Expert: Rev. Robert Woods - 9/18/2007

Question
I have a question that is really bothering and upsetting me and have no other place to turn.  Perhaps you can help.

My husband and I (well, my daughters,also) joined a small Baptist church near us about 19 months ago.  We have been visiting this church for almost 2 years.  When we first began going here, it was a very pleasant, nice cheerful church where everyone "seemed" to care for each other.  That was "before" the interim preacher became full-time.

He was working another job about 100 miles from our small town up until time he wanted to retire and start preaching full-time.  The church eagerly greeted him into our church with no problems (at this time).  It seems that at the time of his full-time position, his attitude (and that of his family) changed.  All of a sudden, EVERY thing started changing and the whole family became much more possessive about the church as if it were their's alone - and demanding that almost everything be done their way from now on.  I was okay with this as I had no real run-in with any of them but did find some of the things a little unsettling.  

To make a long story short, things kept on going this way for about 6 months until the tension at the church was thick enough you could cut it.  The small, quiet church just didn't seem to be the same at all and people had become unhappy (well...again...some of them).  As I said earlier, I had been unhappy with the pastor a couple of times and his wife (who undoubtedly rules him and is a big factor in the problem!) has ired me several times - but....I have never been mad enough to want to kick them out.  You will have to remember, this is a small country church where members had come down from generation to generation from the founders of the church.  That is how the big split came - over a Christmas program.  It seems the woman who had been there probably since a child - wanted the program one way and the preacher's wife wanted it another.  Well...you can guess who got their way.  Thus, the personnel committee was drawn in on it and they, of course, favored the long-timer rather than the preacher's wife and all hell broke loose.  Suddenly, things from the first day of take-over (and earlier) was being brought up.

What makes me feel so badly?  I had done some work on the bulletin several times for a lady whose husband was a deacon (one that left) and I also had talked to her about the situation when I heard they were calling a meeting to try and get the preacher out of the church.  Like I said, I had been angry several times - but not enough to change my whole religious ritual for nor to be dedicated to someone else who IS mad enough to and (I feel) wanted me to do so, too.  I have never been present at a church assassination (what it seemed to me) and it hurt!  I cared about people on both sides - but when time to leave (the preacher won out - so these people that had been talking to me and going there for about 17 years - walked out - along with 1/3 of the church - all the long-timers), I couldn't do it.  I felt I was damned if I did....and damned if I didn't.  

You have to understand...my husband and I have been married for 37 years and up until 2 years ago, we had not been going to church anywhere.  This is the first time we have been regularly attending a church (or irregularly, too) and if we quit this one - even for a while - I'm scared we will fall back out of the habit and I love going to church (well...I DID....now I don't know).

Anyway, just as I suspected, the preacher called me today to see if I would take over the bulletin each week - plus to tell me they were going to start designating a certain amount of money to each sport the congregation is involved in and we are over the bowling part.  Now I feel as if everyone is going to think I was "bought" out....and I don't know if even I feel right about it.  

Personally, I think the preacher and his wife were wrong on all accounts brought before him - but also the other side was not without fault, either.  One side was as ugly as the other, really, and we had friends on both sides.  Actually, the ones we liked best are the ones who stayed - but I still feel like a traitor because I didn't go with our other friends.  Is this a common feeling when this happens?  I am also afraid that even if we had of decided to support our friends that left, they might change their minds and decide to come back - and there we would be - with egg on our face and we weren't even that mad about things.  They kept yelling did we want a pastor-led church or a committee led church?  To be quite honest, I have never known what kind of church I attended before (when I was a teenager) so guess that never really made an important part of my decision.

I DID vote NO against our preacher - but only because I believed he was wrong, too, but I stayed.  Does that make me a coward - or just someone who isn't sure of their faith?  Would it be best for me to move on - with such feelings - or stay and see if I can get back the wonderful feelings I had before about this church?

I am sooooo confused!  I never thought I would be having such second thoughts (and even thoughts of going to hell over a wrong decision) over something to do with church and God!

Thanks for listening and I hope I didn't make this too confusing!  

Linda

Answer
Blessings and thank you for your question.  

I mourn with you over the spliting of your church.  

The Bible tells us in 1 Cor 1:10-11 and 12:25 that there should never be division among believers.  The enemy wants nothing more than to divide the church.

Having said that, I cannot make a judgment on your Pastor.  I don't know if what he did was wrong or not.  However let's look at this from a couple different ways.

1.  Change.  Most of us don't like change.  It is easier to go along in life without change.  But Jesus was an agent of change.  He made us see God completely differently than before.  The Jews of His day, especially the traditional religious leaders, did not want to hear His message.  His message threatened their power and their way of life.  SO they killed Him.  

While I was in seminary, Billy Graham came to my evangelism class.  He said something that day that has always stuck with me.  He said, "The gospel never changes, but the way in which we present the gospel MUST change in order to reach a lost world for Christ."

When I came to my current church ten years ago, it was a church that was dying.  The average age was 60 and there were few young people there.  The church said it was willing to change to reach young people, but when the changes happened, many were unhappy.  Now we are a church full of children and young families.  Was it worth it? Some would say no, others would say yes.

2.  God does not want division in the body.  God does not like to see us quarreling over things.  But sometimes divisions are good.  A cell must divide in order to grow, sometimes a church must also.  I am not saying that is the case with your church, but God may use the division for His glory.  For instance, many churches today that are vibrant and growing were started because of division from another church.

3.  Pastor Versus Committee:  Does the church follow the Pastor or should the people lead?  As I see it, both.  The Pastor is called to preach, teach, and lead the body with the help of the Holy Spirit.  However, the people can hear from the Holy Spirit too.  In my opinion, the Pastor should be given the chance to lead and unless the people feel strongly that the Spirit (not their opinion) is saying otherwise, they should follow the Pastor.  

4.  The Honeymoon - Believe it or not, but as a Pastor I was taught that you have a year of honeymoon period when you are first hired as a Pastor.  Seminary taught us to do as much as we can in that first year while people are still happy you are there.  It could be that your Pastor is following this advice.

5.  What should you do?  You have stuck it out so far.  I think you should really pray.  If you fell God tells you to leave, then leave.  If you don't feel God is telling you anything or that He is telling you to stay, then stay.  PRAY, PRAY, PRAY for your Pastor.  Ask the Lord to give him wisdom.  If he is in the wrong, then the Lord will tell him.  

Things cannot go back to the way they were.  What is done is done.  Do your best to follow what the Lord would have you do.

BLessings