Expert: Dr Don Howe - 6/8/2011

Question
Hello,

I am 19 years old. I started dating my boyfriend 10 months ago. At the time, I was not in church and I was not saved. Throughout high school, I looked for churches and never founded one until I met him. I loved the church and the pastor immediately. His parents were not too fond of me being a girl that was not saved or didn't grow up in church. They began to get over that as I continued to go to church, I got saved, and I have been baptized. They tell my boyfriend that they don't think our relationship is right. And he asks them why and they say you know...it's just a gut feeling. In the past year, I have learnt so much from my friends, pastor, church, youth leader, boyfriend, his parents...it has been a challenge and struggle for me. I go to church and get treated horribly by his parents. Things have been looking up, and they say they are going to get counsel from the Pastor at church. They tell me that they think i'm an amazing girl and that I deserve better than their son. I don't know what else to do, I wrote them a huge letter telling them ALL my feelings about my faith, and what i think about my relationship with them telling them that it is ungodly...cause it is. I don't know what else to do but pray. My boyfriend says that i should talk to them face to face. Do you think that will help?

Answer
Maria, thank you for your question. I would have to tell you to forget about this boyfriend and his parents. The parents are very two faced. You stated "They tell my boyfriend that they don't think our relationship is right. And he asks them why and they say you know...it's just a gut feeling." But then you say the opposite when you state "They tell me that they think i'm an amazing girl and that I deserve better than their son." So they think you are not good enough for their son and then turn around and say he is not good enough for you. There is something wrong with this picture. So I would advise you to forget about him and his parents. But I know you will not do this because you are only 19 yrs old and in love. Young love can be blind but you are going to get hurt in this situation.

You stated "I looked for churches and never founded one until I met him. I loved the church and the pastor immediately." If you were really seeking God, you should have found a church you liked. So did you really become saved for yourself or because you loved the church, loved the pastor,and because you boyfriend went there. Make sure that you were saved for your own salvation. It is just a concern I have for you.

You could go to your Pastor if you are comfortable with him and discuss this with him.

I hope this helps.

Dr Don Howe, RN, PhD, ThD