Expert: Mel - 10/18/2008

Question
QUESTION: Throughout the series, "I love you" was often exchanged in the relationships between Brenda and Dylan and similarly, Kelly and Brandon.  However, I can't recall or remember one instance where Kelly and Dylan exchanged "I love you"s.  Is this true?  He often tells her she's beautiful or sexy - but never "I love you".  Why do you think this is?  With all the passion and intensity in their relationship - is it really possible?"

ANSWER: Hi Madison,

No, it's not possible.  Not really.  The notion that Dylan and Kelly love each other/are in love is repeatedly enforced by action and dialogue throughout the series, making it the unquestionable reality of the show for fans and non-fans alike.  But we rarely see them exchange those three words with each other on screen.  Instead, he'll tell her that she's the only inspiration left in his life.  She'll tell him that he's the first guy to take her seriously/teach her self-respect in the context of a romantic relationship.  Still, there are at least 14 episodes involving them both where 'love' is included in their dialogue and at least partially, if not wholly, directed at them.  I was actually already in the process of compiling this information when I received your question, so I'm able to give you 37 episodes worth of instances to consider.  

What I've noticed is that several love references (and years) go by before the moment is ever treated as if it weren't already a given that they love each other and it therefore doesn't need to be addressed as a turning point that could change plotlines. This is why the scene in which Kelly visits Dylan at rehab, S5 ("Under the Influence", 5x13), stands out.  It's probably the main 'I love you' remark that gets remembered.  Dylan references the end of S3 (circa "Senior Poll") as a point in time where he was already in love with her, and she acknowledges how she got past her insecurities over whether it was true.  Kelly knows that Dylan is still in love with her, he suspects that she's not over him (and the audience knows this to be true), but even here there's no straight 'I still love you'/'Oh, I still love you too' line exchange.  Context is important.  The implications I stated above are not subtle in any way.  The sentimental music swells, Dylan's too pained to look her in the eye, Kelly had been daydreaming of a reunion with Dylan just a few scenes before, but the fact remained that she was not single.  So they don't speak of being presently in love with such literal evidence.  Fortunately for drama, statements are only one piece of the picture, at times unnecessary or even false.  Here, their connection is brought up to make us wonder if she'll break up with Brandon for Dylan, now that he's getting himself sober and implying he wants her back (“I realize a lot of my problems started right when I lost you”). It was a new tension because Dylan was her first on-screen boyfriend.  When she broke up with him for John Sears back in S4, we did get indirect love references upon their reunion.  

Also in S4, we got the more cut-and-dry 'I love you's over the phone, always stated as if they say it all the time to each other in private (i.e., no 'first time' shyness).  No big deal is made because the big deal already happened.  Other statements of equal merit have been used to establish a connection, so there's no surprise for the audience.  Thus, we don't remember these small references well and they aren't typically used to validate the relationship.

When the show was first broadcast, I never even thought about 'I love you's between Dylan and Kelly because I found them unnecessary and, moreover, not very fitting for how the couple was presented, despite their being in love.  We didn't get to see the first moment they say "I love you", but we also didn't get to see their first kiss or (debatably) the first time they have sex.  Still, these moments happened and the cabana kiss is famous in part because it wasn't shown.  The audience was asked to use their imagination.  Details of the moment remain unclarified, and I think it works well that way.  Some would even consider it to be better writing.  

Besides this, Dylan and Kelly are very private people when it comes to matters of the heart.  Neither are one to 'kiss and tell', as stated many times, and the entire crux of their draw towards each other in S3 relies on the need to break away from their respective reputations at school and foster something sacred and untouched with one another.  There's a delicate/tentative nature to it, especially from Kelly's end, where the emotions are so new. In this way, not being privy to all their private moments actually enhanced my sense of intimacy for the couple.  I think that's what the writer's were going for, honestly.  My impression was never borne of wishful thinking and fabrication, but rather the only emotionally logical ways I could foresee the gaps between scenes being filled.  For instance, between the time Dylan vows that he could be celibate with Kelly to assure her that he's not in it for sex and the time of the high school prom, where they're back to making out and talking about spending entire days in bed together, I know that they've made love.  And it wouldn't make sense for the next time to not have been a heartfelt event, though we didn't see it.  

Even if it were revealed that he never told her he loved her in S3, I would have an explanation.  Namely, that he might have figured saying the phrase directly to Kelly would scare her, since her relationship with him and the prospect of something real already did. Note the way she tries to break up with Dylan in "Senior Poll" the minute things get difficult, as if she's trying to reject him before he can reject her (as she assumes he will).  And this was hardly the first time Kelly had tried to end things or deny the importance of their connection against contrary evidence.  But one can also assume that Dylan had taken a leap of faith because that's what he was asking Kelly to do in loving herself and loving him, so how could he not participate?

This is their dance.  They are "that" couple - the bickering, angst-ridden kind, equally epic, where the guy (more often than not) is forever trying to get the girl to admit and give into her feelings.  It's a classic scenario.  We've seen it on TV, in movies, and in plays countless times.  It's more 'Gone With the Wind' than 'Romeo and Juliet'.  And also, fitting the style of Rick and Ilsa in "Casablanca", the film romance that was integrated into the Dylan/Kelly plotline right from the outset, however cheesy it may be.  Bottom line, if someone challenges your concept of things and/or emotional comfort zone, you react passionately and defensively.  And Dylan challenged Kelly, at the very least.  So, in some way, it would be downright against type for Kelly to drape him in lavish "I Love You"'s before the final curtain call.  They have this distinct mark for a reason.  After all, they ended up together.  The dramatic potential is greater than if they always said exactly how they feel.


Onto the quotes, which take into account only the times where "love" is mentioned in relation to them.  Times when they "care about" each other, have "strong feelings", address their "connection" or following of the heart, claim they’re soulmates, 'propose'/openly don't want the other to marry, express their need for each other or ability to uniquely understand, or state appreciation for their friendship are not included.  Also, any action that would demonstrate how much they mean to each other.   

[B=Brenda, Bn=Brandon, Dy=Dylan, K=Kelly, D=Donna, M=Matt, G=Gina, V=Valerie, S=Steve, Dd=David, A=Andrea]


3x02

Dy: “Go on.  Just, uh, don’t fall in love over there, okay?”
B: “That goes for you too.”

>> This has big implications, especially considering they both have subsequent affairs and the similarly direct statement from Kelly, "Hey, maybe I'll even get together with you", is used in the same episode to put her summer story with Dylan in motion.  


3x07

Dd: (to K) “Are you in love with Dylan or something?”


3x09

B:  (over phone) “And Dylan ... I love you.”
Dy: (pulling phone away, looking to K) “ ... I love you.”

>>Somewhat debatable intent, but a heavily played up scene not meant to be overlooked.


3x12

K: “Meeting someone isn’t my problem.  I meet people everyday.  I just fall in love with the wrong ones.”
Jackie: “Well, take it from someone who’s been married five times: You can’t always control who you fall in love with.”
K: (about Dy) “What do you do if it’s somebody you can’t have?”


3x16


B: (about her and K, K present) “Dylan, we both love you.”

Dy: (about B and K, B/K present)  “I think I love you both.”  


3x19

K: “I can’t believe Dylan and I are finally together.”
Jackie: “Well, at least one of us is lucky in love.”
K: “Yeah, I guess so.”


3x20

B: (to Iris, about Dy) "Great.  And he thanks me by falling in love with my best friend."


4x03

B: “Well, I loved Paris.  And it must be incredible when you’re there with someone you love.”
Dy: (small laugh) “I don’t know about that.  I knew we were in trouble on the Left Bank.  Kelly had dragged me into like the twentieth shoe store of the day and I just snuck out to find Balzac’s house.”  

>>By the laws of grammar, he just acknowledged that Kelly is someone he loves.  And Brenda had no reservations about putting his relationship with Kelly in those terms.


4x04

Over the phone, Dylan tells Kelly that he doesn’t want to go to Steve’s disco party.

Dy: “Do you hate me?”
K:  (smiles) “Yes, I hate you.  But I love you more.”
Dy: “Good.”

>>Our first actual exchange (that we see).  


4x06

K: “Well, my love life is a mess, as usual.”
D: “I thought you liked John Sears.”
K: “I do.  The timing just couldn’t be worse.  I mean, the night I break up with Dylan, he gets car-jacked.”

>>If Dylan were just part of her sex life instead of her love life, the reference wouldn't work.


4x07

K: “Andrea, sometimes you’re not supposed to think things through so much.  You just have to follow your heart.”
A: “Well, that’s just it.  I mean, I thought I might be in love with him, but [...]
[...]
A: “How long is it supposed to take before I feel the earth move?”
K: “Just give it some time.”
A: “What, practice makes perfect?”
K: (smiles) “Maybe.”
A: “I don’t know.  I think if you don’t have the sparks in the beginning of a relationship, maybe there never will be any.”
K: “Well, you never know.  I mean, look at Dylan and me.  We have all the sparks in the world, and we still can’t make it work.”

>> More about Andrea, of course, but why would she come to Kelly about matters of chemistry and being in love if she thought that Kelly had never been in love?  Dylan is her first serious on-screen relationship, the one she's currently connected with, and the one they discuss in relation to her.  Plus, their reunion is approaching.


4x08

K: (to Dy, pointedly) “You know, you can’t always choose who you fall in love with, now can you? Adios ...”

>>She gives emphatic facial expressions to suggest she's talking about them in early S3, when being together constituted the betrayal of other people.


4x09

Dy: “Let me ask you something, Nat.  I’ve been with a lot of girls.  Why is it the only two I ever loved are running around with total dirtbags?”  (Brenda/Stuart, Kelly/John)


4x10

Dy: “The girl in the poem, I mean, she obviously knows how difficult it is to open your heart to another human being.  That’s why she’s skittish.   How do you know that, one day, your girlfriend, she’s not gonna tell you that she looooves you and then you turn around the next day and she’s running around with some geek from the KEG House?”

>>Kelly was running around with some geek from the KEG House, meaning she was also one to tell him that she looooved him.  Or at least Dylan believes she does, which we can assume has a foundation.  


4x13

K: “Oh, it’s this article I’m reading.  They did a study on children of divorce.  In one group, the parents had shared custody.  In the other group, only one parent had custody.”
Dy: “Kinda like Erin.”
K: “Yeah, Erin, and me, too.  The thing is that the kids who went back and forth actually learned that their parent’s love would be there even when they weren’t.”
Dy: “Hm.”
K: “Guess I’m still working on that.”
Dy: “Yeah, aren’t we all?”
K: “You know, if you hadn’t come to the car wash, that would have been okay.”
Dy: “Well ...”
K: “You know, last night when we were together, I really liked hearing about the rest of your day, too.   I guess what I’m getting at is .... we don’t have to spend every waking hour together to be a couple.”
Dy: “Eloquently put.”

>> A very clear connection drawn between recognizing a parent's love will still be there and a partner's love will still be there, though no direct statement.  The fact that they love each other is already integral.  


4x15

Dy: “Anyway, I just called to wish you luck.”
K: “Thanks.  I love you.”
Dy: “Alright.  You too.”


4x18

K: (phone) “Dylan, hi, it’s me.  Uh, look, do me a favor and leave a key under the mat.  I’m  going to have to stay at your house tonight. For a while, actually.  Hope that’s okay.  Love you.  Bye.”

>>Just a general note that these phone "I love you"'s come easily and naturally.  I doubt Kelly would be surprising him (at random) with the things she can't say in person.  And Donna's there in this scene, not looking shocked at all.  In my book, “you too” is reciprocation.


5x09

K: “Look, Dylan.  I know we didn’t have the easiest time together, but at least when you were sober you had more dignity than the guy I found licking salt off the neck of a glorified hooker.  What, did you do that to humiliate me?  To pay me back for falling in love with someone else?”

>>The key word being "else", for our purposes.  Implication: she had fallen in love with him prior to this.  


5x10

V: (to K, about Dy) “… You still love him, don’t you?”

>>Silence like the kind she gave Val would be admissible as a 'yes' in any court.


5x13

Dy: “I was thinking of coming a long way from the girl who thought the only reason I fell in love with her was because she was voted … ‘Most Beautiful’.”
K: (smirks) “Yeah, I guess somehow I got past that.”
Dy: “… Most beautiful or not, I’d have fallen in love with you either way, Kel.”


5x21

Finley: (about Dy) “He loves you, Kelly.”
K: “I know.”

K:  (to Dy) “Ever since that day you stood up for me at the Peach Pit, I’ve wanted to hold you, and love you, and let our paths evolve.”

>>These cannot be ruled out simply because Kelly was under the influence of a cult.  As Patrick Finley exclaims later, "It's not as though I had to twist your arm, Kelly."  In the first quote, he hadn't told her any new information about Dylan yet.  Beyond all this, Kelly hugs and apologizes to Dylan once she rejects The New Evolution because she knows his emotional state of being in love with her was just played upon and now she's going back to her boyfriend.


5x29

Dy VO: (about Billy) “There were lots of lazy picnics by the pond that summer … where she would read to him from the scriptures and fill his heart with hope.  And eventually, love.”

K: (to Billy) “But these people from your past, they never met the man I love.”

>>Dylan's visions of himself in a past life reflect the way he feels about the people in his current life and the role they once played/he wishes they'd play (and he therefore believes are capable of playing).  


5x30

Dy: “I know you love her, Brandon.  But me and Kelly, we’re connected in a way that you will never understand. ... Ever.”

Bn: “Are you in love with him?”
K:  (in acknowledgment) “I still have feelings for him.”

K: (to Donna) “I love Brandon, with all my heart, but with Dylan ... I don’t know. It’s like he’ll always have a piece of my soul.”

D: “Why does it always have to be so hard?”
K: “Because we don’t fall in love with fantasies.  We fall in love with real people.”
[...]
D: (about Bn and Dy) “But you love them anyway.”
K: “Yeah.”

K: (to Bn and Dy) “You guys have made my life very difficult the past few days.  Cause I love you both.  You may not believe that, but it’s true.”

K: (to Bn and Dy) “I’ll love you both till the day I die.”

>>In the 'You love her, but'/'I love him, but' scenes, Dylan and Kelly's relationship is presented as one worthy enough to equal or surpass the one in which she freely admits her love.  And then this is proven with her decision to "choose me".  Which is no surprise, given her own love confessions in the same scene.


6x11

K:  (about Dy) “Brandon, you’re not the only one who misses him.”
Bn: “Sorry.  It’s just that I’ve been coming here all week, checking his messages and getting his mail … I don’t think he’s ever coming back.  … So why do I bother?”
K: “Because you’re his friend and you love him.  And that’s not ever going to change for you or for me.”


7x07

K: (to Donna and Clare) “I’ve only loved two guys in my life – Brandon and Dylan – and this guy seems to be a nice blend of both of them.”


7x26

V: (to Bn) “Well, at least now you know.  Kelly still loves Dylan.”

K: “You think I’m still in love with Dylan?”
Bn: “Yeah.  Yeah, I do.”

>>Even though these are statements of assumption, it shows that Kelly is willing to put her relationship with Dylan in those terms and that everyone around her does so as well, to say nothing of their easy belief in the likelihood that she's still in love with him.  


9x14

M: (hearing K talk about Dy) “I’m beginning to feel like I wandered into an episode of ‘Joanie Loves Chachie’.”  


9x18

Dy: “Make no mistakes, Kel.  I would do anything to get Antonia back.  When you know that there’s an end, you, uh … it allows you to orchestrate and say the things you always wanted to say.  Wouldn’t you want that?”
K: “With who?”
Dy: “With somebody that you once loved.  Who meant a lot to you and then, for whatever reason, just wasn’t there anymore.”
[Next Dy/K scene, they make love]

>>The responding action is what makes this relevant, of course, but I felt I could include it on this list because it would be nothing without the love reference discussed between them just beforehand. In other words, it's theirs.  It becomes theirs.   


9x24

Dy: “He loves you and you love him.  It was difficult for me to see that.  A connection.”
K: “I’m sure if the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t have been able to push ‘play’.”
Dy: “It’s not the same with me and Gina.  It’s different.  You’re lucky.  You found someone that makes you happy.  I wish it was me.”

>>Ah, so Kelly knows what it's like to be in the situation where if the roles were reversed she would not be able to expose herself to a tape that reveals Dylan in love with someone else.  


10x07

Pastor Neal: (to Dy) “Now you’re here again, to see the sunset with Kelly, who obviously loves you very much.”


10x12

D: “Okay, what about Dylan?  Last week, you were talking about committing to him.”
K: “Okay, stop.”
D: “You know he loves you.”


10x13

K:  (about Dy) “Do you think he’s really happy for me?”
D: “You mean do I think he loves you enough to let you go?”


10x17

Dy: (to G) “You heard the man.  Life’s about love, faith, family … I don’t have any of those. […] I gotta stay.”

K: “About us being in this really weird place, I don’t want that.”
Dy: “Neither do I.”
K: “Think we can get out of it?”
Dy: “I hope so.  It’s one of the reasons I stayed.”

>>The preamble to this is Dylan staring at Kelly outside the church as he talks about finding closure, love, faith, and family.


10x21

Girl: (about him and M) “So, are you two like best friends?”
Dy: “No, we’re in love with the same woman.”


10x25

K: (about Dy) “I was so scared, I couldn’t breathe.  I just kept hearing his name over and over, like, screaming in my head.”
D: “That doesn’t sound like fear.  It sounds like love.”
K: “Yeah.  I know that now.”


10x27

M: (to K) “I saw you … and Dylan.  Heard your readings.  I’m glad I did.  Cause now I realize that the connection you guys have - it isn’t unhealthy, after all.  I don’t know how I could have missed it, although I was probably just too scared to look.  Standing there in back of the church listening to you talk about loving with – what was it – the breath, smiles, and tears of life?  Even I couldn’t miss that.“


And, if you count the 90210 spinoff:


1x04

B: (to K) "You're never gonna be happy with somebody else because you're still in love with Dylan!"



Thanks for the question!

All the best,

Mel


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Mel - thank you so much for that detailed response!  I completely agree with your assessment and never had doubt that Kelly and Dylan indeed were in love and loved each other.  I just couldn't recall very specific instances where they exchanged full "I love you"s (whereas Bn/K and Dy/B used to do it so often) - but you're right and put it so well - it's not the type of relationship that they have.  The quotes you provided were great, btw.  I agree with you - they are certainly not the "Romeo and Juliet" couple.  In fact, it's the roller coaster of emotions, the drama, the conflict - all the while knowing the intense passion and love that they have for each other that draws us to them.  Through all of the ups and downs in their relationship and emotions, we know that Kelly and Dylan end up together at the end of the series.  The 90210 spinoff aside, based on everything we know about their relationship and the instability throughout the years, do you believe it was a relationship to last?  Would they really have spent the rest of their lives together?  Or do you think they are destined to repeat the pattern that we see throughout the series - where they continue to be in love, will always be special to each other, but can't seem to stay together?

Answer
You're very welcome! Thanks. And that's an interesting follow-up question.

Whether their relationship is built to last will always be a matter of opinion, but I can tell you that the original series went to great lengths to indicate that they would make it.  In 10x26, "The Penultimate", they stay up all night talking following Dylan's college graduation and his promise that, if she gives him a second chance, he won't let her down.  When we see them, she's already made up her mind to break off her engagement and they've both been clear about still loving one another.  Kelly confesses that what she really wants now is "a little peace", as she leans into Dylan and they sit there in a partial embrace.  The whole show is being wrapped up and the sense that everyone gets a happy ending prevails in spades.  Therefore, we can believe, in the end, that not only does she get back together with Dylan, but they find peace with each other.  Finally.  

Also important is the fact that David and Donna's reunion was used to not-so-subtly forward every aspect of the Dylan and Kelly reunion.  Our couple reunites amidst the backdrop of their best friends' wedding.  They stare at each other down the aisle and glance over at one another while reading marital poems.  She catches the bouquet!  And, they both make reference to that last fact in a positive way, smirks and all ("I like the flowers"/"So do I"). All of this communicates that they see each other in their future and are at least open to marriage.  The implication is also that if David and Donna are worthy of marriage, then so are they.  

And we know it was never far from their minds.  Previously in the season, Kelly had told Donna - on the day of her engagement to someone else, no less - that there are times when she thinks Dylan could be The One (10x12).  He's been having wedding fantasies with her since S5 ("The Dreams of Dylan McKay"), couldn't bear to watch her go through with her wedding in S8, gets teary-eyed and leaves when he accidentally spots her in a wedding dress again, and lifts up her hand with the engagement ring on it, 10x25, saying (excuse the vague dialogue), "Taking a walk is not going to get us HERE".  Add this to his desire for a full re-commitment in "Love Is Blind" and we know that he's all for marriage.  There's also his pointed statement about how he "doesn't understand how two people so obviously meant for each other" (Donna/David, but really him and Kel) can't seem to get together.  The audience is suppose to take such things as truth.  So, Dylan and Kelly are meant to be.  Not necessarily in any destiny-infused sense, but in the inevitable sense, nonetheless.  The relationship is valued as though it's force is as undeniable as that which is pre-ordained.  And the underlying truth with things that are meant to be is, I guess, that they don't fall apart in the end.  

Having said all that, I think these two would continue to have dramatic reactions to the challenges that later life would present, including the decision-making, child-rearing, and financial issues inherent in a marriage.  They could even become estranged over differing spiritual beliefs as they age.  I'm not sure what I believe for them, because these growing pains would test any couple.  It really depends mostly on Kelly's ability to remain open and vulnerable once they reestablish the level of intimacy they once had.  I think she understands Dylan's needs very well, but if she closes up out of fear for whatever reason and it coincides with Dylan having a hard time, they could both fall back into old mindsets where the belief is that she's too critical and he's not cut out for any of this.  Yeah, I guess I'm thinking of how I rationalized the spinoff.  Anyway, I think the main joy in watching their relationship is that they so often have some conflict to work through.  Hopefully, new types of conflicts, so that we know they're going somewhere.  

But yes, I fully believe that we were meant to expect they'd make it.  

All the best,

Mel