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Baptists/Will what I've seen ever stop bothering me

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Question
I recently found Christ, around 6 months ago. I was an atheist for all my life, though never an anti-theist. In other words even though I didn't believe I never felt religion was bad.

Before I found God I was heavy into pornography, it was one of the easiest ways to relieve stress and relax. I would masturbate at least 2 or 3 times a day, spend 2 or more hours a day on average looking at porn.

While sometimes the porn would be movies of men and women having sex, I got to where that emotionally bothered me (made me feel lonely) so I started a long time ago looking at and watching Japanese cartoon porn (hentai).

It was very weird, but helped me relieve sexual stress without actually looking at real people.

The problem was that most hentai deals with younger looking women, and slowly I found myself looking at almost solely pedophilic and incest based cartoon stuff. That eventually led me to read stories that were written involving the same thing.

Now while I never actually looked at anything realistic like that, and have never felt a desire for actual children or young girls, I have seen a lot of the cartoon stuff.

It just haunts me, what I've seen, what I've read. I feel it's taints everything. When I see a mom and son walking around I wonder sexual things, when I play a video game or watch a cartoon I think about the stuff I've seen.

It bothers me, it tears me apart so much. I feel ashamed for what I did, I feel ashamed for what I've seen.


Will this ever go away? I know it will lessen. Christ has given me such strength since I accepted him into my heart! He helped me almost instantly give up pornography of all types and even masturbating! Something witch prior to having him in my life I couldn't go even 3 days without doing no matter how hard I tried.

I am so grateful for the strength God has given me, for his hand on my shoulder to lead me through the dark times.

It's just I sometimes feel so terribly tired and lost because of the things I've seen, that I used to actively look for.


Will this ever go away? Will I ever be able to watch a cartoon with my kids or nieces (I don't have children) and not think perverted things? Will I ever be able to have a healthy relationship with a woman?



I turn to the Word when I have my moments of weakness, I turn to prayer, and God answers them and keeps me strong.

I just feel corrupted and tainted.

I know I'm born again, I know I'm a new creation, I know that my sins are not held against me because Christ removed them.

I just can't get over my own feeling of guilt, my feeling that no family member or wife or child will ever be able to accept me for what I used to look at.


Will this always haunt me?

Answer
Jusitn thank you for your question. God does forgives us of all our sins. In 1 John 1:9 states "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

When you have addictions like you have, the scars are deep and appear to last for ever. This is what porn does to people. But what you need is to find a good Christian Counselor and work through your issues. So do this ASAP.

I suggest you find a church that has a Celebration Recovery Support group and start attending it. Celebration Recovery was started by Rick  Warren  and is Christian based on the Beatitudes.

Find you a Bible Believing Church that believes in the teaching of the Bible. Attend the Church every Sunday, get involved in doing some part of ministry in the Church, and find you  a strong Sunday School. Get involved to associate with fellow believers who can come around you and who can pray with you.  

If you have drug addictions issues get into a 28 day inpatient treatment or INTENSIVE OUTPATIENT TREATMENT. If you have any mental issues such as depression, find you a Christian psychiatrist because you may need medication of some sort.

You are a new Christian and need other belivers around you help you walk through. You are vulnerable as you are new babe in the faith.

Continue to read your Bible everyday and ask God for guidance everyday. You have to do this everyday.

But God will help you and it will get better but you have to persevere.

I will be praying for you.

Blessings,

Dr Don  Howe, RN, PhD, ThD, CARN  

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Dr Don Howe

Expertise

I welcome questions that deal with addictions, drug abuse, military issues, theological issues, relationship issues, church history, world religions, current events from a Christian worldview, "gray areas" that are present today, church growth movements, false prophets, spiritual abuse issues, end time events, prophecy, medical ethical issues, hermeneutical questions, and how Israel fits into God's economy today. I will answer all questions in a grammatical/historical normative interpretation of God's Word. If you are looking for a liberal theological answer or argument, do not ask. I am not an expert on church planting or evangelism. I am Military Chaplain in the Texas State Guard in Texas and would enjoy questions from soldiers in the military, their families, and children dealing with religious/spiritual issues/marriage issues/assimilation back into the civilian life issues/addictions. I welcome questions dealing with addictions and the problems that lifestyle places on people's lives.

Experience

I have over 20 years of experience doing ministry as a bivocational minster and Military Chaplain. I have over 39 yrs of experience as Registered Nurse. I am a Military Chaplain in the TXSG in Texas and welcome questions from military. I am a Chaplain with the TX DPS department and Certified Master Chaplain with the American Board of Certified of Homeland Security. I do ministry as a volunteer with ministries that are nonprofit and not able to pay for ministers. I have experience working with youth, children, elderly in different placement settings, mentally ill and mentally challenged in different settings, felons in state prison and county jails, hospital chaplaincy, choir ministry, and deacon ministry. I am an ordained SBC minister. I am a Professional Chaplain. I am currently doing hospital ministry, ministry to shut-ins, and a chaplain with Victim Relief Ministry working with victims of disasters and domestic violence. I have over 43 yrs of experience in Mental Health field and specialize in Addictions. Also work as a professional nurse in federal agency.

Organizations
American Association of Christian Counselors, Nurses Christian Fellowship, Therpon Institute, Victim Chaplain & Counselor Association of America, International Board of Christian Counselors, American Society of Christian Therapists, International Nurses Society in Addictions. National Center for Crisis Management American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress American Board of Certified Master Chaplains (ABCMC),

Publications
N/A

Education/Credentials
PhD, Therapon University, USVI, 12/07 in Biblical Counseling, DCC, Southwest Bible College & Seminary, Jenning, LA 04/05 in Christian Psychology and Counseling. ThD, Slidell Baptist Seminary, Slidell, LA 02/04 D.D., Slidell Baptist Seminary, Slidell, LA 07/03 Tyndale Seminary, Fort Worth, TX 2001-2003 BSN, Univ. of Texas in Arlington, Tx 05/93 ADN, Midwestern State Univ., Wichitia Falls, TX 5/77 Covenant Medical Center in Lubbock, Externship 08/04-12/05, 4 units of CPE earned.

Awards and Honors
Certified Addictions Registered Nurse by International Nursing Society on Addictions. Board Certified Christian Counselor by International Board of Christian Counselors. Issued 01/24/06. Board certified as Expert in Traumatic Stress by the American Academy Of Experts In Traumatic Stress (BCEST). Fellow (FAAETS) of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress. DAPA and FAPA by American Psychotherapy Association. Diplomate (DAAETS) of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress. Diplomate (DNCCM) of the National Center for Crisis Management, issued 11/18/09. Currently serve as Secretary on the American Board of Certified Master Chaplains (ABCMC), which is an Advisory Board under the American Board for Certification in Homeland Security (ABCHS). Certified Addictions Registered Nurse (CARN).

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