Expert: Brenda Martin - 1/19/2008

Question
Hi Brenda

I am a Christian guy and serious about my faith.

Like most guys however, I am instinctively attracted to females who I perceive to be sexy and good looking. Also like most guys, I have a natural tendency to lust after such girls.

In response this problem, I asked a number of ministers and male Christian acquaintances about what to do concerning my tendencies in this regard.

They told me that I needed to avoid looking at sexy girls and images of them and to roll my eyes away if I do happen to have one or the other inadvertently appear in my line of sight.

Sadly, a number of these guys have since fallen over by getting involved in pornography and the like.

I did not experience much success with the strategy that they recommended either, and so I invented my own.

Instead of using the 'hear no evil, see no evil' type of approach, I decided to go out of my way to meet sexy looking girls so that I could use a number of mental routines that I developed, which help me discipline myself against being improperly influenced by their good looks and feminine charms.

I also used images of such girls to do the same thing.

While I found this process to be very difficult at first and I did fall over quite a few times in the beginning; it is all second nature to me now. I no longer feel ill at ease or tempted by sexy looking girls or images of them, regardless as to their state of undress.

I consider this to be a useful accomplishment in terms of my Christian walk and I have explained the process to a number of people in my congregation.

However, I have not had a good reaction.

I am now regarded with considerable suspicion and disdained on the grounds that I have sinned through my association with exotic looking females (even though the limits of my interactions with them consisted only of light conversation while I practiced my metal routines) and images of females in various states of undress (which were used solely for the purpose of practicing how not to lust over them).

I do not see how I have acted outside the terms of scripture here. I even read an article by the Pope who concluded that nudity such as in the images I used, is not wrong of itself.

He seemed to think that Adam and Eve were created nude and were pronounced 'very good' at the same time. I am inclined to agree that while a person's reaction to nudity might be wrong, it is not the nudity itself which is the problem.

I have developed what I think is a good method that any Christian guy can use for the purpose of building the mental and emotional discipline that he needs, in order to not be improperly influenced by sexy looking girls or images of them.

As a person educated in the Christian Scriptures, what do you think? Have I overstepped the mark in any way?

Thanking you

Richard  

Answer
"WHAT DO YOU THINK? HAVE I OVERSTEPPED THE MARK IN ANY WAY?"

Well “my” opinion” is neither here nor there is it, it is God’s opinion we want on the matter, I’m sure you agree?

The bible was written to “benefit” us, (Isaiah 48; 17, 18) to aid us in every situation in life (2 timothy 3; 16, 17) so what does God’s word say on the matter of the opposite sex, how to avoid temptations & the pitfalls, lets see—

Job recognized that immorality often starts by LOOKING with lust on a person of the opposite sex, this creating a desire in the heart for immoral sex. So he made as if a formal contract or covenant with his own eyes. To what end? He firmly resolved NOT TO LOOK with passion at another woman. Naturally, he would see women in daily life and might even be attentive in helping such if they needed aid. But as regards being attentive with flirtatious or romantic motives, that was off limits. It was forbidden to him. Undoubtedly Job’s ‘covenant with his eyes’ helped him to avoid any PASSION-STIMULATING LOOKING that could lead to immoral conduct.—Compare Job 31:9, 11; Matthew 5:28.

Really what you did was say to yourself; “right I know these urges can lead to disaster, so I will treat myself to a huge helping of this poison & then I will develop an immunity to it” sadly it doesn’t work like that, you took an enormous risk dealing with it in such a way, we are imperfect humans, born sinners, we cannot toy with immorality.

For instance look at the example of Joseph with Potiphar’s wife.

Potiphar’s wife reached for Joseph and cried out: “Lie down with me!” He FLED. (Genesis 39:12-20)

Later, Jesus included “fornications” and “adulteries” with the “injurious REASONINGS” that originate in the heart and defile a person. (Mark 7:21, 22)

The apostle Paul was inspired to admonish the Christians in Corinth: “FLEE from fornication.” (1 Corinthians 6:18)

You can never let down your guard in this fight, as King David once did. He happened one day to be LOOKING from his rooftop, and in the distance he saw beautiful Bath-sheba bathing herself. Rather than turn away before improper thoughts grew in his heart, he kept looking. His desire to have sexual relations with Bath-sheba became so strong that he had her brought to his palace. Later, since she had become pregnant, and he was unable to have their adultery covered up, he arranged to have her husband killed in battle.—2 Samuel 11:1-17.

David’s heart was more treacherous than he had realized; his wrong desires overpowered him. Afterward he said: “Look! With error I was brought forth with birth pains, and in sin my mother conceived me.” (Psalm 51:5) But the bad thing David did with Bath-sheba did not have to happen. His problem was that he kept looking; he did not avoid the situation that caused his sexual appetite to grow for another man’s wife.

We should all learn from David’s experience to be on guard against situations that excite improper sexual feelings. For example, what will happen if you read books and watch television programs and movies that put emphasis on sex? Sexual desires will likely be stimulated. So avoid activities and entertainment that work up “sexual appetite.” (Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5; Ephesians 5:3-5) Do not put yourself in a situation with another person that can lead to fornication.

If David had kept in mind the example of Joseph, he would never have committed that great sin against God.

So in conclusion just let’s say; you’ve being doing things YOUR way instead of God’s way, we all do that at times, so learn from it,be resolved to do it God's way the next time & move on.

“There exists a way that is upright before a man, but the ways of death are the end of it afterward.” (Proverbs 14; 12)

We must learn to differentiate what is truly right from what appears to be right. The expression “the ways of death” indicates that there are many such deceptive paths.

All the best
Brenda