shed some light on this subject?
Thank you,and may God Bless you. John.

Answer
John, I am very sorry that you and your wife had to experience such things but as long as we are human and deal with humans we will experience such things until we get our perfect bodies.  I will not condone nor condemn your minister as it may have been a lack of experience issue or not knowing all the facts she may have felt that she should remain neutral or it could be a fear of man situation.  Frankly, since I believe the Word clearly states that a woman should not be a pastor she was in a position she should not have been in from the start.  A man may also have not done very well, but he would have least been in alignment with the Word concerning the office, but that is another issue.

You are the main issue.  Does God require obedience only when we feel like it?  If you have children do you expect obedience when they feel like it or even if they fuss and whine?  You are commanded to forgive in many passages.  

You have a right to be angry at the injustice, but you do not have a right to be unforgiving.  You have to dismiss the case against them or you open yourself up for attack from the enemy.  Technically, no one can sin against you.  Only God can be sinned against so they are guilty before God for what they have done.  You were just involved with or hurt by their sin against God.   They need your forgiveness for since the sin is unconfessed they are not in fellowship with God and open to horrendous attacks from the enemy.  You need to dismiss your case against them and ask God to bring them to repentance and restoration of fellowship with Him or else He may well turn you over to the tormentors because you have forgotten all that He has forgiven you.  

Have you ever sinned against God and it involved other people either directly or indirectly? I am sure you have as our sin seldom has ramifications for us alone.  When we are walking in open sin or in guilt from a past sin we cannot be the spiritual leader our family or church needs and we open a door for attacks on them.  

You need to practice Matthew 18 and go to the minister and the other people and give them a chance to explain or repent.  You may find you misunderstood or they thought they were just exhorting you and had no desire to hurt you.  If you get no satisfaction then take two other spiritual people with you to act as spiritual guides for you and the others involved.  If it does not work out and the situation is serious enough then find the proper procedure to bring your case to the Church.  If the issue is still not resolved you have two options; stay or leave, but you do not have the option to be unforgiving.  

Below is some information that I have found very helpful indealing with spiritual warfare and the need for forgiveness.

http://www.impactcounseling.bigcartel.com/

You do not have to feel it.  You just have to choose to obey God and ask Him to make it real in your heart.  You owe it to yourself and your family.  May God grant you wisdom!