Expert: Messianic Rabbi Yochanan Levine - 12/8/2008

Question
Hi- I am in a predicament of sorts. I have been with my husband for 5 years-We have been married for 1/1/2 years.We were married in my childhood church and it really means a lot to me- My problem is- we have gotten to the point in our relationship to where he comes home and curses me every night, tears holes in the wall, and tries to tear down doors,I pay most of the bills, and keep house,cook, and everything is up to me-he helps hardly at all.I believe that when we got married, he really loved me-he says he still does and will change, but I have just been through more than I want to try to work on. I am ready to move on, but I feel like if I divorce him without him commiting adultry-That I will surely burn in hell. he left a few nights ago, and I thought I would miss him,and I feel guilty that I don't. Will God forgive me for divorcing him because I am so unhappy? I know it says in the bible that when you are married , you become one, and that any man that remarries a divorced wife commits adultry. I just don't really know the grouns of divorce according to God. can you help me please?Am I wrong to want out of this unhappy relationship?

Answer
Hi Lonely,

There is NO biblical justification for one spouse abusing another. None. And there is NO biblical reason why you should have to live in such a situation.

Christians differ on exactly what the biblical grounds for divorce are and under what circumstances one can remarry.

You can certainly leave him to escape abuse. I don't think there is any question there biblically.

It would be a good idea, if you do leave him, to take some time without dating or re-marrying anyway to let yourself rediscover your "center." During this time give yourself to Bible study, prayer, worship and so on. Then in time if the Lord brings a potential Christian partner into your life seek His direction about remarriage. One who has a strong relationship with the Lord is never alone or lonely. We do have needs however and the scriptural council is that it is better to marry than to burn with these needs (I Cor 7:9).

Under no circumstances however should you remain with someone who acts as you describe. God is our Father. What loving parent would want his beloved child to remain in a dangerous situation like this?

Hope this helps,
~ Pastor John