AboutPatricia Ireland-Williams Expertise I am a retired K-12 Public School Principal (23 years), a teacher and counselor(8 years) and an educational consultant. I can help parents with questions about how the system works, provide ideas on how to solve school issues or assist teachers in coping with the plethera of stressors they face. I am currently an educational consultant and have served on the State of Arizona Solutions Team.
Experience B.A. Secondary Education
M.A. in Counseling
M.A.+ Administration
Question Hello Ms. Williams,
We recently moved across the country (from east coast to west coast). My oldest son has just begun full-day kindergarten. He has had a difficult time transitioning, and I am concerned about his behavior in kindergarten, as I was called in for a meeting with him and his teacher after school yesterday. My biggest concern is his choice in friends. My son is a kind, bright, respectful, compassionate child. He has chosen, however, to become buddies with a certain child in the class who isn't necessarily the best influence. My son even expressed to me one day that his teacher told him not to hang out with this child, because he keeps "getting him in trouble." I volunteer in my son's classroom once a week, where I am able to observe this particular child. He has frequent outbursts in class, speaks out of turn, blatantly disrespects the teacher, etc. It is obvious that this child has no structure (and possibly not much love) coming from home, but I am frustrated that my child is suffering because of his choice to befriend this particular child. I don't feel as though I can forbid my 5 year old from playing with another child, but I also fear that the more this friendship flourishes, the more "after school meetings" and possibly trips to the principal's office may lie ahead. Do you have any ideas or suggestions as to how my husband and I can work on this issue?
Answer Kristen,
I believe that it IS your right as a parent to choose who your child spends time with in that as a young child he most likely does not have the perceptual ability to make decisions about character issues.
I encourage you to continue volunteering in the classroom. This is great support for your child as well as others.
I would continue to work with the teacher and request that she/he introduce your child to a few other classmates who are positive role models and that when groups are made, try to see that your child is not in the same group as the child who is a negative influence.
I would also suggest that you talk candidly with your son regarding this choice and help him understand that he needs to avoid students who are not well behaved (kids understand the concept of "kids that don't get in trouble or who do not follow the rules"). Explain that you want him to play with kids that do follow the rules and those who do not get in trouble.
