Expert: Dr. Ronald E. Shultz - 12/19/2007

Question
I have read many replies on this board about divorce, marriage, etc. I am confused on so many levels when it comes to religion.

I have not been routinely in church since college. I was saved and baptized in the 3rd grade. Was in the same church till I was 18. Went to a baptist college for 2 years...I was never taught things about marriage and life with God and the real world. I was always under the impression as a child you went to church served the Lord, paid tithe, and it always seemed numbers mattered in the church I went to. Never felt I got any teaching or guidiness from it.  This is where I lack intelligence with understanding religion.
My deli ma is this.. I was married 14 years and divorced 2 years ago due to the fact that my ex was neglectful in meeting me half way in our marriage financially and as my other half as a friend I guess you could say. I had a lot of burdens of our marriage I carried on my shoulders for years. Not justifying, just explaining. I have reunited with a person who long before my marriage I fell in love with but did not pursue a relationship with. I would like to commit to him in marriage one day now that we are together. We keep coming to the same argument about my divorce. He loves me and wants to have this relationship, but the haunts of my marriage bothers him. He keeps telling me that because I was married I belong to him till I die and I am going to hell, but, he is not perfect either in his ways with God either. Can this be resolved? He and I are both of the same faith and have same view points, but my naivety of God's word has me doubting myself and future.

I don't question my faith because I believe what little teachings I got out of church as a child. I am not sure if I can be forgiven for my failed marriage and my new relations that has produced a daughter that I thought I could never have. Can I really truely be forgiven? Can I start over again at 35 now that I am mature enough to understand what I committed to in the 3rd grade? I read in the bible God is all forgiving but is there limits to His forgiveness? I feel damned to hell and want to pursue life with church and God in it fully. I am looking to relocate in the next 3 months to a new area at which time I will be looking for a new church and would like to feel I am not fighting a battle that will not be won. I don't want to put on any false faces. That would add insult to injury.

I just need some direct yes no direction when it comes to God after divorce and pursuing new relations with my new love and God. And have I now damned my child?  

Thank you for your time
Lost & confused

Answer
It would be very hard to either condone or condemn your particular divorce situation without more information.  However, divorce does not negate your salvation if you are truly saved.  Salvation is what Christ did for you and you receiving His gift after confessing yourself to be a sinner. If you did that in the third grade then you are His child and His forever.  You friend is in deep error saying you will go to Hell.

God does forgive sin and the only unpardonable sin is to die in an unforgiven state because Christ's salvation was refused.  

Now there are consequences for sin.  Say a Christian disobeys God and gets drunk and then is involved in a traffic accident and loses an arm or leg.  When he is sober he asks God to forgive him of his sin of drunkeness.  God will forgive him even if that sin caused pain or death to another individual.  However, he will not grow a new arm or leg or if another person lost their life they will not be brough back to life and the Christian may have to pay a fine or do time but he is still going to die and be in Heaven. His life here has been changed but not his eternal life.

Now if I understand what you said about your child correctly the child was born of you and the "new" beau out of wedlock.  Odd, that he would condemn you to Hell because you divorced your husband but he committed adultery with you to have this child if he believes you are still married to the other man. Even if he did not believe that he still engaged in fornication but doesn't think he would die and go to Hell for that.  I am not sure of what faith you both belong to but I would suspect that a preacher of your faith would be rather unhappy about all this.  

The child is innocent and not damned for your or the father's trangression.  It is born in sin like all of us but God will not hold the circumstances of its birth against it.  

You need to stop the intimacy of this relationship immediately because it is sin since it is outside of marriage.  It is even worse for the man since he believes you are damned for adultery thus what he is doing is not of faith and that is sin for him even if you were married to this new lad.  

You can be forgiven of this relationship and the sin that produced the child.  That is without question.  

Now back to the marriage.  Some teach that any marriage that ends in divorce ends any chance of the persons involved ever being able to marry again righteously and any remarriage will be an adulterous relationship until the death of the first spouse.  

I don't believe that but I do believe that there are a limited number of circumstances where a divorced person can remarry righteously.  

As I said, I would have to know more about your situation to see if you fit into one of those categories.  Before my son got married his fiance had questions about divorce and my son asked me to write down what the Bible teaches.  I have given that below.  You can read it and I have supplied the Scriptures so you can study for yourself.  Ask God to show you what category you are in and then that will tell you what you need to do.  

You may not like the answer but if you want to follow God fully then you will have to pray for the strength to do what is right.  However, I want emphasize that if you are truly saved then you are His and He will forgive you and love you no matter what the consequences may be of your situation.

If you have more questions after you have studied, please by all means ask and let me help you to understand the Word

Divorce?

  I have addressed this issue many times over the years but have never put it all together in one study.  At the request of my son, I am going to do so now.  I will refer to the Old Testament but not do the study from there.  Since we are in the age of grace and the Church age we need to look primarily from that perspective.  This will also not be exhaustive since I will hope this will cause some personal study by those who read it.

  It is sad to report that the Church divorce rate is equal to that of the World’s.  In fact, it is proof that more of the World has infiltrated the Church than the other way round as it is supposed to be.  Christians either have no clue as to the seriousness of marriage and thus the seriousness of divorce or they just don’t care.  Either way, they should stay single until they care and have a clue.  

  I am going to start with a passage that are used by many, many Church leaders as validation of divorce for Christians and the passage that refutes that validation.

“It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: 32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.”  Matthew 5:31 KJV

“The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?  4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?  6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.  What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.  7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?  8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.  9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.”  Matthew 19:3-9

  Like much that is going on today Jesus had to correct the thinking of the people.  We hear a great deal that isn’t Scriptural or is a very twisted or Liberal interpretation of it.  Often we need to just get alone with the Lord and His Word and hear him say, “But I say unto you” so that we can stay on course with Him and drown out the voices of our culture.

  There were two schools of thought in those days.  The Shammai School only allowed a divorce in very severe circumstances whereas Hillel taught that a man could divorce his wife for anything.  Burn the bagels and let the lox spoil and you’re outta here!  Rather than name either of the schools Jesus took the people back to Genesis and said that divorce was not in the mind of God, but allowed under Moses because of the hardness of people’s hearts.  He said that if divorce happened and there was a remarriage the folks were living in a state of perpetual adultery, as God did not recognize the divorce.

  The one exception that Jesus allowed was for fornication.  However, we must look at the Jewish marriage customs and see what that meant.  The Jews contracted the marriage and then the husband would depart and prepare a place for his bride.  The actual marriage ceremony took place a year later.

  Virginity was very important to the Jews.  This was understandable as when a man sought to have children he naturally wanted them to be his.  Indeed, part of the rationale behind the year interval may have been to be sure that she was not pregnant already.  Thus part of the marriage contract in one way or another presented the woman as a virgin or maid.  

  On the wedding night, a cloth was placed strategically in order to catch and preserve the hymeneal blood that would be produced during the act of consummation.  This cloth would then be presented to the bride’s parents for safekeeping as proof of the contract being complete and according to the terms.  

  Unlike our marriage ritual where an engagement is more of preliminary to marriage their year long preparation period was considered a marriage.  They just prepared the celebration for a year and consummated after that.  In our culture, if a couple is not already sexually active after the third date engagement often means the beginning of sexual congress as a pre-game warm up for the marriage.  White dresses mean nothing anymore but are held on as a tradition.  Not so for the Jews.  I doubt that the token cloth was even prepared until close to the consummation night.  Those who made very ornate ones may have taken a year to create them.

  We might find that practice a bit strange.  In the Czarist Russia, the parents of the bride and groom sat beside the marriage bed to ensure both consummation of the marriage and the virginity issue.  Frankly, I find the cloth a bit easier to endure.  But, why would it be needed?  Glad you asked!

Deut 22:13-22

13 If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her,
14 And give occasions of speech against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid:
15 Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel’s virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate:
16 And the damsel’s father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her;
17 And, lo, he hath given occasions of speech against her, saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these are the tokens of my daughter’s virginity.  And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city.
18 And the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him;
19 And they shall amerce him in an hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel: and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days.
20 But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel:
21 Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father’s house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.
22 If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.  KJV

  That cloth was a shield of defense against an unjust husband that falsely accused the woman.  God does love and cherish women contrary to what some say about Him.  Note it also says that she committed this in her father’s house which means it would have happened before the marriage was consummated making it fornication or whoredom rather than adultery.  Joseph loved Mary and was going to put her away quietly.  That was grace on his part, but the Lord had to reveal to Joseph the real situation to prevent what would have been a legal divorce but not one condoned by God.  There is a difference.

  There is no exception clause for divorce because of adultery here.  Adultery got the death sentence so Jesus’ referral to this law was not allowing divorce at all.  He was also condemning their practice of divorcing and remarrying as being contrary even to the Law of Moses that they were supposed to revere and practice.  That is why the disciples said it would be better to not marry at all if there was no divorce.  Jesus went on to say that if you can be celibate or a eunuch fine, but not all can do that.

  Besides the fact that adultery was punishable by death the Church cannot use this as grounds for divorce because we don’t follow that law anymore.  I bet there is no one in your Church or anyone you know whose parents have a wedding night cloth in their trunk or safe deposit box.  This is a great passage to prove no divorce is allowed at all but not that there is an exception.

  The core passages for the New Testament teaching on marriage and divorce I believe lie within 1 Corinthians 7.  Paul deals with several issues that covers that main scenarios experienced by people then and now.  The background of the book is that Paul is instructing a new church in all sorts of doctrine and lifestyle changes.  These are new converts and new converts normally have great zeal.  However zeal without knowledge can be as dangerous as knowledge without zeal.  

  Just becoming a Christian and turning from dead idols unto the living God was as big a change for a Gentile as being a Jew turning from the Old Covenant and accepting the New Covenant.  Both groups had misconceptions about things and wanted to hold on to some of the familiar and “Christianize” it or at least questioned why it was wrong to do or not do a particular act.  Just look at chapter 11 and see how they envisioned the Lord’s Supper to be a normal gluttonous, drunken feast only dedicated to Jesus instead of their old deities.  They had a lot to learn.

  Marriage and sex are huge areas of interest to both groups.  It could be said that Christianity was a bit of a sexual revolution in the eyes of these folks.  The Gentiles were usually very open to almost anything.  One need only read how the archaeologists who first found paintings of the early Canaanites vomited from the perversion depicted to know what kinds of stuff that even the sophisticated Greeks and Romans were up to doing.  Devout Jews at that time would be appalled at anything outside of monogamous relationships and non-reproductive acts.  Polygamy was not practiced among the Jews at this time whereas the Gentiles would have multiple wives or one wife for legal heirs and many concubines for affairs.

  I can imagine some pretty lively debates either privately or publicly about various aspects of marriage and sex.  God prompted a wise person to let the debate be made known to Paul and hence this chapter.

1 Cor 7:1-17

7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

  Right off this is where some would say that Paul was anti-woman because it sounds like a woman is dirty or less holy and to mess with one was not a good thing.  Paul was a dedicated man on a mission and like those types of men he did not like distractions and of course would have been thrilled to have more in the same calling and on the same mission.

It is easier for a single man or woman to be able to pack up at a moment’s notice and go where God might lead than the typical Baptist of today that has a wife, several kids, a house and all the paraphernalia that goes with the package.  The complete catastrophe as Zorba the Greek would say.  It is just better logistically to be a single soldier.  The Air Force told me that if the Government wanted me to have a wife they would have issued me one.  

  Paul is also as we shall see in later verses concerned about a period of trouble or persecution.  Whether God revealed it to him or he discerned the atmosphere around him does not matter really.  He knew something was on the way.  After all, he had been through some rough times already.  It is a lot easier to endure personal persecution than to have them torture and kill your family in front of you.  It is easier to run by yourself than to try and take others with you.  See Matthew 24.

2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

  Realizing that not everyone had the gift of celibacy that Christ spoke of Paul acknowledges that having a righteous outlet for the sexual drive is necessary.
3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.

  This is probably where the revolution begins.  Though the Song of Solomon and other literature spoke of romantic love, from what I have read of history in actual practice while the man may woo the woman romantically sex was mostly about reproduction and the man’s libido.  There wasn’t much written about the woman being in the mood or seeking sex for sex’s sake.  Often sex was routine like eating or sleeping for the woman.  Whenever the man was in the mood, she submitted.  Women also used their sexuality to gain power, position, or goods.  Some things never change.  Those issues are still common today.  Sadly, many wives are more like paramours or prostitutes bartering their assets rather than being lovers or they are treated like lust objects instead of rib gifts from God.  

  Jacob’s wives bartered for his services but they were looking for children to result as the primary reason for the evening’s activities.  It is reasonable to believe that women were as interested in the act and personal pleasure, but the emphasis was always on childbearing.  It is also reasonable to believe that most men found sex more pleasurable when their wives were a willing and active participant enjoying the intimacy as he was doing.  However, perfunctory sex would have been acceptable to the women because you had to have sex to conceive and they longed for conception maybe even more so than for affection or romance.  It was a different age and culture.  Ours is more about pleasure than children and more often than not selfish pleasure rather than mutual pleasure.

  Here Paul is saying that each must take the other’s desires and needs into account and meet those needs.  I am surprised that a blood test has not been developed to determine the level of sex drive a person has and then have it used as a method of determining capability in the Internet matchmaking sites.

  What do you do if a couple marries and he is a once a month type of lad and she is a three times a week person?  I once knew a man that just told his wife he needed intimacy at least three times a week and they scheduled the three days.  So much for romance and spontaneity, but if she was happy with that and it worked for them fine, but I would have loved to have gotten her side of the story and hear her needs.  I’m not the brightest bulb in the pack but I suspect hers were not even considered and not being met.

  Paul was saying that the power over the body of the mate was controlled by the other person.  The woman can’t have a headache every night and the man shouldn’t be trying for a world’s record.  They need to work out a loving compromise.  If that is a set schedule for Saturday night being the night, fine.  Flipping a coin or whatever works for both of them is OK, but each must consider the needs of the other one or disaster can happen.

  Now if you both say we have some serious needs to pray about or someone we know has such needs that we need to forgo physical pleasures in order to devote our energies to prayer and fasting that is just fantastic.  Such sacrificial prayer is commendable!  Set a time frame like three days or seven or whatever, but at the end of that time go out for a good dinner and then come home and feast at the banquet table of love.  

  Why?  Incontinency or lack of self-control is the issue.  If you have ever been on a diet you know the power of temptation when you deny yourself either a favorite treat or a whole category of foods.  If you aren’t really thinking about that denial constantly it seems that every TV ad or every conversation you have or overhear is about that item you denied yourself for the sake of losing weight.  That is why diets fail.  They are about extremes not balance and thus you lose the fight and binge until you are guilty or you give up completely.  

  If you use intimacy as a weapon or reward you in essence participate in prostitution.  If you see it as a duty and choose to be a good soldier only performing your duty you miss out on joy and unity that God would want you to have.  If you fail to see the importance of it as a means of keeping the bond fresh and strong you will put it on the back burner not knowing that you are fueling the flames of lust that might just break out when you least expect it because another person wanting the heat found the right button to press to release it.   

  While it usually happens most often to the one who enjoyed the intimacy, the one who thought that they didn’t enjoy or need it may also be the one shocked by their outburst of uncontrolled lust.  It is far easier to deny sexual urges as a virgin then to do so once those urges have experienced gratification.  Not impossible but more difficult.  Thus Paul is given permission by the Lord to instruct couples to see that each other’s needs are met.  If a person knows that they have a full course steak dinner waiting for them at home it will be more difficult to entice them with a greasy burger from some fast food place.  However, if they have been trying to get that steak defrosted for the last several months or longer their hunger may find that greasy burger irresistible.

  There will be some theologian or lawyer that will say that none of this chapter is really Scripture because Paul says that he is doing it by permission, not command.  Well, the issue came up and Paul sought the Lord’s permission to speak to the issue.  The Lord gave it and thus affirmed what Paul was going to say since God foreknew it.  There should be no issue of doubt here.  This is still Spirit controlled and God approved doctrine.

7 For I would that all men were even as I myself.  But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.


  Again Paul states that he would like to see men as he is, but understands that not all have that gift.  We must remember that Paul was married at one time.  He was a member of the Sanhedrin and you had to be married to be a member.  Since we have seen that divorce would not have been an option for him we can safely assume that she died.  Paul would understand the needs and loneliness that a widowed or single person might experience.  Yet, he knew that marriage could be worse thus he counseled them to stay as they were.  

  Sex comes back into the picture here.  If they cannot contain or control their sexual desires then they should marry.  It would be better to marry and have a righteous outlet for that desire than to burn.  Rather than let that small campfire turn into a raging forest fire bringing terrible destruction it is far better than to marry.

  Since we are about to leave the singles and talk about married folks for awhile this may be a good time to discuss singleness.  God said about Adam that it was not good for the man to be alone.  That has been used as a weapon against singles for generations, maybe even centuries.  It is not saying that every person must be married.  

  Christ spoke of some folks being single for life and Paul says that some have that gift.  If God allows for single servants, than so should the Church.  We tend to make people over a certain age feel like they have the plague or something if they are not married.  At times, I think it is because married folks are jealous and as we all know misery loves company.

  It is no sin to be single and while I would never go so far as the Catholics to demand singleness and celibacy to serve the Lord or give it a sense of a higher plane holiness than someone that is married there are advantages to being single.  Paul will speak to those advantages later but I don’t want a single person being depressed until we get there thinking they have to get married or else God can’t use them or they are some kind of freak.   

  I realize that we live in an age that if a man or woman is middle-aged, single, likes certain kinds of music, etc. that folks assume they must be homosexual especially if they are always seen with a friend of the same sex.  That is pretty much balderdash and stupid, but that is the age we are in.  Yet, I would not allow that to force me into a relationship that I am uncomfortable with and end up with a marriage from Hell.

  Parents, I know everyone wants grandchildren and we tend to push our kids into marriage for that purpose.  We say we want them to be happy but if they are happy single then be happy for them.  They may give you hundreds of spiritual grandchildren by their service to God.  If they married and could not have children and had a bad marriage would you be thrilled?  I hope not.  

  Sometimes I think young married women push their friends into marriage so that they can still hang out and not be afraid that the girlfriend will steal her husband.  I believe that the statistics are that more married women run off with someone’s husband than single women.  Single women usually see married men as a “safe” affair but if they are looking for a husband they do tend to look for someone already taken rather than someone single.  It seems that the old saying is true that the best men are already taken.  

   In the end, we do the person, the Church, and ourselves great harm if we do not accept a single person for who they are instead of what a good prospect for marriage they might be for your child or friend’s child.  

10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

  Here is a commandment, not a suggestion or a matter for consideration viewed in the perspective of grace.  No exception clause here, just a flat command.  Stay put.  God approved this discourse and it is in alignment with Mosaic Law and Christ’s teaching.  There should be no argument.

  Yet, if they depart they have two options, reconciliation, or celibacy/singleness until death.  Any marriage after that would be adultery, as God does not condone the divorce in this situation.

12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart.  A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband?  or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

  Paul again reiterates that what he is saying did not come from direct revelation of God, but we know God has permitted him to say it.  It does not conflict with any other Scripture and it is in agreement with God’s initial plan for marriage as well as God’s redemptive plan so it should not be dismissed or discounted as personal opinion.  Indeed, as a master teacher of the Law, Paul would be well versed to speak on the subject from his Hebrew background alone.  Now, as an Apostle who got one-on-one teaching for three years from the risen Christ in the wilderness he is even more qualified to speak to the issue.  Definitely far more qualified than our modern Scribes for sure.  

  It is understandable that with the teaching of separation from idols and the call for holiness that many might see themselves in an unholy union because while they became believers their spouses did not.  At least, yet, which is where Paul is going with this.

  New believers go through a lot of changes and make new decisions.  That is a normal part of conversion.  Sometimes they get carried away because of the zeal without knowledge I mentioned earlier.  They misunderstand a passage or misapply it and they get into all sorts of problems trying to do right.  That is one of the reasons you do not ordain a novice.  

  If the believing spouse was already unhappy he/she might see this as the perfect opportunity to leave as he/she in now a new creature in Christ and old things are passed away and all things have become new.  Or they could use what Paul wrote about what communion or concord has Christ with belial as an escape route.  The lost spouse is a child of the devil of course the marriage must end.  So they might think but at times we get into the worse trouble by thinking because we do not think things through.

  Paul also said to not be unequally yoked, but that applies to folks looking for a mate.  If you married to a lost person or one of the opposite faith and it doesn’t work out, which it normally doesn’t, that is not a means of divorce for the believer to correct the initial sin.

  Paul explains that the believing spouse may be the one to lead the other one to Christ.  The believer sanctifies the children and the unbelieving spouse.  They are now the salt and light in that person’s life and should not be running out.

  Now if the unbeliever departs the believer is free.  This does not mean that the believer makes the unbeliever so miserable that he has to go or go nuts.  This is God not punishing His kids for what the devil’s kids do.  If you are living up to Ephesians 5 and 1 Peter 3, in the case of a woman, and the unbeliever leaves then the believer is free to remarry.  There is no sin.  
  
17 But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk.  And so ordain I in all churches

  Here is where Paul deals with other issues that the new believers were jumping into in an effort to be holy or conform to what they felt Scripture was saying.  Paul was again saying stay put until you have some growth and wisdom.  Note there is not personal opinion/conviction or soul liberty here.  He ordains this for all churches and by extension for every believer.  Man, we hate that kind of talk in this culture.  We want our rights.  We lost those when we were saved and were bought with a price.

18 Is any man called being circumcised?  let him not become uncircumcised.  Is any called in uncircumcision?  let him not be circumcised.
19 Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but the keeping of the commandments of God.

  The Gentiles were uncircumcised and may have felt that they need to have this done or were told by Judaizers that it must be done to be saved or complete.  Paul fought this everywhere he went even though the Jerusalem Council said it was not needed.  So many saved Jews had trouble with some of the provisions of the New Testament in that they just couldn’t let some things go.  We see the same problem with the leaders of the Reformation that had trouble dropping much of the Catholic baggage that causes division today and has allowed bridges for their denominations to return to Rome.  Solomon said that there was nothing new under the sun.  

  It is easy for us to understand the let not a man become circumcised if he is not.  Becoming uncircumcised again raises some eyebrows.  Today that is surgically possible.  However, remember that rite is what separated the Jews from the Gentiles.  Thus he is really saying that you don’t have to try and become a Jew if you are a Gentile or cast off all of your Jewish background and become a Gentile now that you are saved.  As one of my professors would say, “Let’s not get crazy about this”.

20 Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called.

  Here is the core concept.  Don’t rush off making rash changes or get all upset if you can’t make some of the changes you want or you think you need to make.  Don’t volunteer to be a missionary three days after you are saved and expect to be there three weeks later.  Allow God to grow you and get to know His mind and then you will be able to make a sound decision.

21 Art thou called being a servant?  care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather.
22 For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord’s freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ’s servant.
23 Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men.

  Here is a touchy issue.  There were several kinds of servants in those days.  Some were those who were in deep debt and had someone pay the debt for them.  They became that person’s servant basically selling themselves into slavery.  Some were hired on a daily basis, but most were slaves.  The Romans had plenty of people that were defeated enemies that became slaves.  Slavery was a common practice in all nations.  Sadly, it is still prevalent in the world today.

  One beneficial thing about being a slave in any time period after Christ is that you would understand much of what the Word says about being in bondage to sin and all of Romans 6 and 7.  It would not be hard to accept the spiritual freedom offered by Christ.  It would also make you desire your personal freedom as well.  Since this might be a very difficult task a person might do some rash things to achieve freedom.

  Paul says to stay put.  Don’t do anything rash to gain freedom but if there is a means of securing it then use it.  As far as God is concerned man’s slave is His freeman and may well be used in that status for the Lord was well.  There was a man who sold himself into slavery so that he might be able to witness to the slaves in Jamaica.  What great love?  He did lay down his life for them.  

  Conversely, if the man is called in personal liberty he becomes the Lord’s servant.  Either position is a place where the Lord can use you because you are His.  As I said earlier we are bought with a price and we are not our own so in essence we are slaves, but bond slaves in that we wanted to be redeemed by the Blood!  Sadly, we do not live like He bought us, but more like we bought Him and He is at our beck and call rather than we His.

24 Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God.

  He reiterates the command to stay put.  Stay where God called you until He calls you elsewhere.  That is valid for today and we would be wise to heed it and teach it to our new converts as soon as we are able.  

25 Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful.
26 I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be.
27 Art thou bound unto a wife?  seek not to be loosed.  Art thou loosed from a wife?  seek not a wife.
28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned.  Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.

  No direct commandment, but still we know that he has permission to speak to these issues and he has good judgment.  He has the Holy Spirit and he is being used to write Scripture so this judgment call should be easy to accept as sound doctrine to be followed.

  Paul states that in this present distress it is good for a man to be single.  The Greek word for present also carries a connotation of impending so the distress is current and may continue for some time and may get worse.  In light of that being single is a good thing.

  He is again emphasizing staying put where you are if you are bond or loosed from a wife.  Remember we are speaking to new converts here.  This is important.  If you have a wife, then don’t seek to be loosed or divorced from her.  Art thou loosed/divorced don’t seek one.  But if you marry, you have not sinned.  The Greek word for loosed is the same used in Matthew 18:18 when it speaks of whoever sins we loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.  When a person is saved all things are under the blood and as far as God is concerned the old man and all that pertains to him is dead.  He only sees the new creature.  The person may have physical disabilities caused by sin and man may not be as ready to forgive and forget but God does.  They carry no scarlet D with them in this life or into eternity.  Clean is clean.
  
  Some might say that it means a widower.  Well, then Paul was telling the lads that are married not to kill their wives to be loosed from them.  By the context of the passage he is talking about divorce.  There is no question that a widower could remarry.  They could fall under this instruction but it seems a much stronger a case for a divorced man as the primary addressee of the passage with the widower as a secondary application of the primary injunction.

  Again, just because you are saved doesn’t mean you need to run out and get a wife now thinking you need to or maybe this one will work out whereas the other one did not.  Divorced people have baggage and just because they were saved last week doesn’t mean they dropped all their baggage at the Cross.  Their sins were forgiven but they have a lot to learn so a quick marriage to a saved person is not going to solve their problems when they have not yet learned to drop their baggage at the Cross.  Yet, if they go ahead and do it they have not sinned, but like the virgins they will have trouble in the flesh.  The virgins will especially have trouble if they married the lad with all the baggage and I have seen such cases in my ministry.  Paul wanted to spare them that trouble and I agree!

29 But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none;
30 And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not;
31 And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away.

  We are back to the distress issue.  There comes a time when what is the normal routine of life has to be put on a back burner or in a bottom drawer.  We need to focus on spiritual things and use the fashion of this world and its affairs when we absolutely must but our main drive and desires cannot be in this world.  It may be because of their present or impending persecution or the Lord was allowing this to be written for those of us living in the last days.

  For people who sing, “this world is not my home, I’m just passing through” we are dug in awfully deep.  If we could not leave in the Rapture if we were in debt over a certain amount few of us would be going.  If it were possible at the Rapture to look back most of us would fall back out of the sky as pillars of salt from bemoaning our “losses”.  I wonder if that is why He chose to take us out in a twinkling of an eye versus slow motion so all the world could see us leave.  

32 But I would have you without carefulness.  He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin.  The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.

  Here is the application of what he has been saying, so singles take note.  A single man or woman only has to care about what the Lord wants and how to please Him.  Once you get married you have another person’s desires to consider.  You can’t just up and go off on a mission trip for two weeks if all you get is two weeks vacation from your job and your spouse wants to spend those two weeks in Virginia not the Virgin Islands.  You can’t decide to give an extra thousand dollars to missions this year if your spouse wants a new car or computer.  You have to consider their desires.  Need I elaborate on the needs of the other spouse if you have children?  Things can get a little hectic and crazy being married and you can miss opportunities to serve or the still small voice of God in the midst of the hullabaloo.  

  There are great husband and wife teams in ministry but often one person is more dedicated to service than the other one.  This can lead to strife and conflict.  One of the many reasons you need to pick a spouse very carefully or it can be a miserable life.  Paul didn’t point out the handicaps of marriage to bring them down or to be mean.  He wanted to point out honorably/comely that a single person can do much more service for God without distraction.

  One more time that does necessitate the gift to be celibate.  If you stay single to serve God but all you can think about is intimacy or children then you are still distracted and subject to burning.  Get married!  

36 But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry.
37 Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well.
38 So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.

  Here is a passage that I really wish the practice would come back into vogue.  It is where we get the custom of having the suitor ask the father for the hand of his daughter.  In those days, if Dad said no to a suitor it was no and if he decided to never say yes the daughter stayed home as a virgin or old maid.  

  With all the disasters that I have seen and heard about marriages for love lasting for six months or less, arranged marriages look pretty good.  Too often young folks look for all the wrong things or what should be the peripheral things in a spouse and leave what should be a necessity or priority off the checklist.  

  Parents tend to look for more than just a pretty face in a mate for their child.  They do background checks in their own way and Dad’s have a fairly good radar about the lads courting their daughters and Mom’s pick out a hussy trying to snag their baby boy pretty quickly.  Parents will look objectively at the big picture trying to makes sure that their child’s puppy love doesn’t lead to a junk yard dog’s life.  

  While it is fine for a man to have his daughter marry, it is better if he doesn’t.  Remember that we are looking at a time of distress in this passage and as he said, for that time singleness is a good thing for both man and woman.  Besides, there are worse things than dying an old maid or bachelor.  A bad marriage is a whole lot worse because for two Christians there is no divorce so it can be a long sad life if you mess up.

39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.
40 But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.  KJV

  Paul speaks to widows here.  In I Timothy 5 he does encourage younger widows to marry because they will want children and intimacy.  They are not ready to be alone.  Those sixty and older and widows indeed are to be cared for by the church and these ladies will dedicate the rest of their lives to God in some form of service.  

  While Paul says that they are better off to stay single in this time of distress they are perfectly free to marry, but to another Christian.  There is to be no unequal yoke.  Well, there was a lot in this chapter so let me summarize the points about divorce.

  A Christian should never initiate divorce.  They can separate for a while and seek reconciliation but if they divorce they are never to remarry.  Jesus does not divorce us for untold counts of sin which are acts of spiritual adultery and we are to be as Him in dealing with our spouse.  There is no exception clause for the Christian.  It is until death do we part.

  If a Christian deliberately marries an unsaved person they are bound until death.  They cannot right the sin later by adding another sin of divorce.  If the unbeliever departs after the believer has done everything righteously possible to prevent it then the saved person is free to remarry.  God does not punish His kids for what the devil’s kids do.  If two lost people are married and one gets saved the saved one must stay with the lost one as salt, light and a witness for that person.

  If a divorce happens before salvation it is under the blood.  The old man is dead and all that pertains to that old man is gone.  God only sees the new creature and that new creature is single.  However, that person should allow God to bring healing and growth into their life before they think about marriage yet if they marry they have not sinned.

  Marriage is a serious thing.  It is not to be taken lightly.  Just as Paul said that if you do not have the gift to stay single it is better to marry than to burn but if you do not have the gift to say “until death do we part” and mean it then it is better for you to stay single.  There is no sin in singleness and you would do better to serve the Lord without the distraction of marriage then to enter into that vow or covenant and not keep it.  Let they who have an ear hear.  Maranatha!