Expert: Pastor Don Carpenter - 1/13/2012

Question
Dear Pastor Carpenter

My mother and I both went to a church for many years where we were taught that it was wrong, weak-spirited, and even sinful for Christian to grieve or be sad over the many trials in their lives.

If a person smashed and totaled their car, they were supposed to keep a great big smile on their face and pretend that everything was okay. Tears, sadness, and regret were a sign of weak faith and lack of trust in God. As a result, my mother and I never learned how to cry and grieve over things...we just numbed our feelings and kept on being soldiers of the cross.

My mother and I no longer attend the church that we used to go to; however their teaching still have a hold on my mother. Tomorrow my mother is going to get laid off from her job, yet she refuses to show any emotion or sadness over this event for for fear that tears are a sign of weak-faith...or even worse...that she isn't really saved at all!!

In my old church, the pastor used Luke 9:23 "If any man will come after me let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." We were taught that salvation is maintained  and achieved through rigorous denial of self, pain, emotion, love, desire, etc. Tragically, my mother still believes that giving into ANY emotions no matter how small, will reveal a lack of faith on her part.


I would like to show my mother some verses in the Bible that show her that it is perfectly okay and natural for Christians (and all human beings) to cry and grieve when unfortunate things happen in our lives. My mother thinks that she must "maintain" her salvation by constantly being strong like JOB.

While JOB is certainly a wonderful example of strength and determination; I recollect that even "Jesus Wept" over the loss of Lazarus. How can I get my mother to understand that grieving is not a sin nor will lamentation result in the loss of salvation. Do you know of anymore verse or examples?

Thank you for your time. And would you please keep me in your prayers because I am sad too...

Yours Respectfully,

Priscilla

Answer
Hi Priscilla,

Thank you for this great question.  I am sorry for my late response, and I am sorry that you are going though this.  The Bible is full of things that would refute the notion that emotion is bad.  In fact we are encouraged to show emotion and to let that emotion flow as an expression between us and God.  

1.  Jesus is our High Priest.  There is no hurt you can endure that Jesus did not already endure... so if you cry to Him, he already knows your pain, because he felt the same pain.

Hebrews 4:15 (AV)
15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.


2.  Now let us see what the Bible says about tears.

- They are precious to God... he saves our tears because it hurts Him when we hurt.

Psalm 56:8 (AV)
8 Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?


Psalm 126:5 (AV)
5 They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

We are told to sow in tears... this is speaking of our prayer life... if we pray with great emotion, pouring our hearts out in tears, God will turn those tears to Joy... that is His promise!!

Isaiah 25:8 (AV)
8 He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the LORD hath spoken it.


Acts 20:19 (AV)
19 Serving the Lord with all humility of mind, and with many tears, and temptations, which befell me by the lying in wait of the Jews:


Paul cried tears as he ministered the Word of God... if it were wrong to cry... why did God let him write half the new Testament?

There will be crying in Heaven during the tribulation... when those martyred enter heaven... God will wipe their tears, not rebuke them.

Revelation 7:17 (AV)
17 For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.


We are to rejoice in all things, but not rejoice about all things.  In other words... if my car broke, I don't say... Praise God He smashed my car!!  I say even though my car is smashed, I am still saved,...  So you can lament sad things, but have perspective to remember that there is still reason to have joy, and that is because of God, not because your hurt does not matter.  Job had terrible things happen to him, yet, in the middle of his crying he took a few moments to reflect on some truths that he still had to hold on to.

Job 19:23–27 (AV#
23 Oh that my words were now written! oh that they were printed in a book! 24 That they were graven with an iron pen and lead in the rock for ever! 25 For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth: 26 And though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God: 27 Whom I shall see for myself, and mine eyes shall behold, and not another; though my reins be consumed within me.


We are told to support each other in the local church through the happy and sad times!  We are not told not to allow people to express sad times.

1 Corinthians 12:25–27 #AV)
25 That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. 26 And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.
27 Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.


I hope that this helps you.

In Christ,
Pastor Don