Expert: Marilyn Robb - 1/25/2012

Question
My five year old grandson was suspended from school (kindergarten) yesterday because of zero tolerance policy. From what I understand he pushed another boy to the ground. His behavior was obviously wrong, however, I fail to see how suspending this child is going to teach him anything. He already dislikes school and even though I was told "he was spending the time he would have been in school sitting on his bed" I am sure he doesn't mind missing school.  My son recently had him evaluated and he was diagnosis with ADHD.  He has not been medicated yet, however, that has been the recommendation and my son plans on following through with it.  My grandson is very bright, this was also pointed out as part of his evaluation.  He writes short sentences on his own and can read most site words already.  I am concerned that he has already been labled and written off by his teacher most definitely and by the school most likely. To make matters worse I am only the grandmother and really don't have any say in the matter.  What is your take at suspending a five year old for pushing? If you have any suggestions on how I could help I would appreciate them.  I am worried about his self esteem and of him forming an even more negative view of school.

Answer
Hello Karen
Thank you for your question. I am sorry you and your grandson are having such challenges. The truth is that a lot of what happens to him and for him depends on the school system, the personnel he is dealing with and their attitudes and perspectives on ADHD and other behavioural issues in children.

The best you can do is be an ally to him as he goes through whatever will come- be a positive force in his life, keep reminding him that he is smart, a good human being and there is nothing wrong with him. Provide him with constant contradictions to the messages he may get that may cause him to develop a self-concept that is not very positive.
An additional alternative, if possible, is to solicit the help and support of an advocate- someone who will fight for him in the school system. There are people who take this on. I believe if you go to the internet and search you will find a lot of resources on this topic to help you deal with it and you may even be directed where to find an advocate. It would be good for you to arm yourself with reliable information so you could also counter all the arguments that may be put forward as to why he should be on medication or in some special classroom environment.
Hope this helps
Good luck
Marilyn Robb