Expert: Dr. Ronald E. Shultz - 3/23/2007

Question
My wife and I have been unable to get pregnant for almost 3 years, following a miscarriage. I want to establish that we've been pregnant once before and that our doctors/fertility specialists have been unable to identify any physical problems that would prevent us from having children. Our desire to have a child has grown throughout this struggle. We have also grown closer to each other and to the Father throughout.

We've constantly prayed for a child and have had an unbelievable amount of prayer support from other believers, family and friends.

My fundamental question:
Do we play a part in receiving this gift from God? Can our unbelief/sin play a part in not receiving this gift? Isn't it God's will for us to pro-create? Doesn't he give us the desires of our heart?

We are currently waking the walk waiting on God's perfect timing...which is completely fine if that is what our biblical response should be. Does the bible tell us that we play a part in the timing of receiving the gift of a child above and beyond natural law?
Should we continue to pray for a child or does it show a lack of faith to continue to take this request to God. He knows are hearts and thoughts...we've layed them at his feet. Should we be praying in another manner?

Thanks for your insight.

Answer

There are times that when God says, “No” and “Wait” and trying to figure out which can be a mystery.

Gen 30:1 And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.
Gen 30:2 And Jacob's anger was kindled against Rachel: and he said, Am I in God's stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?

Jacob had the right idea in that ultimately it is God that opens and shuts the womb.  You say that you have one child and with the miscarriage actually two for one is in Heaven.  The Doctors say that from their perspective there is no physical problem.  I would have to conclude that at best God is saying “Wait” but He may be saying “No.”

You say that you and your wife have grown closer to each other and to Him through this.  That could be all that He wanted was the greater intimacy with you and your greater intimacy with each other rather than prepare you for more children.  One child or one hundred is insignificant if you have that intimacy for few have it in this day and age.

Remember the story about Hezekiah?  He wanted to have an heir and God granted that desire but Manasseh turned out to be one of the most evil kings in the history of Israel.  You have one child in Heaven.  If your one here grows up to be a great saint then maybe God is sparing you a Manasseh and great heartbreak.  He is omniscient.  As a wise Father, he knows what desires to fulfill and what not to fulfill.  

Hezekiah presented valid arguments so to speak and God granted him his desire but it would have been best if He had not done so.  You may see everything as in order from your perspective but you may have blind spots.  God forbid, but what if you only have a few more years to live do you want to leave your wife with one child to raise alone or four?  I was raised by a widowed Mom as an only child and that was tough enough.  While I wished that I had some siblings I see that it was really best that my Mom only had me to raise.  I was enough trouble for six children.

Unbelief can be a factor, but then again if He does not desire it your greatest trust would still result in no children.  Let your trust in Him be that He is the Lord and He knows best.  If a child comes, praise Him and if none come, praise Him still.  

God works normally within the parameters of the laws He has established.  When He overrides them or amends them we call them miracles.  There may be a physical issue that the Docs cannot find.  I have read that if a woman is stressing out over this her body might be producing a spermicide that has been found in rape victims.  Only two percent of rapes end in pregnancy so there may be some credence to this.  I have not read about this lately but if God does provide such an enzyme the stress you both have may be accidentally triggering it.  The body perceives the stress as a rape.  If you just relax and enjoy your intimacy rather than “working” or stressing over making a baby you may see different results.  Indeed, the fear of another miscarriage may actually prevent pregnancy.  Just enjoy each other and out of that enjoyment let a child come forth and if not that bonding and joy will last you a lifetime!

I knew a couple that fretted over having children for ten years and when they gave up trying they had a child.  Another woman had to adopt a child and then she became pregnant.  Why?  They gave up and the body functioned properly.   Again, God can override these kinds of issues but He created the reproductive system to work to create a body.  If we, by frailty of body due to the fall or some other reason muck with the system God may allow things to follow their natural course or rather their unnatural course.

Now, I do want you or her to have guilt over that concept because it is a perfectly natural thing to have concerns after such an event and especially when another pregnancy does not follow.   The key is to turn it over to God.  He may want you to adopt and then give you six more children.  He may be pleased with what you have now.  Maybe you are to be foster parents or get involved in the Youth ministry and have hundreds of children in the faith.  Since with God nothing is impossible or over the top the possibilities for you and your wife are endless.  Broaden your view and you see greater blessings than you can imagine.  

As to praying, God told Paul to quit after three times for His grace was sufficient for the situation.  Christ also taught the parable about the unjust judge but the subject was about being avenged.  I would say that you take it to Him again telling Him you trust Him to do what is right for you.  After that, I would leave it alone unless the devil brings doubts and sorrow to your mind.  If that happens go to the Lord and pray out loud to the effect that while you are reminding Him of what you are trusting Him for affirm that you trust God, not your feelings, thoughts or murmurings of demons. Then plead the Blood of Christ over the whole issue and go in peace.

May God grant you great peace and wisdom as you trust in Him and seek His will through His word!