Baptists/Fornication

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QUESTION: I have been Baptist my entire life. Been going to church Sunday morning and night and Wednesday Bible study. In my entire life I had only 1 boyfriend for 4 months and never had any other relationship, date, or other boyfriend.

I am 37, lonely and single and have started sleeping with a neighbor. I don't believe God has plans for me or a husband...so I have started sleeping around, sex chats, and porn.

I don't know what to do and I feel sad and depressed. I did everything I was ever asked in church. Prayed. Read my Bible. Yet I am alone and have turned to fornication.

I wanted to be married and have kids ever since I was 15...and I didn't sign up to be a celibate nun my whole life. If you can offer some advice I'd appreciate it...but I don't need shaming.
Why didn't God provide me with a husband and all I have to turn to is fornication and raising illegitimate kids. I want children before it is too late.

ANSWER: Hello, and thank you for writing.  Let me begin by saying that I do not "shame" anyone.  As a Christian, my only desire would be to help someone and to encourage them to get right with God, even if that person is currently living in sin.  Especially if I believe the questioner is sincere.  That being said, there is no way to sugar coat what God calls sinful behavior, and I will not try to.  But "shaming" someone is never to be the motive, because we all have sinned and fallen short of God's plan for our life.

You said...."I am 37, lonely and single and have started sleeping with a neighbor. I don't believe God has plans for me or a husband...so I have started sleeping around, sex chats, and porn."

God certainly does have a plan for your life.  And that plan is not for you to be sleeping with your neighbor, or anyone else outside of wedlock.  I also believe we can hinder, and even miss out, on the plan of God for our lives, if we choose to not remain in obedience to His will.

I have talked to many people, who are in the same situation you are in.  And I will tell you, what I tell them.  Sometimes God doesn't operate on our time table.  I know that may not be what you want to hear, and I understand about your desire for children.  But I know that you are better off without a man in your life, than to have the wrong man in your life.  

You don't need me to shame you.  You already know that it is wrong for you to be committing fornication with your neighbor, engaging in pornography, and having sexually explicit conversations....that is why you came to me about it.  


You also said..."I don't know what to do and I feel sad and depressed. I did everything I was ever asked in church. Prayed. Read my Bible. Yet I am alone and have turned to fornication."

This tells me that your trying to fill the void with fornication and other sinful acts, are not bringing you the peace and fulfillment that you were hoping for, either.  That's the thing about sin...It promises a good time, and happiness, but only leaves you more frustrated and depressed than before.

Okay, I need to ask you a very personal question.  You said that you "did everything that was asked of you in church".  But were you ever truly born again, and did you ever have a saving relationship with Jesus Christ?  That is first and foremost.  The Bible contains a promise that....

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."



And it also advises....


Phil. 4:11-13-  "Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."



The best thing I can tell you, is to be patient, and trust God.  I don't know what His plan for your life will entail, but I do know this....Nothing good will come to you, by going against His commandments, and engaging in sinful behavior.  That is the best way to not ever realize or experience His best for you.

And I also know that sometimes, He is waiting until we come to the place of TOTAL and complete surrender, and then He sends that blessing our way.  Can you come to the place where you are willing to place your life, your actions, and all your plans, into His hands, and simply trust Him to work out all the details?  

You said...."I wanted to be married and have kids ever since I was 15...and I didn't sign up to be a celibate nun my whole life. If you can offer some advice I'd appreciate it...but I don't need shaming.

Why didn't God provide me with a husband and all I have to turn to is fornication and raising illegitimate kids. I want children before it is too late."


All due respect, and I hope you take this in the spirit that its intended, but you did not have to turn to fornication.  That was your choice.  You were not forced into it.  Its always far better to turn TO God, than away from Him.  It sounds to me as if you are bitter at Him, if you will be honest with yourself.

What I can tell you, is that He has your good and best interest at heart.  The ultimate choice is up to you.  I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that what you're doing now, is sin.  And you know it, too.  That's why its bothering you on the inside.  And it obviously is not filling the void in your life, that you hoped it would.  

But I must say this to you, as well...If you truly love God and want His perfect will for your life, the fornication needs to stop....today.  Do whatever you have to do.  Tell this neighbor that you will not see, nor speak to him again, if need be.  Lose his phone number, and change yours.  If he were the man for you, he would respect God's laws, and respect you for wanting to live a virtuous life.  

But I also have to wonder this....If you do believe this is the person you love, and if you believe he loves you, then why not just marry him, and make it right?  Why commit fornication?  If he's a Christian, and if you are, then why not repent of this sin, and just do it God's way? Get married.

But I cannot tell you that God is going to bless your life, when you're knowingly committing willful sin against Him.

But I CAN tell you, that God is merciful, and that you have done nothing that the shed blood of Jesus Christ, cannot make clean.

1 John 1:9-  "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

That is what I hope you will do.  Make getting right with God and turning from sin, top priority in your life.  Trust Him with the rest of your life.  He knows what you need, and He knows your desires.  But make HIM your #1 desire, and that is the key to having His blessings.  Seek Him, and put His interests first, and He will meet your needs, and even give you your wants.  

Praying that all goes well for you, and please do not hesitate to follow up, if I can be of further help to you.   







---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Not a follow up just a "thank you." I understand

ANSWER: You're very welcome.  Please keep in touch, if there is anything I can do to help.  Take care.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I don't think you can help me. I am a lost cause. I angry. Bitter and not a nice person to be around. I ripped up my Bible today and threw it away....because I quit religion....and I don't think you from far away could help me any. Sorry I wasted your time.

I don't care anymore.....God has no plans for me be suffering.

Answer
I'm very sad to hear that you did that to God's Word, and that you have such anger towards the God that loves you, and wants to bless your life.  I also believe that there is much more to this, than your simply not being married.  Did something happen to you, that has made you bitter towards God?  Want to tell me about it?  Sometimes just talking about it, can help you get it off your chest.

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Derrick Holland

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I can answer questions pertaining to Baptist and Bible doctrine. I have been an ordained Baptist minister for 19 years, and pastored a Baptist Church for over 5 years. I have also preached revival meetings in Baptist Churches for years. I am happy to answer questions about how Baptist/Bible doctrine compares with false cults going under the guise of Christianity, and how those differences are significant and sometimes dangerous. I do not wish to discuss doctrines within Christianity, that are controversial, as there are many genuinely saved people who allow some of the minor things to divide them.

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I have answered Bible questions on the Jehovah's Witness forum for just over 14 years now, and attempted to help many people see the differences between that belief system, and Biblical Christianity. As I was raised in that religion, I can say that many of them have a sincere desire to please God, but they have been misled by false doctrines. If you have any questions regarding the beliefs of JWs, and how those beliefs deviate from the Scriptures, I can help you with that, as well. Please use my profile on that forum, for questions of that nature. But more importantly than simply discussing various doctrines, I have a desire to see people become born again into the family of God, by placing complete faith and trust in the shed blood of Jesus Christ, which alone is the atonement for our sins.

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Independent Baptist church in western North Carolina, near the Blue Ridge Mountains.

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High school, and 3 years of Bible College. Hundreds of hours of study in God's Word, the Bible.

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