Expert: Bruce Gourley - 10/17/2007

Question
I would like to know if you teach some family values.  I have a daughterinlaw that just began going to a southern Baptist church in Fort Madison,Iowa because she didnt want my son to have anything to do with his birth family since I had to give him up at birth and it was out of my control,  She hates us all and told my son she was going to church to change,  It has been since August and still she will not give in.  My son wants to have relationships with his birth family but she is in control of him and says no..  Thank you for any help at all.

Answer
Dear Earliene,

I hear your anger and frustration, more than you might know, as my wife and I are parents of an adopted daughter. She is only a toddler at this point, and we make certain that she sees her birth mother (and grandmother, aunt,  cousins) at least once a year.

I sincerely doubt that where your daughter-in-law is going to church has anything to do with her attitude toward you. Her attitude is more likely a reflection of her own self, and whatever struggles or issues she may be dealing with internally. Southern Baptist churches, like other churches, teach "family values," although precisely how that is defined will vary from church to church (including among Southern Baptist churches).

Of more benefit to her than merely attending church, would probably be receiving pastoral counseling. Perhaps that would be something you or your son could gently suggest to her (although how she would receive such a suggestion is another matter altogether).

I truly feel for your situation, and just now took the time to offer up a prayer on behalf of you, your son and your daughter-on-law.

Bruce Gourley
www.baptistlife.com
www.brucegourley.com