Expert: Dr. Ronald E. Shultz - 5/23/2006

Question
I live in Ontario.  I was born, raised, live and will die Baptist (United Baptist).  Of late I have been seeking wisdom and insight into humans and our nature.  One thing I have noticed about myself, that is not a good quality, is that I have a low opinion of others, before I get to know them.  It is usually perfect strangers I will notice a person's walk, stance, smile, hair, or whatevere and pick them apart in my mind.  I try to be respectful of others, I keep my opinions to myself.  Getting to know a person often dispells my low opinion of them.  I feel thinking this way is a sin and is straight against Mat 22:37-39.  If all of the laws hang on those commandments I know I have blew it.  I'm really looking for suggests on how to train myself to think differently.  I pray but it has not stopped my thoughts.  I feel these thoughts lead me to other problems, especially in my harshness and belittling of others when I'm angry.  For example I will even speak critically of other drivers because they are not what I think they should be, and use very belittling words about them.  I also don't want my children to think that this is proper.  Suggestions?

Answer
Actually, you have done me an honor.  After all, I am an American and I have heard that we are not well thought of in Canada.  Therefore you had a chance to belittle me and you didn't take it so there is hope.  ;-)

I tried to do a quick study of United Baptists but I am not sure I got a real grasp of what y'all believe but it does appear that we have much in common though you may be a bit more Calvinistic than I am so hopefully I won't say anything you don't understand but if I do, please ask.

Many times the reason we are critical of others is because of a low view of ourselves or underlying anger about something.  Sometimes we do think more highly of ourselves thus it is a pride issue but I seem to have experienced more anger and low self-esteem in those with the problem rather than the pride side.

We do live in a very critical age so the constant atmosphere of whining, complaining, nitpicking and such does wear on you.  

Fortunately our salvation does not lie in the Law or we could all just prepare for Hell and forget about what we do for it would matter little in eternity.  

Rom 12:1-3
1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.
2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
3 For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. (KJV)

Finish reading this chapter but here is a foundation for change.  Since we live in a critical world we need to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, which means we need to heed the exhortation in Philippians 4:6-8 and concentrate on positive things but not in the sense of the "Power of Positive Thinking" theory.

As the rest of the chapter says each believer has a place in the body with his/her special gifts so each is valuable.  We are enjoined to not think more highly of ourselves than we should but it doesn't mean that we cannot recognize our value in Christ and rejoice in His gifts to us. We just have to remember where they come from and not get the big head.  

It is OK to seek the good and perfect will of God and to discern right from wrong but when it comes to people we have to remember that lost people can only act wrong and we should see their need of Christ first.  If you don't know for sure that a person is saved see them in flames screaming rather than what they may be doing and pray for their souls.  If the person is a known Christian then remember that you are far from perfect and so is he/she.  We are all in a growing and learning mode until we get to glory.  What mercy do you need and want?  Then try and show it to the Brother/Sister and especially the lost perosn who frankly just doesn't know any better and is being obedient to their father the devil.  Don't expect much and you won't be as frustrated.  

How do you feel about yourself?  Are you happy with your station in life?  Do you often think you could have done better in your career, marriage or Christian life.  These kinds of feelings can make you critical of others os that you feel better about youself.  Has your wife failed to meet all your needs?  She can't but if you expect it you will be frustrated and critical.  Only Jesus can fulfill all your needs.  Are you trusting in your own good works to make you acceptable to Christ and realizing that you are falling short is causing you massive guilt and anger at yourself and maybe God that is overflowing to others?

Obviously, I do not know you or your testimony but these are things that I would normally ask a person who came to me in counseling. If you have a good rapport with your Pastor it would be good to get some advice from him as well.

I don't know what you do in the way of Christian service but I would suggest you pray about getting into the Nursing Home, Rescue Mission or Jail Ministry.  Giving yourself to help people who indeed are helpless or in trouble becuase of their sins may make you more grateful for what is going on in your life thus slanting your thoughts to praise instead of criticism.

I would suggest that you do a careful study of all the Johns and the book of Galatians.  The best way to transform your mind is to read the pure Word of God.  Hopefully, you have a KJV.  Doing a concordance study on the word anger may help as well.

I would suggest that you read the following book.  It is free online.  I think it will help you in many areas.

http://www.bible.org/docs/splife/stanford/spgrowth.htm#TopOfPage

Also download Grace Abounding For The Chief of Sinners by Bunyan.  This is also free.

http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/654

Also, my site is linked to my sermons.  There may be something there that would be of help as well.  

www.mavmin.org

I hope that I have been of some help at least in giving you some things to think about and research.  If I can be of any other service, please let me know.

May God richly bless you as you see Him and His will through His Word.  

Bro. Ron.