Expert: Mrs. Priscilla Lyons - 1/23/2006

Question
Hi.  I am nineteen years old, a born-again Christian, and majoring in Youth Ministry.  I have a few questions that I hope you can help me with:

1. Over the past few years, I have fantasized about what it would be like to have a sexual experience with another guy.  I never have and I don't want to, but I can't quit thinking about it.  I have a girlfriend as well. What can I do to quit thinking about this because it bothers me.

2. For some time now, I have felt that I shouldn't be doing youth ministry because of this, but at the same time I have a heart for it.  Do you think God is upset with me for even thinkning about doing youth ministry?

3. Is it common for guys (& Christian guys) my age to fantasize about things like this but will never do it or even want to do it?  

4. Is there an answer as to why I have thoughts like this?  

5. Is God upset with me when I think about this?

6. Do you think there are Christian guys out there who have these thoughts but would never think about telling anyone?  (I just want to know that I'm not alone in this situation).  

7.  Do you think I am doing a hypocritical thing by majoring in youth ministry?  

8.  Every so often (about once every 3 months) I look at pictures of pornography related to this and everytime I tell myself I won't do it again.  But I still do?  Is there any solution to overcome this addiction?  

I apologize for the length of this email.  I really hope you can answer my questions.  I want to live my life for God but Satan is attacking me!  Thank you for your time.  

Collin

Answer
Dear Collin,
   I'm glad you've written.  It is not surprising for you to have such thoughts since our culture has been cramming sex outside of God's parameters down our throats at a furious pace.  Your hormones are at a high point at your age, which makes it more difficult also.  I'm sure you're not alone.
   Growing in Christ through this struggle will help you minister to others.  If this will help you realize how much we need God's help moment by moment, then you'll be stronger for it.  
   The whole point of our creation was for an intimate connection with our Creator that reflects His image and glory. (Gen.1:26)  Sin broke the connection as we all fall short of the glory of God.  Sin is looking for what we want outside of God's provision.  Because Jesus paid the price for sin, we can have our sins forgiven, giving a clean place for Christ IN us, the hope of glory.  He works the power to change.(Col.1:27-29)(we are His workmanship Eph.2:10)  He gives you a cleansing when you confess your sin so you don't get discouraged.(I John 1:9)  Keep an open face to God, even confessing to Him aloud, if you need to make it more real, and behold the glory of God, so the Holy Spirit will change you from glory to glory into the same image.(II Cor.3:18)  We behold His glory when we read His Word and let it soak in and feed us daily, and when we praise Him with grateful hearts for going to so much trouble for us.  Gal.2:20 will also remind you that I AM not WAS crucified with Christ.  To stay buried to our self-centered life, we must rely on the supernatural, resurrected life of Christ in us, not rely on our own efforts.
   Instead of focusing on not doing things (like having bad thoughts or looking at pornography), focus on building your intimate relationship with God and caring more about the needs of others.  Prepare an alternate, unselfish action to replace a bad thought.  Nature abhors a vacuum, so don't push out the bad to leave an empty spot.  Instead fill to overflowing with God's goodness, which will push out the bad.  Decide ahead of time, where you will move to, to be around others, when the temptation to look at pornography comes.  Decide ahead of time, what verse you will read aloud, when wrong images come to your mind.  You're in a battle and your sword is the Word of God.  Use it--depend on it.  You need to consciously submit to God each time Satan attacks in order for him to flee from you. (James 4:7)
   It may help to have some spiritually mature accountability partners.  You wouldn't have to go into intimate detail necessarily, but knowing that other Christians want to help you stay close to God to push out impure thoughts, and knowing they will specifically ask how you are doing in that area, may make it easier to say "no" to corrosive, deadly desires.  God loves us so much and doesn't want to see us harmed by sin.  
   This website I got from Focus on the Family might help also.  www.pureintimacy.org
   I'm glad you care because we're in this Body of Christ together.  Ecc. 4:12
   Shine for Him!
   Priscilla Lyons