Dear Pastor, I have a friend who used to be in gay, who got saved back in the eighties. Even though she is not in a sexual relationship anymore, she is still living with the same partner, who is still gay. My friend and her partner still act as though they are married, and have been toghether for 40 years. They still have one bank account and make all decisions toghether about everything. Do you think this person needs to break away or continue living with this person, if truly she is a born again christian? Thanks
Thank you for your question. The situation you describe is unusual in my experience and has caused me to think quite carefully. That your friend has, for many years now, turned her back on a sinful sexual relationship is a cause for thankfulness. At a basic level the issue is dealt with. There are only two issues that make the situation a little more obscure. One is that the other lady still considers herself as gay and the other concerns the issue of the appearance of evil - in other words does this lifestyle give a bad example to others and/or bring the name of Jesus into disrepute? However, it must be said that there is nothing wrong at all with a close and loving deep friendship between people of the same sex. David and Jonathan clearly had such a friendship. Over the years there have been many people of the same sex who have shared a house and lived mutually dependent lives without the relationship ever being sexual. It is our sex obsessed culture today which automatically assumes a sexual relationship where there is affection. It is our culture which is wrong here. If the testimony of your friend is clear regarding what God has done for her then to continue living in the same house and having such a friendship need not be a bad example. Does the situation create the appearance that evil is going on? Not by the world's standards which no longer seems to care. Possibly in the church the answer would be yes but again, not if the testimony is clear.
Were they a young couple I would probably by counselling them to carve out separate lives and it may be that if I knew these people personally I would be suggesting it to them as well but I am far from sure about it.
I have tried to give you the underlying issues as I see them but cannot give you a definitive answer as such an answer would be tied up with pastoral issues that I cannot assess. However, I hope my comments are helpful and pray that God will give you great wisdom.