Expert: Rev. Andrew Smith - 12/17/2007

Question
My boyfriend wishes to get married to me. He doesn't believe in God whereas I'm a firm believer. I attend church and I am also part of the choir there. This hasn't caused us any rift. But upon him discussing marriage with me. I told him I wouldn't marry him because of him being an atheist. I moved on to tell him that I would be with him until death separates us and that it wouldn't affect us. But he wishes us to get married. Again I refused. I know I'm hurting him but I don't wish to marry an atheist as it would be hypocrisy. Can you please help me with your views?

Answer
Well, I am more of a historian than a pastor these days, but I'll do my best to discuss your problem the way that I see it.

First, I think you are right not to want to marry someone with whom you cannot share your faith. First, as I am sure someone has already told you, Baptists often interpret II Corinthians 6: 14-18 as a rejection of marriage between Christians and non-Christians. From that perspective, then, it's not biblical.

Secondly, though, even if the bible didn't say anything about it, I would still advise against marrying a person with whom you have serious religious disagreements. I would say the same to a committed Jew or Muslim. It seems to me that marriage is about sharing all of yourself with another person - you share your labor, your thoughts and even your bodies with each other. How can you do that with someone with whom you do not share common faith? If nothing else, decisions about childrearing are difficult enough without having to disagree about whether or not children should be raised in church.

Third, and this is most difficult to say, your commitment to someone who is not a Christian seems to cut off your possibilities of marriage down the road. One thing that I do not know about you is your age, if you have been married before, or whether or not you ever want children. Those are factors that might affect how I respond here. But if you are young, you might consider whether you are willing to give up on the possibility of marriage permanently in order to be committed to someone that you know that you cannot marry.

These are just my thoughts on the matter. The decision, though is yours to make. I wish you the best with it.

Andrew