Expert: Dr. Ronald E. Shultz - 2/9/2005

Question
I am a born again christian but find many gray areas in my christian walk, in these situations opionions are a dime a dozen.
Smoking is a bad habit and there are many reasons to not smoke but is it Morally wrong, what if a man tries to be sexually pure, loves his wife , never cheats, doesn't view and abhors pornograhy
but struggles with Masterbation.
Can a person be sexually pure, what if a man doesn't cheat but doesn't have an active sex life with his wife, he can't just turn off sexual urges,the best he can do is direct it towards his wife whether they have sex  or not.
Can a christian lose his salvation?
Is it okay to take herbs or be dependant on medication, is loss of physical health at a young age a punishment.
just a few gray areas, yet i believe that Jesus is my Lord and Savior .
In Christ,
John

Answer
Actually, there are no gray areas only gray people.  God is pure light and no shadow so He has no gray.  Opinions are what cause gray areas.  

The best definition of righteous that I know is that righteousness is cooperating with God and/or His created reality.

Did God design your body to take in the chemicals you inhale when smoking?  No.  Does it harm you and has it killed millions. Yes.  What argument can you use to justify this complete lack of cooperation with God's creation?  None.  

Isa 44:20 He feedeth on ashes: a deceived heart hath turned him aside, that he cannot deliver his soul, nor say, Is there not a lie in my right hand? (KJV)

I am a very direct redneck so hopefully the following will not be offensive.  The passage is talking about an idol that the man has made to worship.   An application can be made to masturbation.  What/who are you thinking about when you do this?  Not your wife?  

Matt 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. (KJV)  It is adultery.

Your wife but she is doing things in your mind that she won't do in reality or the frequency is not what she desires?  Then you have created an idol that you are basically worshipping with your right hand if you are right handed.  Works for the other one as well.

Was your seed designed to be spilled upon the ground or into a vagina whether the womb is barren or not?  Is spilling it upon the ground cooperating with God's creation or not?  It isn't.  Not a gray area.

Why are you not having an active sex life with your wife?  Does she feel like that is all you want and thus an obect rather than a lover?  Does she have pain that needs to be addressed by a doctor?  Is she over burdened with the care of children?  Is she afraid of another pregnancy? Are you just flat unreasonable?  Can you be sensitive and intimate with her without sex?  Your masturbation comes at least partly because you are being tempted for your incontinency.
 
1 Cor 7:1-5
1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (KJV)

She may be setting herself and you up for an affair because satan will beat you with this if you are not careful.  You need to work out a suitable program, if you will, to suit both your needs.  Now, if you are a three times a day man and she is once every three months that might seem rough to do, but it can be done if you each realize that you are to satisfy each other.  

If I could talk to her and find out some other issues and there is not anything drastic that you left out I would tell her to let you have her as much as you want.  She might rebel at first but basically the incontinency is what is helping your excessive drive.

She might understand from a dieting standpoint.  Tell someone they can't eat a certain food they like or must restrict themselves then all they want is that particular food or they are hungry all the time.  If your "soul" knew that it could have intimacy anytime it wanted you may well find that you want it less since it is not being denied and and there may even come a day when she is bugging you for the physical because you have been involved with other things since it is no longer primary in your attention. Even people who love butterscotch pudding or lobster would get sick of it if they had to eat it three times a day for any length of time.  Sexual appetite is very similar that is why folks who go off into perversion have to change it and get sicker after a time for the thrill is gone.

Again, if you have other issues this will not work. If she does not feel loved or secure but just a piece of meat you have other things to work on.  You need marital counseling on this issue and you may well find the core of this problem lies somewhere else than in the sexual drive of you or your wife.

A true child of God can never be kicked out of the family but he can feel like it because the fellowship is gone. God still loved Samson and heard him in his defeat because of sexual sin and other things and answered his prayer and gave him greater victory in his death than he had in his life.  

The key to many things is balance/moderation.  Did God use a miracle to heal Hezekiah or both?  God made the herbs.  He has also allowed man to make some good things but because they have neglected to give Him the glory and thanks and look to evolution their discoveries often have flaws in them and cause more problems than what they were trying to cure.  Find a D.O. or M.D. that will use the best of both.  

I would suggest that you visit www.bebroken.com
and also secure a copy of Every Man's Battle.  Both may help you and your wife work through this.  If you have a good friend or brother that you can be accountable to that will also help a lot.

I pray that this has been of some help to you and may God grant you victory in these areas and bless you as you study His word.