Expert: LEBoyd - 1/11/2008

Question
My parents divorced when I was 32, and my father remarried 1 year later to a younger woman that has been jealous of our relationship from the beginning. Unpleasant words were exchanged between us early on and she convinced my father to ostracize me for more than 10 years now, because I was not willing to apologize without a return apology. A couple of years later I became softer and made apologies several times, but she never accepted them. Instead they have continued to ostracize me.

My father says the bible states the husband is supposed to "take the wife's side over the child" to justify the way they treat me. (Frankly, she prefers that my brother and I and families are not involved in their lives.) Is it true the bible states it's okay for him to follow his wife's wish to ostracize us?  And where in the bible does it tell us how parents are supposed to treat their adult children?  Please, I need to be able to show them how wrong this is.

Answer
Leigh,

Strains in personal relationships are never enjoyable, especially when they are between close relatives such as your father.

The Bible never says that a parent is to ostracize their children at the request of their wife.  It does talk about how to treat all people - "love your neighbor as yourself" for example.

The unfortunate thing is that many people try to use the Bible to support any position.  And in most cases, there's little the other person can do - except to remember that you can only attempt to control yourself.

Some say that other people can't "make" you angry, sad, happy or any other emotion, but the fact is other people can because we are emotional beings.  It often tears us apart on the inside because of how others treat us.  And we find there is little we can do to stop the "way we feel".  We feel that way, and that's the way it is.

I can tell you are at the least hurt because of your father's actions, and you can see that you have little control over them.  In these cases, the best Scripture to which I turn is Phil 4:6-8, "Be anxious in nothing, but in everything with prayer and supplication and thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God.  And the peace that passes all understanding with guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus."

Prayer for yourself, your father and your relationship may be the only action you have.  Possibly in time, things will change for the better, but only God knows the future.

I know this is little help, but hopefully it will help you with your own hurt and emotions.