Expert: Cooper P. Abrams III - 2/6/2005

Question
If a marriage has never been consumated--is it still a biblical marriage?
My husband passed away 5 years ago.  I remarried 2 1/2 years ago.  I had no reason to doubt that we wouldn't have a normal, healthy physical relationship.  My husband came into this marriage knowing he had a physical problem and never told me.  On our wedding night--he was tired.  The next night--some other excuse...and on and on.  I have stayed in the "marriage" because I am an independent fundamentalist and know how our church feels about divorce.  
I am most unhappy.  Because this marriage hasn't come together on the physical level--we have never made love--had intercourse--it hasn't come together on any level--emotional, spiritual, financial.  We have never become "one" in any aspect of the marriage.  I feel like I am living with an uncle or brother.  The worst part is, my husband is content to live like this.  I can't.  
I battle the spiritual side of this daily.  
I need to know if there is a way to end the marriage, without feeling like I'm committing a sin.
I appreciate your counsel.

Answer
Darlene,
   My response to your request for counsel will be to give you what the Bible says, but as a disclaimer I cannot advise you to divorce your husband or remain with him.

   1 Corinthians 7:3-6 says,  "Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment."

   The phrase "render unto the wife due benevolence" is clearly a reference to conjugal cohabitation made due by the marriage contract.  The next verse says plainly the wife does not have power over her body, but her husband.  In other words, one without the other,  realizes the perfect ideal of marriage.

    Verse 5 says the neither marriage partner should "defraud" the other in their conjugal duties unless they mutually agree because of fasting. But it says after fasting they should "come together."   The Greek word "apostereo" means to "defaud" as our KJB accurately translates,  meaning something that is kept back by fraud.

    Thus it seems clear that the Bible is saying that husbands and wives have conjugal duties to each other in  a marriage.  

    Marriage is a contract between a man and a woman in which certain things are agreed.  Vows are openly and equally agreed to.   Both parties are to honestly and openly enter into the contract being in agreement.   If one party enters the contract in bad faith, or does not honor agreement,  that is fraud, and the contract is null and void.  

    I understand that in most states a marriage may be legally annulled if the marriage has not been consummated, which means there has been not sexual intercourse. Without consummation there has been no marriage, unless both parties agree that is a term of the marriage which you have stated was not agreed to.   I would check with a lawyer or legal adviser about the law  concerning this in your state.

    Certainly, God disapproves of divorce, but if there has been no marriage,  my best understanding is that biblically this prohibition against divorce does not apply if the marriage is not consummated.   

    I hope this helps you sort this out and gives you a biblical and legal option.  It is not a matter of you sinning.

    If you have further questions or comments please write.

 Cooper Abrams
 Romans 12:1-2
 Bible-truth.org