Expert: Mark Berrier - 11/22/2003

Question
There is a girl on my team, who always cries and never trys at practice. We have to have even minutes when we play, But my whole team doesnt think that it is fair that we try really hard and she doesnt and we still get the same minutes. What should my team-my do?

Answer
Hello Jaimie!

There are some circumstances that each and every team goes through during a season. These things build dreams, hope, and character. If everything was a given and perfect, then there would be no reason to play a single game because you would already know the outcome, right? You can only change you. Or is that really the case?

This is a small obstacle. Forget about things you cannot change. You cannot change the fact that this player must play. That's a given. You cannot change the fact that she is emotional. That's a given. But you can change the way your teamates and yourself respond. She is probably frustrated. And when she gets frustrated she tends to get emotional. What you and your teamates should be doing is responding in a different way.

Instead of grumbling over her playing time and emotions, pat her on the back and encourage her. Uplift instead of tear down. Promote openess and happiness instead of barking at her for crying. Make her feel like a part of the team rather than an outcast. She cannot help her situation if everyone on the team is mad at her. You can be the one that turns that around. If you don't help her, only more frustration will take place. The whole team will hate her and all you will be doing is making the team more focused on her than what you should be focused on. And that's the game. Help the team and her by being more positive and get rid of all the negativity. Tell her it's ok to make a mistake. Haven't you made a mistake? What would happen if the whole team was mad at you? Would you be frustrated? Maybe that's what she is going through.

A great saying I always use is, "How can you expect different results by doing the same things over and over?". Well, if you and your teamates act differently do you think there would be a different outcome? It's up to you and your teamates.

I hope this helps.

Good luck, Mark Berrier