Expert: Bret Temple - 11/14/2009

Question
My husband is an assistant coach for my son's (5 yrs) basketball team. My son isn't the best player, doesn't follow the game very well but can dribble and make some pretty good shots (when he's focused). He's very tall for his age but not very aggresive. My husband gets "obviously" upset when my son doesn't do well. You can see & feel how upset he is. My son needs motivation but my husbands doesn't quite know how to encourage my son. I had to go over in the middle of the game to tell my husband to change his attitude and "coach" the other players. It was embarrassing to see my husband act this way. He got angry with my son b/c he got hurt and starting crying and didn't want to play anymore. Any suggestions on motivation techniques or how to turn a player's attitude around when they are having a rough time?

Answer
HI Myra,

To be honest, at 5 years old, nobody should be getting angry at the kids. They should be out there to have fun and begin learning the game.  However, as a referee who has officiated kids at that level, I see parents and coaches get frustrated all the time. It's very difficult for a parent to not become emotionally involved in their kid especially as a coach. When I began playing sports at that age, I was very shy, not aggressive at all, and really not very interested in playing. As I got older, I matured and became a really good athlete. Most of it has to do with self confidence and maturity at that age. Sometimes, being coached by their own parent is not the best idea. It may not hurt to practice with your son away from the team at home or at the park, and help him one on one if he wants to. If not, DO NOT force it. If he continues to enjoy playing, like I mentioned before, he might do better if he is coached by someone else. Good Luck.