Expert: Rev. Stuart Woodward - 1/12/2012

Question
Dear Rev. Woodward

My mother and I both went to a church for many years where we were taught that it was wrong, weak-spirited, and even sinful for Christian to grieve over the many trials in their lives.

If a person mashed and totaled their car, they were supposed to keep a great big smile on their face and pretend that everything was okay. Tears, sadness, depression, and regret were a sign of weak faith and lack of trust in God. As a result, my mother and I never learned how to cry and grieve over things...we just numbed our feelings and kept on being soldiers of the cross.

My mother and I no longer attend the church that we used to go to; however their teaching still have a hold on my mother. Tomorrow my mother is going to get laid off from her job, yet she refuses to show any emotion or sadness over this event for for fear that tears are a sign of weak-faith...or worse...that she isn't really saved at all!!

I would like to show my mother some verses in the Bible that show her that it is perfectly okay and natural for Christians (and all human beings) to cry and grieve when unfortunate things happen in our lives. My mother thinks that she must "maintain" her salvation by constantly being strong like JOB.

While JOB is certainly a wonderful example of strength and determination; I recollect that even "Jesus Wept" over the loss of Lazarus. Do you know of anymore verse or examples?

Thank you for your time. And would you please keep me in your prayers because I am sad too...

Yours Respectfully,

Priscilla

Answer
Hello Priscilla,
Thank you for your question. The problem with wrong teaching is that there is often some truth in it. Certainly we are to trust the Lord and be thankful in all circumstances but this does not mean we should not acknowledge how we feel and be real with God as we bring things before Him, without descending into an unhelpful 'poor me' mentality. I hope the following scripture references will be helpful. In 1 Peter 1:6 Peter records that those he is writing to have known grief in all kinds of trials with no hint of condemnation. In 1 Peter 5:7 Peter recognises there will be anxieties. In Philippians 3:18 Paul talks of his tears at the prospect of people rejecting Christ and in 2 Cor 2:4 Paul shares his distress and tears over those he cares for.
Most of all I encourage you to turn to Luke 22:39-46. Here we have Jesus Himself in real anguish wrestling with what lies before Him. His sweat appearing as great drops of blood indicates natural extreme fear. The same phenomenon is recorded amongst soldiers in the First World War trenches about to charge.
God does not want us to become unfeeling and unreal in our attitudes but to learn to trust Him through our tears and know His joy even when our Hearts are breaking.
I hope these comments are of some help to you. may God bless you and your mother.
Stuart Woodward