Baptists/Unforgivable? Blasphemy?

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Question
I have a problem.  I think that I have committed the unforgivable sin of blasphemy of the Holy Spirit.  I am being tormented by worrying about this.  I was diagnosed with OCD and anxiety a few years ago, and I think this is really latching on to this.  I am also pregnant, and I doubt the hormones are helping.

A few nights ago, I was in a bad mood for no particular reason except that I was getting frustrated with being pregnant.  I am nearing the end of the third trimester and I'm just uncomfortable.  I was feeling very tired and grumpy, and I had that feeling that I was not going to be able to fall asleep.  I've heard other pregnant women joke about pregnancy insomnia being God's way of preparing you for the sleepless nights of having an infant.   Anyway, as soon as I thought that, I said to myself in my head, "Well, that must just be a part of God's evil plan."  I was absolutely disgusted by the thought!  I do not think that God is evil at all!

Ever since then, I've had this horrible pit in my stomach and knot in my chest.  I have asked for forgiveness, but I am afraid that I am like the Pharisees who accused Jesus of casting out demons by Satan.  I know that Jesus said that all sins and blasphemies will be forgiven, but the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, and even though I didn't refer to the Holy Spirit in my thought, I blasphemed Him by default since He is part of the trinity.  I feel like I blasphemed all three persons of the trinity by referring to God as evil.

I am so scared that I will not be saved because of this.  I want to believe what the Bible says, that if I confess my sin then He will be faithful to forgive me, but He also said that blasphemy of the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven.  I've messed up so bad!  I know that Jesus is my only hope for salvation because He is Lord and He died for me, but I'm afraid that Jesus can't forgive me for this evil blasphemous thought against Him.

I am so upset!  I did not want to think that thought, or at least I think I don't.  It makes me afraid that maybe I'm losing my mind and don't know what I really believe.  I know that Jesus is the only way, and I long for His forgiveness and for Him to be my savior.  I wish I could go back and unthink the thought.  I hate it so much!

Answer
I’m sorry this is so late.  I didn’t receive the first notice, which could add to your situation of God allowing bad things to happen (God’s evil plan).  It’s true that God has temporarily allowed suffering and death, even “unfairly,” so that the CONTRAST of what He offers (perfect happiness that lasts forever) will encourage us to love Him in spite of what we may suffer.  (Jesus suffered so much for us, we trust Him to help us through this short, temporary life, so we can spend millions of years in the fullness of life and love.)

It would be easy to believe God, if only good things happened to people who believe God, and only bad things happen to those who don’t believe God.  But then you wouldn’t have to believe.  You’d have the proof, and everyone would choose God just to avoid bad things, not because they recognize that our self will is destructive and deadly (apart from the Source of life and everything good).

Because I know God can forgive any sin, I think blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is the sin of rejecting the Holy Spirit’s desire “that all should come to repentance.” II Peter 3:9  Matthew 12:32 says “whoever speaks a word against the Son of man, it shall be forgiven him; but whosoever speaks against the Holy Spirit, it shall not be forgiven him.”  We may misunderstand and say things against humans, but we will not be forgiven if we reject the Holy Spirit’s job to “reprove the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment” (reject His help to repent of our sins and accept the righteousness of Jesus or else we will be judged for our sins and go to hell). John 16:8

Your repentance shows that you haven’t committed blasphemy of the Holy Spirit.  

I pray that you will grow in your relationship with Christ through this emotional time, knowing that we really are needy of His presence every second, even though we aren’t always aware of our need.  Colossians 1:17 “by Him (Christ) all consist.”  

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Mrs. Priscilla Lyons

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I have time for you. The Bible has been my guiding light for most of the 56 years of my life. My missionary parents in Brazil kindled a love for God`s Word by their example and their love for truth. The Lord has blessed my husband and me with responsible, independent children who love and serve the Lord and are our best friends. I would enjoy discussing any subject or problem from a Biblical perspective.

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I help lead music in a small Southern Baptist Church. Although I rarely have the opportunity to play, I do play the bass guitar, drums, tambourine, harmonica and piano. I like Southern Gospel and praise choruses, but only know by heart the words from the hymnal, and my vocal range is half an octave lower than most music is written, but fortunately my husband transposes well and also plays by ear.

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