Expert: Patricia Ireland-Williams - 11/30/2011

Question
I want to ask how to tackle the problem of a teacher who my daughter had a run in with. Basically my daughter who is 6yrs old spoke to a teacher in school impolitely saying that miss you are rude for not stopping children from calling her cousin who is in the same school names. My daughter was sticking up for her cousin who is being referred to by names she does not like but who is not saying it for themselves, the cousin is 5years old. The teacher was shocked by the way my daughter spoke to her and instead of asking for an apology for not speaking politely actually called my daughter rude and said she is lying without getting info from her cousin. I emailed the teacher, saying she should have found out first if my daughter was lying and not jump to conclusions to which i got a reply saying that I condone my daughters rudeness to her and the teacher did nothing to address the fact that she lied to my daughter about not knowing the problem with the cousin, saying that why have I not raised my child properly. I found out that a different teacher kept my daughter behind at break the following day to write an apology but did nothing about calling  her a liar. I don't know whether to go in and see the teacher to talk it out or go straight to the principal. Should not the teacher address the way my daughter spoke herself instead of colleagues getting involved? Please could you advise.

Answer
I would definately schedule a conference with the teacher in order to discuss your concern.  If that discussion does not clarify the issue, then the Principal should be involved.

Before that I would also strongly encourage you to speak to your daughter about being rude to others no matter what age they are.  The teachers are in charge of the children and a child telling a teacher what he/she should do is unacceptable, especially since she was speaking to the teacher about another child.  The 5 year old (even if it is a cousin)needs to learn to take care of her/his own issues without someone else intervening.  Most name calling is a two way street and both parties are often equally involved.  The teacher is charge should be dealing with this issue directly if she observed it.

In terms of another teacher getting involved, that is not uncommon in that behavior rules are often reinforced by fellow staff members in the school.

I trust that your situation is handled in a professional manner and that your daughter learns a valuable lesson from this unfortunate situation.  

Patricia